Page 60 of Into the Light

“Your ass is heavy, dragging you through the fucking woods and back here.” He slung his arm over my shoulder and then walked me down the stairs toward the kitchen table. “Glad to see you’re up. Let’s get a coffee and chat.”

I nodded, and as we got downstairs, he handed me a hot cup of coffee, then we sat at the dining room table. It was Monday, so most of the guys were in class already.

“How’d the rest of the conversation with Mr. Ortiz go?”

“He’s a fucking dick. He also knows Ember has the cash somehow, but isn’t admitting he does.” I nodded, not caring how this conversation went but more so wanting to fill in the pieces of what happened last night.

As Pico took a big gulp of the hot coffee, I asked him to fill in the missing pieces.

“Ember caught you, and we think you were having a panic attack. You kept saying that your chest and your heart felt like it was constricting.” I was so fucking embarrassed after we did what we did, but the insurmountable shame I felt in this moment was even worse. “She called me in a tizzy. I managed to get you onto the ATV, then Ember drove you here in my car and we called the doctor who said everything checked out in terms of your heart. It was probably a panic attack.” He leaned back in the wooden chair and then looked up at me.

I dropped my gaze to my hands gripping the mug so tightly to prevent them from shaking.

“I-I- don’t know what to say.” I glanced back up at him. “Thank you.”

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” It was a question he’d posed countless times in the past eight months. “I lost a friend, too. I know it’s different, but if it helps, I miss and think of him every damn day.”

“What makes you think it was about Ash?” I gritted my teeth, feeling a surge of irritation coursing through me.

“Well, wasn’t it?”

I sighed. I could either deflect Pico’s attempts to connect or open up to someone who had tried to be a friend. I chose the latter and nodded before taking a long sip from my mug.

“We hooked up,” I said, urging back the tears welling in my eyes.

Pico offered a simple, encouraging “Hmmm,” urging me to continue.

“I called her mine. She was incredible, but I couldn’t look her in the eyes. I don’t know, it felt so close and so . . .”

“Hard,” Pico finished for me, and I nodded. “I get it. She was your brother’s, but now she’s yours.”

“Yeah,” I replied, finding solace in the fact someone understood my turmoil.

“But your brother isn’t here anymore. He left us. She is yours, Rain. You should have seen her last night. She thought she was going to lose you, too, and she was panicking,” Pico added, turning his gaze to a corner of the room.

“For hours, she paced back and forth while Marissa tried to calm her down or at least make an attempt. She’s really something special. The whole thing made her feel terrible, and you’re an asshole for telling her she was yours, hooking up with her, and not even being able to look her in the eyes.”

Tears fell onto my cheeks before I even realized I was crying. Growing up with Mr. Ortiz in the Cartel had ingrained in me thatreal menweren’t supposed to cry or show emotion, as if it made us less of a human.

“Don’t do that,” Pico mumbled. “You should feel sad about all of this. Maybe letting these feelings out will actually help you.”

I swallowed hard. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I didn’t mean to make her feel like just a means to an end, because she deserves so much more than that. She texted me last night, worried.”

“She does. You need to talk to her. I think both of you are harboring secrets, and it’s about time you shared them.”

He paused for a moment, then stood and walked over to me, kneeling next to the chair I was in. “I’ll handle the meetings here. I actually like this stuff.” He gestured around. “You go finish school and figure things out with Ash, and then sort things out with Ember.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

“I’ll keep Mr. Ortiz at bay, but this needs to be resolved by the spring bonfire. I can’t hold him off any longer,” he added.

I nodded again. “Go get dressed and go to class or something.” I laughed, grabbing him by the shoulders as I got up.

“Thank you,” I whispered, giving him a hug. He embraced me tightly before stepping back.

“Anytime, man.” Pico nodded.

“Besides, I agree with you. I think if we finally took the time to sit down and use Ember’s relationship with her dad, we could become a more formidable force. This ridiculous feud has done nothing but cost both sides lives,” Pico added before taking a sip of his coffee. He started back upstairs, leaving me alone with my thoughts in the dining room.

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