Page 51 of Fourth Wall

“Breathe,” he murmured in a low, gentle tone. “You’re safe.”

I closed my eyes, envisioning my happy place.

“Tell me what you see.” He must have sensed that the crying slowed down so instead of shutting down, I shared exactly what I did.

“I am in my happy place,” I responded.

“What does it look like?”

“I’m in the country, but like, still close enough to a Target…”

He laughed. “Of course.”

“I live in a house with a large, white wraparound porch. There are some wooden rocking chairs out in the front. The kids are running through a fluffy, green field. I have a glass of sweet tea in one hand, and I’m watching my kids play together as the sun goes down. Their giggles and laughter are so loud and joyous.”

His hands reached around and wiped away a few remaining tears, and I realized my breathing wasn’t shaky anymore. I felt…better.

“Thank you,” I said, turning my head to look straight into his deep blue eyes.

“It sounds like a beautiful place.” I nodded in agreement.

“I don’t know what came over me. I was just so emotional watching you out there.”

“I have so much to say,” he confessed, his hand wrapping around my waist as if I was just going to run away. To be honest, we must have looked utterly ridiculous just sitting in the hallway on the floor.

“Now isn’t the right time.”

“I know, but please give me a chance to try?” I swallowed hard.

“I don’t know?” It was a question. I wasn’t sure. I was so tired of someone always pulling away from me, even if he felt soright.

“Fair enough.” His face dropped, and he quickly pulled away from me and offered his hand, lifting me.

“Come on, firecracker.” He attempted a smile, but we both knew it wasn’t genuine. He playfully slapped my ass before I looked back at him and rolled my eyes.

I hated that when I got overwhelmed, it was easier for me to just break down and cry, but I needed to figure out how to build myself up again, too. Because sometimes it was okay to falter, but it was in the regrowth where we really found out who we were.

28

Christian

It was my fault. All of it was because of me, so watching her lay on the floor and break down killed a very large piece that lived inside my chest. For once in my entire life, I desperately wanted to open up to her. I wanted to protect and save her from whatever was happening in her head. I wanted the family that Iwas never allowed to have as a child. I didn’t know what it meant for the future, but I knew I would fight to keep her.

I followed her back outside and joined Julian at the little bar. When he saw me, he quickly put down his beer.

“Please don’t do that. You know I’m fine,” I insisted as I approached him.

“You just went to the foothills.” His voice was low so no one could hear us. “I wasn’t sure…”

“It didn’t have to do with drinking… well, indirectly.”

“What's wrong?” Julian asked. I knew he was asking out of concern, but a part of me was worried he would yank away my job and leave me with nothing again like I was back at the bar ten years ago when he first found me.

“I hooked up with Maeve,” I confessed, and a small turn of his lips made for an unexpected response.

“What?”

“I think we all know.” Julian was a tough guy. He ran an even tougher business, so seeing him smile was a rarity.

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