Page 84 of Into the Light

Into the light I’ll be.

Chapter twenty-seven

I peeled open the curtains outside our dorm and noticed the car was waiting for us to take us back to Dansport. The Den, our new fraternity, was in the distance, and I couldn’t believe that we were finally done with freshman year.

I walked into the connecting room to mine. There were two small bedroom areas, a living room, and a small bathroom in our dorm. Mr. Ortiz opted for more of the private rooms versus the open dorms.

“Holy shit, man, we actually did it!”

I was elated that we were finally on summer break. I’d decided to have creative writing as my major and was feeling good about starting those classes in the fall.

I expected to open the door and find Ash quickly packing his things but was welcomed by the darkness that blanketed the entire room.

“Ash?” I asked, my tone shifting to something more ominous. I looked around and found him tucked in the corner of the room next to his wooden desk across from his barren bed.

“What are you doing down there?” I asked, sitting on my haunches so I could get a better look at what was happening. He looked so sad—almost like a little kid scared in the corner. The entire year he’d actually had friends, survived his first spring bonfire where they weren’t targeting him.

“Are you okay?” I asked when I noticed that his entire body was shaking. I dropped to my knees. The only person I’d ever get on my knees for and not in a sexual way.

“Ash?”

“I cannot go back to him, Rain. I feel so fucking lost.”

“Then let’s take summer classes and stay in Isles.” The words came out almost immediately, as if I’d been thinking about this for a while.

“I cannot do that to you. You want to go home to see your mom.”

I shook my head.

“I don’t. I want you to be happy.” Ash offered me a small smile as his sunken red face gazed in my direction.

“You are always sacrificing for me, Rain. When are you ever going to do something for yourself?”

“I do a lot of things for myself,” I told him. I thought about how I was able to pick a major that I wanted, I was able to have the friends I wanted, and I was able to have the choices that had been taken away from Ash.

I was also given the opportunity to live without this illness that burns through Ash, and I hated to see him like this. I’d give him the entire world if that’s what he wanted.

“Why?” he croaked.

“Why, what?”

“We aren’t even related by blood. Why do you care?” he asked, his voice so broken and sad that it pained me to even hear him speak.

“Because you took me in when I needed someone the most. I lost my dad. My mom was floating around this world. I needed some stability, and you brought it to me. You gave a kid who liked to sit and read in the corner of classes the opportunity to have friends—a life.”

He gave a low chuckle. “I gave you life?”

I knew he thought this sounded ridiculous. Because what nineteen-year-old talks about giving someone life, but that’s what Ash will never actually grasp. He gave me life because without him, I was a wandering spirit. A kid without a family. He let me understand the definition of family—of brotherhood.

“You did.” I shrugged it off so nonchalantly because it was the truth. “What’s it going to take to get you out of this?” I looked down at the floor.

“A beer and some pussy?” he asked, locking his eyes with mine, and I laughed so hard that I fell onto the floor with him.

“You got it, brother.” I grabbed his hand and let him get up. “I’ll cancel the car, too. I’ll call your dad and tell him that I need to take an extra class this summer semester.”

“You sure?” Ash hesitated. “I hate asking you to pause your life for me.” I shook my head.

“This is what family does. But Ash? I need you to get better. I need you to talk to someone about this. There has to be someone on campus—”

---