Page 44 of Fourth Wall

The yard appeared empty, devoid of any immediate threats. As we moved toward the door, the absence of onlookers and the tension of the situation dispelled any lingering Hollywood-inspired illusions. These moments unfolded swiftly and without unnecessary drama. In a single second, the chemistry of our brains could shift, altering the lives of entire families.

As we prepared to breach the door, Stephen positioned himself, hand poised to push it open, his weapon at the ready. I followed closely, fully focused on the task at hand. Suddenly, a deafening explosion erupted, shaking the surroundings with tremendous force.

A persistent ringing invaded my ears, accompanied by the all-too-familiar sounds of distant gunfire. I was thrown off balance, my limbs trembling. The ringing grew louder, tunneling my vision as I desperately searched for Stephen. How did this happen? Where were my men? I turned to my left and saw Stephen clutching his injured hand. Though disoriented, I mustered the strength to crawl toward him, reassured by the absence of any visible bleeding on my own body.

"We need to get up," I urged, trying to shake him out of his shock. His expression remained blank, devoid of emotion. "We need to check on the others," I repeated, and he nodded, both of us grasping at the scorching desert sand. I radioed for backup, requesting immediate assistance from the team in the car. They were to arrive within two minutes. The next one hundred and twenty seconds felt like an eternity.

Finally able to stand, I surveyed the aftermath—a shattered building, rocks and debris strewn everywhere. I tore off a piece of my uniform sleeve and used it to stanch the bleeding from Stephen's gnarly gash. It frustrated me to be the fortunate bastard who escaped unscathed. This was my mission, my responsibility. It should have been me injured.

As I rose to my feet, a sinking feeling settled in my gut, anticipating the grim scene awaiting us. Gripping my weapon tightly, I motioned for Stephen to follow. "I've got your back, Christian," he assured me, and I nodded in acknowledgment as we cautiously navigated through the dusty ruins. We maneuvered past fragments of furniture, barely recognizable in their destroyed state. Walking through what used to be a hallway, I reached the threshold where a door had once stood, and an immediate wave of nausea washed over me. The room beyond held the grim aftermath of a dozen lives, motionless and lacking any hope. Turning toward a corner, I couldn'thold back the urge to vomit, and I watched as Stephen, too, succumbed to the sickness rising within us.

"We need to check for survivors," I stated with a heavy heart, and Stephen simply nodded, his movements sluggish. Death was an ever-present companion in war, but the sight of so many lives extinguished in a single room was unfathomable. We hastened to examine each body, hoping against hope for signs of life, but deep down, we knew the truth. There was no one left to save.

"We have to go check on the others," I muttered as the sounds of our backup team filled the streets. Some men approached, offering their assistance, searching for any survivors they could find. We made our way to the rear of the compound, where a large trap had been set. Stephen cautiously approached, only to recoil in horror with tears streaming down his face. It confirmed my worst fears. My men were gone. I peered into the pit, and the same visceral reaction consumed me.

Bile rose in my throat, and the words escaped in a choked whisper. This was my fault. As their leader, I should have prepared them better, not simply assuming this mission would be like any other convoy. It was my responsibility to ensure their safety, and now I would have to bear the burden of informing their families that they wouldn't be returning home from deployment. It was my fault that an entire room of innocent women fell victim to unspeakable crimes, their lives brutally stolen away.

Please, let this nightmare end. I begged silently, pleading with forces beyond my control. Please, make it stop. The weight of those faces, the echoes of their screams, and the haunting memories of the entire deployment were etched into my soul, an indelible mark I would never forget.

"Christian." Stephen's voice trembled as he shook me gently, his hands gripping my shirt. "You're safe now."

I blinked, taking in my surroundings—the familiar trees, the wooden deck, and the crackling fire before me. Slowly, I took a series of deep breaths, allowing myself to settle back into my seat while Stephen sat beside me.

"I can't remember anything that happened after that day," I confessed, my voice tinged with a mix of confusion and frustration. Following the incident, they transported us to Germany, the nearest and largest hospital. That portion of my life remained a hazy blur, like a fragmented dream I couldn't piece together.

"You didn't speak for weeks. Everyone was worried about you." Stephen spoke in a hushed tone, his concern palpable. "I was worried about you, boss."

"It messed up my marriage," I admitted, the weight of regret heavy in my words. "I loved her, but it was more like a friendship when I left. Coming home, I was already too far gone to make it work."

"When I got out and started clubbing right away, I fell into a deep depression, too," Stephen revealed, his voice filled with vulnerability. "I felt lost without the military. But I got clean, and I was only a few years sober when you asked me to be your sponsor."

"I couldn't think of anyone better suited for the job," I said, offering Stephen a grateful smile, appreciating the bond we had forged through the years.

We sat there in silence, and I swear I could see the first rays of dawn painting the horizon. We must have been out here all night.

"I think I need to spend a few days out here to reset myself," I finally said, realizing the necessity of stepping back and finding my center.

"That sounds like a good idea. But when you go home, you have to be ready to face her, have those difficult conversations, and open yourself up," Stephen advised, his words carrying wisdom. I nodded, acknowledging the truth in his words, and Stephen assured me that he would connect us with our emergency therapist, who had helped us during our time up here.

“On a lighter note, I got married.”

“No way. I wish you would have said that earlier. It would have prevented me from rehashing the worst day of my life.” I half laughed.

“Same guy you’ve been with for a while?” Stephen nodded, and I got up and gave him a big congratulatory hug. “I think I’m going to use some of the schooling we got to enlist in college too.”

“Dude, that is amazing.” Stephen nodded.

“I gotta head back.” I nodded. “You’ll be okay?” Stephen looked concerned.

“I’ll be good. The therapist will come later, and we’ll work things out.”

“Need me to call anyone?” Part of the rules of this place was that no phones were allowed. Even if we wanted to use them, we pulled the cell tower nearby so we couldn’t.

“I got it covered, but thanks.” I gave him one last hug before he headed out, and I was stuck in the quiet forest alone.

“I’ll do this for us, Maeve.” I declared, gazing up at the stars for a final moment before the rising sun engulfed them, heralding a new day and a fresh opportunity to become a better version of myself.

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