Page 21 of Into the Light

“What do you want?” I whispered as he held my chin, even though at this point, I was willingly gazing at him. The place his fingers lay, burned through me, sending a rippling current of heat through my body.

“I need your help,” he confessed, the words coming out slow.

“With what?”

“You were right.” Well, wasn’t that just music to my ears, but I would not boast with an I-told-you-so moment.

“About what? Stop being so fucking elusive, please.”

“Okay.” He shook his head a few times, pulling the hair off his forehead. “I need a teammate in figuring this Ash shit out.”

Well, that is definitely not what I expected him to say. I was expecting him to demand an apology for last weekend, apologize for being an asshole, admit he was actually flirting with me, but definitely not this. He dropped his hand from my face and brushed a hair off my ear.

“And you want me to help you, I assume?”

“Please.”

“But, why now?”

“I can’t do it on my own anymore, plus, I think you’re right.” Rain cracked his knuckles before looking back at me, his hand going behind my ear to touch where the O was tattooed. “I think he killed himself, but I need to prove it to Mr. Ortiz. I need concrete proof that your brother or your family wasn’t involved.”

“Don’t say it like that,” I demanded, pushing his hand off me. I hated that everyone blamed Walsh or me. I hated that people couldn’t see Ash’s struggles. I hated that mental health struggles weren’t a concept that people grasped. If Ash had cancer, there would be no one to blame but the cancer. Why was this any different?

“Say what?” he asked.

“That he . . . that it was his fault.”

“I don’t know how you want me to say it any other way, Em.” I was about to tell him off, frustrated with the whole world, when the door swung open and a student walked in. They paused as they noticed how close we were sitting and how far out of my row I was.

I looked over at Rain and whispered, “Push me back.” He chuckled before doing so.

Just then, a couple more students filed in, and I pulled out my notebook and camera, ready for Evie to give us instructions on the project. Rain leaned over as the bell rang and threw a small crumpled note on my desk.

I mouthed,Why did you sign it? He laughed, then I put the note inside my bag, not wanting Evie to read this one aloud.

“Okay, everyone, if you are not sitting next to your partner, please make your way next to them and go ahead and smush the single desks together.”

Rain gave me a knowing glance before he smushed me back next to him.

“Long time no see, mi pareja.”

“What?” I asked, scrunching my nose, not recognizing that word. I learned a few phrases after Ash passed, hoping it would keep me connected to him and his culture.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Evie interrupted us before I could press for more. “The project will commence this week, and before we go into the dark room, we will need to work on the actual shooting part,” she explained. “The project is to take a series of photos of things that scare you.”

Someone raised their hand and asked, “Like snakes?”

Laughter rippled through the room, but Evie hushed us with a gesture.

“In theory, yes, snakes could be something that triggers fear, but I want you to dig deeper. What I’m asking you to explore are your inner fears, the things that truly disturb and terrify you, things you may be avoiding confronting,” she explained.

“For the rest of this hour, I want you and your partner to brainstorm. If you finish early, you’re free to leave or continue your discussion elsewhere. However, I’d like you to spend this time talking and planning. Next week, we’ll delve into darkroom basics.”

People turned to their partners, engaged in conversation, but Evie halted us again. “As we covered the basics last week, I encourage you to practice with your film cameras by capturing subjects that evoke fear. It could start with something as literal as a snake, but it should evolve into deeper explorations.” She gestured for us to go ahead as she essentially dismissed the class.

“What do you think? Wanna ditch this joint?” Rain asked.

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