Page 47 of Into the Light

“I’ve got to make sense of this before then,” I muttered to myself. I didn’t want Rain to know what was going on or have him worry unnecessarily. After getting myself cleaned up, I spent an extra half hour in the bathroom, waiting until it was safe to slip out of the apartment. I quietly descended the stairs and reached my car, starting it up without a second thought. Pulling out of the driveway, I headed toward the outskirts of town, my mind focused on finding answers, even though I couldn’t quite figure out what exactly that meant.

As I drove away from Isles, I glanced over my shoulder, following the cautionary lessons Ash and Rain had imparted. When no one was tailing me, I turned onto the road leading to Ash’s rock. Even though I wasn’t officially part of the Den or the Alphas, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I, too, might become prey like Maddy’s roommate had two years ago.

The route to the rock was etched into my memory, and as I navigated the winding mountain road toward the clearing, I couldn’t help but imagine the fear and torment Ash might have experienced in this very place. Whether he was battling his own demons or someone chased him, I imagined as he took this route here it was not easy.

As I approached the clearing, I parked on the dirt path, grabbed the flashlight, and embarked on my journey down the path leading to the rock that overlooked the forest clearing. A vivid memory resurfaced, one from when I had run away from Ash after he refused to tell me about the tattoo. He had kept me in the dark about many things. I touched the tattoo behind my ear, reminiscing about the day it had become a part of me. I had been so scared and naive at the beginning of that year.

But . . . I had also been deeply in love. Maybe it was more of a lustful infatuation, but I distinctly remembered how captivated I had been by Ash. He was the first boy to ever show interest in me. He was my first boyfriend, my first love, my first sexual experience, or at least, the first that mattered. I had perpetually been on cloud nine, oblivious to the harsh realities of the world. Looking back, I wondered if I should have paid more attention to Ash’s underlying depression. Perhaps I could have noticed that Maddy was treating me poorly, or maybe I could have been more honest with myself. I didn’t want to share Ash, nor did I want to share myself, but I had been so consumed by the intoxicating spell of love that I could see none of this.

My steps faltered as I realized I had walked in a circle and now stood atop his rock. A pang of guilt coursed through me for harboring these thoughts. I sat down, my feet hanging off the edge, and contemplated how different life might have been if I had never met Ash.

Because without Ash, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to find . . . myself.

It was one of the most important lessons I’d learned. Through the darkness and loneliness, came a significant wave of self-awareness. I chuckled as I remembered the phrase my mother used to tell me when I was a kid.

“Into the darkness you’ll go, and into the light you’ll be.”

That maybe it was all a metaphor for what life was. I’d spent so many months upset at my mom, too, blaming her for Ash. If it hadn’t been for the realization that she’d cheated on my dad, then maybe Ash and I wouldn’t have had to break up.

But as I took in the serene clearing, I knew it wasn’t about my mom or even Ash. This was the outline for the journey I was supposed to take. They were the words to the story I was writing.

Just then, I glanced to my right where Rain had pointed out the . . . incident . . . happened, and got up, stalking over to the area. Walking around, I noticed there was something hidden behind some bushes next to a fallen tree branch.

A wave of anxiety hit me, and I had no idea why. I moved the branch that seemed to have fallen recently and was providing some sort of a shelter or protection for whatever laid beneath it. As I cleared away the branches, my eyes widened. It wasn’t justhishoodie.

Carefully, I picked up the abandoned hoodie. It was damp but had shielded whatever was beneath it from the relentless rain. My fingers brushed against a hard, cold object, and I realized it was a phone. No. It wasn’t justaphone.

“Holy shit,” I whispered as the matte-black iPhone was so familiar.

This discovery left me baffled. As I examined it more closely, I noticed it was still in good condition despite the constant rain that frequented this place. I tried to turn it on, but it was dead. I mean, how ridiculous to even think the phone almost a year ago would turn on, but there was hope.

My heart raced with a mixture of intrigue and apprehension. Could this phone hold any clues about what had transpired here? Questions swirled in my mind as I held the phone in my trembling hands.

Pushing branches aside, I searched for anything else that could be down there. I was desperate and knew I needed to go see Rain. After I felt like the area had nothing else mysteriously lying around, I jumped off the path and ran to my car where I had a charger.

My hands trembled the entire time, not knowing if anything would be on the phone or if it would even turn on, but there was something there. I just knew it deep down.

The stomping echoed as I ran as fast as I could through the woods. The quicker I could get to the car, the faster I could plug the damned phone in.

“Please, Ash.” I prayed I’d find any answer at all.

Just as I reached the Jeep, I jumped inside and shoved the charger into the bottom of the phone. My fingers crossed that it would turn on and reveal the answers to Rain’s and my biggest problems, but it was a long shot and the phone likely wouldn’t even turn on.

I switched the dial to heat to warm the icy-cold shiver basking in my bones. Time stood still as I waited to see if the phone would turn on.

By some miracle, after ten minutes, the phone turned on and wetness greeted my cheeks as the familiar photo of the two of us together lit up his lock screen.

It was taken at this exact spot on the day of our first date when Ash surprised me with a picnic after class. He had also forced me to take a photo, and I was staring at him, entranced by everything about him. That feeling sent me back to that place again. It was like being hugged by your favorite childhood stuffed animal or doll as an adult. That feeling washed over me like the warmest blanket, and I welcomed it in because I was desperate to feel close to him.

I wiped away the tears now pouring from my face. This wasn’t cute or sweet crying. I swiped the home screen, but the phone was password protected.

“Fuck,” I wailed because just when that small string of hope was given to me, it was snatched away.

I tried his birthday, but it buzzed, warning me that was not the correct password.

“Think, Ember,” I told myself, and then tried my birthday but was surprised when the phone notified me that was also the incorrect password.What else could it be?

“Rain,” I whispered aloud, surprising myself at knowing Rain’s birthday was November tenth. I typed it in, and the phone greeted me by opening to the home screen.

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