Page 97 of Into the Light

I allowed the panic to wash over me, for I had learned that denying it only intensified its grip. The push and pull of a panic attack often fed the fear, so I welcomed it in.

“Come in, you little fucker,” I murmured, punctuating my invitation with several deep, grounding breaths.

“I think I should add this to the envelope.” I snapped out of my thoughts as Ember circled back toward the door where I was standing.

“What is it?” I asked her, looking down at a folded black piece of paper in her hand.

“Just something, in case.” There was a knock at the door that I ignored.

“I’m not in the mood for surprises, Ember. I’m fucking anxious as shit,” I grumbled before her expression contorted to something I couldn’t recognize.

“It was stupid,” she balked before turning around. I grabbed her elbow.

“I’m sorry,” I muttered, feeling like a total asshole. “I am just trying not to have a panic attack and lashed out.”

Her eyes looked down, still clutching onto the piece of paper. “I’d love to know what it is, and of course you can bring it.”

“I-I just think that maybe appealing to the very little human side that he had would help.”

“It absolutely would,” I said, feeling like a dick for snapping at her.

There was another knock at the door.

“Hold on,” I yelled. Better to yell at whoever the fuck demanded our attention than my sweet beautiful . . . girlfriend? Although, honestly, that word seemed so trivial for what she meant to me. Still, now was not the time to debate what she meant.

“What is this, mi pareja?” I looked at her trembling hand and dropped the backpack to the floor and grabbed her wrists. “What’s wrong?”

Frantically scanning her face, she handed me the piece of black paper. Slowly unfolding it, a lone tear dropped from the corner of her eye, tracing its path down her cheek. I diverted my gaze downward to see what I had unfurled.

I swallowed when I realized what it was.

“Is-is this . . .?”

She nodded.

“Sol,” I said so softly before pulling her tightly into my chest. I inspected the little ultrasound. It was crazy how realistic and clear it was.

“She has Ash’s curls.” I pointed at the little hair atop her head floating around in little ringlets. There was so much hair, too. I laughed when I realized she had the fucker’s big nose,too. “His large nose too.”

“Hey,” She slapped my chest, and we let out a small chuckle together.

“I think this is perfect and if you are ready, then you should bring it.”

“I’m ready.”

“Does anyone know?” I asked.

“Aside from Santiago, no.”

I scanned her face before dropping down to give her a small kiss on her lips. “I’m so proud of you.”

The door immediately pounded open, and there was Santiago on the other side.

“I was getting worried,” he said before seeing Ember in my arms in tears. “What’s wrong?”

He scanned the room before looking at the paper in my hand, immediately recognizing what it was.

“You told him?” he asked.

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