Page 28 of Into the Light

“I’m not saying we should, but you asked me, and I felt like I had to tell you the truth.”

He paused before getting up and walking toward the door. “If I didn’t tell you how I felt, then, somehow, I think I’d never have the opportunity. I guess when I saw you in person it was hard to hide how I felt.” He shook his head. “I’m going to go back to the house to check and see if there was another set of footprints on the rock.”

“Okay,” I whispered, then closed the door behind me. I pushed my back against the cold wooden door before dropping to the floor, hugging my knees with my hands and sobbing.

No one suffered with me, aside from Santiago, for so long, that it felt foreign to have someone to share this space with. Learning that Ash had been suffering from depression for much longer than I had existed in his life, both comforted and saddened me. I wish I’d seen it. I wish I’d been able to see it, but I was too blinded by our all-consuming love.

Ash always told me there’d never be a world in which he and I could exist together, and he was right. There wasn’t. If he’d been suffering for as long as Rain could remember, then I wondered if he always knew that deep down he would not be here this year. If, somehow, he had headed to the rock because he had some intel.

“Fuck,” I whispered, knowing exactly what I had to do as I picked up my phone.

Ember:

I think it’s time we talk.

I waited only a minute before three bubbles popped up, indicating that he was typing back.

Walsh:

Anytime, Ember. I miss you. I hear you’re on campus so please . . .

Ember:

I’ll contact you.

My gut told me I needed to talk to him. He was keeping a secret, but after seeing the rock, I knew in my soul that whatever happened to Ash wasn’t malicious. I needed to find out the truth so I could move forward and tell Rain the truth. Because after being with him today, I was lying to myself. I rolled over in bed and plugged my phone back in just as it pinged with a new message. I opened it one last time before sleep consumed me and saw a text from Rain.

Rain:

One set of prints on the rock. Two sets of tracks leading up.

Chapter twelve

It was Saturday, and Marissa was in my apartment, per usual, as I was debating whether I even wanted to go to the hair appointment she set up for me.

“This is dumb,” I told her, shaking my head, insisting I could do my hair at home. We were sitting in the small bathroom of my apartment researching different hair styles I would like.

“It’s notdumb,you haven’t ever dyed your hair, and some highlights would be cute. You sure you don’t want me to come?”

“I’m not even sureIwant to go.” I laughed, and she handed me the piece of paper she’d written instructions on. “I feel like you’re my mom or something, handing me what to tell the hairstylist.”

“Well, it’s a pretty big deal to actually get your hair done for the first time.” She winked at me. I had only ever done the box dye you get from the drugstore. She told me in order to feel good on the inside, you needed to feel good on the outside too. I’d be a rotten fruit, but at least I’d have fabulous hair.

We scoured Pinterest for styles and colors I liked and decided on some “babylights” and face-framing pieces. I told her I wanted to look as natural as possible with my dark hair.

“Santiago is insisting on walking me, so he’ll be there. No need to worry.” Her eyes narrowed in my direction.

“On another note, what’re you doing tonight?” She grabbed an apple from my fridge and took a massive bite. I stared at her, laughing. I never had a sister growing up, but this was how I’d imagined having one would be.

“Definitely not going to the Den,” I stated before grabbing my wallet and purse from the chair and making my way out the door with her.

“Ugh. Nothing I can do to convince you?” she asked, and I shook my head no.

“I need to finish my book and do some work. Maybe I’ll convince Santiago to play another game of Scrabble.”

“Ah, mija, so you can kick my ass? I think not.” He chuckled as he closed the door to his apartment. I glanced toward Santiago, feeling the warmth he exuded toward me with that small comment. It made me feel like we’d developed a father-daughter bond over the past months.

“You got a big date or something?” Marissa asked, and Santiago swatted her. Marissa’s older brother was friends with Santiago, so they knew each other from way back.

---