Page 31 of Into the Light

“I’m going back in there,” Santiago demanded.

“Please don’t,” I begged.

“Come on, mija. Let’s go home,” Santiago urged, trying to help me up, but I felt glued to the curb. Frozen in place, I couldn’t move, overwhelmed by a deep sense of defeat.

“I-I can’t,” I murmured, realizing how embarrassing it was to be sitting on a curb in one of the busiest parts of Isles but not caring at all. “I want to go back to Dansport.”

For the first time, the thought crossed my mind and I wanted to admit defeat. Perhaps, in some twisted way, Tana was right. Maybe I was a boyfriend killer, and getting close to Rain meant putting him in harm’s way, too. My mom died because of what she did, maybe I was death’s best friend.

I needed to talk to Walsh to uncover the truth behind what had happened so the overwhelming guilt could begin to ease and I could find some semblance of peace, but right now, I was frozen in place.

“I don’t know how many deaths I can experience in one short time period and survive it, Santiago.” I cried, and worry etched into the fine lines of his eyes.

“Please don’t go back to that place.” He begged. “What can I do to help you?”

I shrugged because I had no idea. I had no one to call. My family got tangled in this web of deceit and lies. I had nobody. Yet, somehow, all I wanted to become was a nobody.

The anger I felt toward Ash bubbled to the surface. I was mad he left me here to deal with this alone. It was irrational and I knew this was simply a trauma response to what had happened, but I was so fucking upset.

“My mom used to say this phrase to me: ‘Into the darkness I’ll go, and into the light I’ll be’when I was younger and scared of the dark. Santiago, she lied. She lied about all of it, because I am deep in the darkness, and I don’t know where the light is.”

“No. You do have light and you know exactly where it is.” He shook his head like I was saying something that didn’t make sense.

I rubbed my eyes, and he walked away momentarily before returning to sit next to me on the curb.

“I am your family, mija. I love you like a sister, and I hate seeing you hurt. What can I do? Please let me in, Ember.” His voice fell into a hushed tone at the end, and I looked out to the street.

“I just need to sit here.” I sighed, letting my shoulders sag, and buried my head into my hands. Sitting there, not caring that the cars were flying by or the people on the street were staring at two people sitting on a curb. I just needed to sit in it.

“Ember,” a familiar voice said from above me. I lifted my head, and Rain was towering over me.

I snapped my head over toward Santiago who shrugged before getting up. “I needed to call the one person whose hand you’d reach for. I’m not letting you go back to that place, mija.”

“You tell him everything now? I bet you even told him about—”

“Never. That is not a story for me to share. But I was, no I am, worried about you.” Santiago paused before turning toward Rain. “I’m heading back to the apartment. Let me know if you need me.”

He walked away quickly, and I let out a deep sigh. I’d stopped crying when the fourth truck had passed down the road, however long that was, but I was emotionally spent.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked as he replaced Santiago’s spot next to me.

I told him what happened, unfurling my hair from my cap, while holding back tears.

“I need to talk to the guys at the house. We need to clear Ash’s name immediately. Whoever’s been running your name is fucking dead to me.”

“I texted my brother. I’d like it if maybe you’d come with me,” I said, doing the one thing Santiago told me to, reaching for the hand of the person trying so desperately to pull me to him.

“I want to, but I don’t know if I trust him fully. I need to make sure we do it in a safe way.”

“Of course, it’s a no.” I rolled my eyes before his warm hands pulled my chin toward his face.

“I said I fucking wanted to, Ember, I just need to figure this situation out with your goddamned hairstylist first.” He ran his hands through his long hair.

“You don’t have to—”

“And for the fucking record, I am not going to leave, Ember. I cannot imagine a world without you in it, and I cannot imagine leaving you alone.” He jumped up, not letting me process anything he said before offering me a hand, which I took.

It actually surprised me how quickly he helped me get out of whatever frozen response had me stuck to the sidewalk.

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