She was completely right. He was losing himself and his mind at record speed. A jealous demon had crawled into him and started wreaking havoc. The first thing he needed to do was get control of himself. He didn’t want to come off as an abhorrent brute, or for her to hate him. How could he explain to her that when he saw her with another man, even the thought or idea of it filled him with a rage unlike anything he’d ever felt. He’d never felt this way over anyone but her. It was high time he realized this was his fault. He should have never let her get away fifteen years ago. When he went to New York to see her, he should have confessed his feelings instead of acting like a coward. Or when she came home for Susy’s funeral he should have offered her comfort instead of acting like an ass and running away. He’d been a dick.
Unfortunately, he reasoned with the fact that if she wouldn’t have him, he might never be happy with anyone else.
If he told her these feelings, told her how he loved and cared for her, it would be proof that he wasn’t the stupidest fucking idiot in the world of mankind.
“I have no right to you, Tyler. And if Payne is really who you want, I can’t stop that, but I don’t think you look at him the same way you look at me. I sure as hell never looked at another woman, especially not Sadie Mae, how I look at you.” His voice was full of emotion. “I need to tell you, when you came home for Susy’s funeral, I thought I’d go mad knowing you had another man with you, touching you, comforting you when it should have been me. Many times, I wanted to face you, speak to you, hell just stare at you, but every time I got close I was overcome with such strong emotion and I knew I’d want to punch that yuppie. I know that makes me sound like a beast, but I’m only this way when I think of you with another man. I’ve done a damn good job of numbing myself to you and those thoughts over the years, but I’m not doing such a good job right now.”
“Kace—”
“You have every right to hate me. I let you leave and then spent the better part of the years being angry at you, feeling sorry for myself.”
“Kace?”
“Yes?”
Her face was pale and her eyes were glossy. Would she slap him? Kiss him? Walk away and leave him heartbroken?
“What this sounds like to me is a man who doesn’t want me with another man, but never cared enough to tell me his feelings.”
He exhaled a long breath. “Tyler—”
“Don’t “Tyler” me.” Her words cut through him like a dull blade.
“You can’t tell me that it doesn’t get your panties in a bunch to think about Sadie Mae and me. Every time you mention her name you wrinkle your nose in disgust,” he pointed out proudly. Maybe he was grasping at straws. Fishing for feelings, but if she had a right to feel jealous, maybe he did too.
“My panties are not in a bunch. As far as you and Sadie Mae are concerned, all I can say is that I believe there have been a few Sadie Maes along the way. Different girl, same situation. When do you stop unzipping your jeans and finally find someone to settle down with?”
“Now ain’t that the pot calling the kettle black,” he huffed. “What’s your problem?”
“I’ve been close,” she snapped.
“With the yuppie at the funeral?” He didn’t realize how harsh his words were until his teeth hurt from clenching.
“We aren’t going to talk about him.”
“What was his name? Preston? Jan? Terence?” He laughed which eased some of his tension.
“His name was Finn and he was a good guy.”
“So then why didn’t you marry him?”
“Because he wasn’t the one for me.”
“Because he’s not me,” he said without modesty.
“Oh, watch that ego grow by the minute. Do you think everything revolves around you?” She flicked up a brow.
“When it comes to you I think it does. And maybe because I always compared every woman to you and she never came close. Admit that you’ve thought about me, about us, over the years.”
“My goodness, you really do think I’ve spent the last fifteen years pining over you like some lovesick poor girl, don’t you? That’d make you feel better, wouldn’t it? Well, let me tell you something, Kace Cade. You’re not the God of all Gods.” With each word she touched his chest with her finger.
“Tell me, Tyler,” he demanded.
“Tell you what?”
“That you’re still mine. I’ve waited so damn long. I’ll do anything. I’ll even make you my wife.”
“You want me to tell you that I’m still yours?”