Page 85 of Unsteady

I nod.

“Thank you, Rhys. For telling me everything, for letting me in.” He clears his throat and wipes away the tears from his cheeks before meeting my gaze. “Listen to me closely. I don’t care if you toss your skates in the trash tomorrow, I don’t care what you choose to do for the rest of your life as long as you’re happy.” He chuckles and relaxes back into the chair.

“If you’d picked up a basketball all those years ago, I’d be courtside for the rest of my life with one of those big foam fingers. If you take up a paint brush, I’ll buy every piece that we have walls for. If you use that big brain of yours for engineering or law—I’ll do whatever I can to show I support you until my last breath.”

“I want to play hockey. I do,” I insist, because I know I still want this—it’s just buried beneath panic and pain.

“Still. This”—he gestures widely—“this life we have, it’snothingwithout you safe and happy. That is all I want. I love you, son.”

Tears form at the corners of my eyes and I try to hold them back. “I love you.”

There is a long stretch of silence, as something new settles into my bones. The numbness is still there, but it isn’t overwhelming. It’s… it’s justthere.

“Let’s go to the rink today,” he offers just as my mother descends the staircase, dressed in slacks and a nice shirt. He goes to her instantly, like it’s muscle memory and I wonder if he felt this all-consuming craze for my mother like I do with Sadie.

I shake my head. “You’ve got things to do today—and I do too. But, this week?”

He smiles and nods. I do the same.

It feels a bit more like I’m really home.

TWENTY-EIGHT

RHYS

It’s been a week without Sadie now, sober or otherwise, and it’s started to affect my game. We played home and away last weekend and are scheduled for two away games this coming weekend. So far, we’re sitting about where we were last year—close to the top, with Boston College, Michigan, and Harvard being the top competitors.

My focus is good, but not great—disrupted a bit as I find myself lingering and arriving earlier every day to the rink, hoping to catch even a glimpse of her.

I miss the way she makes me calm, sure.

But I miss her.

Sadie was my friend before anything else, even if her stubborn mouth wouldn’t let her call me that out loud. Those two months of morning skates are now some of my favorite memories on and off the ice. I want more of it.

And yet, she is out of reach.

For the time being, I am waiting on her and making myself worthy of her.

A week of therapy isn’t enough, but it’s a start. Sadie can’t be my crutch if I want her to bemine. I won’t put that on her ever again.

The library is slightly cool, matching the temperature outside. Like most of the old, on-campus buildings, it’s usually either freezing cold or boiling.

I’ve stayed up on my studies, as is required for the team, but even further I’ve stayed up on my captain duties—which includes hosting team study days so we can all exchange professor information, helpful hints or common test questions. It’s still hard, being around them and faking smiles, but there is still a wound in me that hasn’t healed. It won’t be overnight.

I have to remind myself of that a lot.

The good thing is that Toren Kane usually makes himself scarce for anything team related, which means the ever present reminder on our ice time doesn’t follow me off it.

Before I can make it to the table in the back of the first floor that’s slightly rowdier than the rest, something else catches my eye.

The little figure skater that I’ve been looking for, dressed in tight jeans and another large t-shirt, half-huddled beneath the brawny figure skater, Luc. The one that makes my spine prick with uncomfortable jealousy—something I’m not exactly used to.

“Wait, Sadie,” I call out, getting a stern glare from the librarian at the desk nearby. I shrug at her, considering we aren’t on the silent floor.

They’re both ignoring me, I realize with a rise of frustration, and they don’t stop their hurried movements through the front doors, but I follow anyway.

Slamming out of the library, I start shouting a little louder as we empty into the small parking lot.

---