Page 88 of Sweet Escape

The plans we each have.

Because if I can’t convince him, if I can’t convincemyself, I don’t know if either of us will be able to let go.

“What kind of life do you picture for us, huh?” I ask him. “My entire life is in LA. My career is in LA. Everything that matters to me is in LA.”

He takes a step back, looking away from me briefly, and I don’t doubt that what I said has wounded him. But I don’t relent.

“I’mjuston the cusp of living my dream, Memphis. I am right there, about to reach out and take everything I’ve wanted. Everything I’ve worked for. Am I supposed to give that up? Come here. Live in this town while you work sixteen-hour days? Play open mic nights?”

My words are like tar on my tongue, sticky and hot and poisonous. But I keep going, wanting to drive my point home.

“Or are you going to be the one who does it? Are you going to quit the vineyard, come to LA, and live the city life? Follow me around while I’m on tour?”

Memphis’s fists clench at his sides. “You know I can’t do that.”

“Idoknow that. And what’s more, I would never ask you to. Just like you wouldn’t ask me to give up my dreams, either.”

I lick my lips and let out a sigh, watching as his heart breaks, and feeling mine do the same.

“You might not be ready for it to end, but that doesn’t mean it’s not over.”

My words hit him like a physical thing, and I watch as it rolls through his body. Every cell in my body screams at me to go to him. To wrap my arms around his chest and place my ear over where I know I’ll hear his heart thumping that steady rhythm.

But I can’t.

There’s no path where this works. No reality where we are anything more than a bit of fun distraction.

And I can imagine nothing more devastating than giving something between us a shot, only to watch the good, kind, caring parts of us begin to fall apart.

Just like with Theo.

Just like with my parents.

Just like every other relationship that has inevitably crumbled and come to an end, or fallen by the wayside.

It’s safer to tuck this time away as a memory. Let it be a good time and nothing more.

Too much of my heart would be at stake with this man. And that’s the exact reason I need to leave.

“Goodbye, Memphis.”

My words are quiet, but I know he hears them.

Then I do exactly what I told myself I needed to do. I leave.

I get in my car, and I drive away.

Memphis stands there watching me, his figure growing smaller in the rearview as I take the dusty drive out to the highway.

And that’s when the first tears begin to fall.

The flight is easy, and I’m home before I know it, pushing open the door to my tenth-floor condo with a sigh, far more exhausted than I should be.

Something inside me is ... empty.

My cat, Roger, greets me at the door. I pluck him up and snuggle him close, despite his protests. I pick up the little note on the entry table from my neighbor Mary, telling me he’s been fed already.

“Missed you, Rodge,” I whisper, squeezing him tight for a minute before dropping him back to the tile floor.

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