Page 13 of Into the Light

“He loved you so much, Ember.” I couldn’t speak, feeling the wetness back on my cheeks. “I failed him. I failed you.” I tried to shake the feeling off, but then his voice cracked and it was game over for me. Sobs racked my body, and I shook in his arms.

Marissa rubbed my arms, soothing me while telling me everything was okay. I didn’t know where she came from, but I was so oddly grateful for them.

“Everyone is right, though. It is my fault,” I said as I pulled away.

“It’s not. He had a lot of shit going on with him growing up with his father.” I turned back toward the sink and let Marissa wipe my tears with a washcloth before we went back to the living room, then I poured us each a shot.

“This type of conversation requires more booze,” Pico chimed in, and we all agreed.

After we downed the shots, I sat next to them before looking at Pico.

“Who changed the rules?” I asked, my curiosity piqued.

“The boss,” Marissa replied. I wasn’t sure who had taken over for Ash, but someone had to. I always assumed it was Pico.

“Who?” I pressed for more information.

Marissa exchanged a quick glance with Pico, then she whispered something to him. After a moment, she turned back to me and asked, “Are you sure you want to know the answer to that?”

I had asked out of mere curiosity, but now I felt a growing need to know. “Yeah.”

Pico gave Marissa’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “Rain.”

“Of course it is,” I grumbled. Deep down, I knew Rain didn’t want this role. When I was initiated as Ash’s girlfriend, Rain had distanced himself from the club’s rituals. Ash had confided in me that he disliked these traditions, and I understood Rain’s involvement had been more out of obligation than personal desire.

I continued my questioning, “And what did the boss finally say?”

Pico sighed. “He said it was cool if I reached out.”

Of fucking course he did. My frustration with Rain’s newfound authority grew, and I couldn’t shake the feeling of anger. Who was he to suddenly create rules dictating when people could talk to me? I clenched my fists, struggling to contain my emotions.

Turning to Pico, I questioned, “Why is it okay now? Why is any of this normal?” My voice wavered with a mix of anger and confusion. “Just because he’s grieving too, doesn’t give him the right to act like an asshole.”

Pico shifted in his seat. “You’re right. It doesn’t.”

Anger welled up, and I wanted nothing more than to stick it to Rain. Grief might have clouded his judgment, but it didn’t excuse his behavior. I had been through hell too, and I refused to let anyone dictate my life.

Finally, I turned to Marissa, my hands planted on my hips, and said, “You know what? I think I do need to go to that party tonight.”

I did have his camera I needed to return.

“Am I on the list?” I asked Pico. He shook his head.

“You’ll struggle getting in. Security is tight, and honestly, they’ll know it’s you the minute you show up with your bodyguard.”

“He’s not coming,” I said. “I’ll sneak out.” I shot Marissa a knowing look, but I didn’t give a fuck.

“What did you tell him you were coming to talk to me about?” I asked, knowing the rules of the club enough to know Pico had to ask permission to come here.

“Just checking in to see how you were doing after yesterday.”

I didn’t know why but that made me even more upset. He could have called me to ask. He could have come over, but no, he wouldn’t dare do that. Like he didn’t check in these last eight months, what made this any different?

I excused myself to my room and grabbed the camera from my backpack before going back out to the living room.

“This is Rain’s camera he left behind in class. I guess it would only be just if I returned it to its proper owner.” I shrugged. I would not let my trauma dictate my decisions. When I was in therapy, I learned I needed to overcome the pain, and this felt like something I needed to face on my own. I was just going to deliver a camera.

Marissa and Pico exchanged knowing looks before Marissa grinned and said, “Hell yeah you should.”

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