Page 33 of Fourth Wall

“It has a pool and lots of Barbies. So many Barbies I don’t know how I’m going to play with all of them by myself.” Their eyes lit up.

“Okay!” They both excitedly screamed, and then we walked to the car. I turned back as I held hands with the little girls to give Mrs. Madison one more nasty look.

“See you tomorrow.” I winked at her, and it was hard to avoid the fact that she rolled her eyes at the same time I did.

Kelsie looked over at me. “Why did you get us these flowers?” I looked at the bouquet of orange poppies.

“When I got home from when I was in the military, they gave us these pretty flowers. Since then, they remind me that I can always get through hard times.” I looked down at the flowers, remembering the deployment I went on that changed my life. I shook my head quickly, trying to rid myself of the memory.

I needed to focus on the present. I got the girls all buckled in the car and drove over to the house, which wasn’t far from their school.

Firecracker:Everything go ok? I’m coming home to grab them, and then I have to run out and grab some groceries.

Me:Packages secured. Go to the store, firecracker. Everyone is fine here.

It was only half a lie. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing with two small kids, but I figured if I took care of entire military units, which were full of adult men who acted like toddlers, I could very well take care of two young kids.

I unloaded them from the car and opened the door. They immediately wanted to see their rooms, so I showed each of them to their room, where there was a lot of screaming and giggling.

“Christian! This is really cool.” Kelsie came over and gave me a huge hug. “I cannot believe we get to live here.”

“There is also a cool pool in the back, too.” I winked at her, and Kinsley shouted, wanting to go to the pool.

“Are you going to be staying here too?” Yikes. I definitely wasn’t ready for this part of the conversation. I needed to somehow tell the truth but also evade the discussion until I could ask Maeve how she wanted to approach it.

“I might, but only if it’s okay with you girls.” Kelsie looked over at her sister. Kelsie was six, and Kinsley was five, so I knew they sort of understood what that meant. I just wasn’t sure how much I was supposed to divulge.

They both shrugged before looking back at me. I don’t know why I felt so nervous. It almost felt like my fate was being decided by two young kids right now.

"Yeah, that's cool with us," Kelsie finally replied, instantly lifting a weight off my chest. Why was I getting so damn worked up about their opinion of me?

"Can we go swimming now?" Kinsley chimed in, and I nodded, encouraging them to change into their swimsuits. I headed to my room to do the same. Once we were all ready, we met downstairs, and I grabbed some plates with freshly cut fruit before taking them to the outdoor table.

"This house is so awesome. I'm glad Mommy moved out of Grandma's place. I can't believe we get to live here," Kelsie exclaimed. A pang of sadness tugged at me, knowing that this arrangement had an expiration date. I watched as the girls enjoyed the food I prepared, then they walked over to discuss which plants I should put in which corner.

At that moment, my thoughts felt grounded. They weren't spiraling out of control. I was surrounded by what felt like a twisted version of family, something I hadn't experienced in a long time. But deep down, I knew it was only temporary.These afternoons filled with their laughter and pure joy would eventually end. Suddenly, I realized that I didn't want it to end. Picking up the girls from school, waiting for their mom to come home, making meals— it all felt like something I had missed out on in my own damn life. I truly didn't want it to end.

21

Maeve

I went to the grocery store alone for the first time in over six years. There wasn’t a crying baby on my hip or a picky toddler. No, it was just me in my silence. I had debated fighting Christian on coming home first and getting the girls before I went, butthe thought of going quickly alone was far too enticing after my incredibly long shift at the diner.

When I parked my car in the driveway and brought some of the bags inside, I was surprised to hear laughter coming from the backyard. I walked out the back door to see an empty plate with some half-eaten fruit on it. Kelsie was dunking Christian in the pool as Kinsley squeaked from the side.

“Get ’em, sissy,” Kins kept shouting.

My heart felt like it would explode out of my chest. Was this my real life? Here I was, having a slight panic attack as I ran through the store because Christian had never been around kids. He said everything was okay, but I expected to walk into pure chaos. Tyler was never involved with the kids. In fact, if I asked him if I could run to the store, he would ask if I was dropping the girls off with my parents first.

“Hey, Mama,” Christian shouted from the pool. I knew we were trying to be friends here, but I have never wanted a man so much in my life than I did right now.

I smiled and walked through the gate to the pool’s edge.

“What are you guys up to?” I asked, watching Christian. My eyes glued on his.

“I fed the girls a snack, and then we hung out in the pool. I put sunscreen on them, too.”

I narrowed my eyes at him in complete disbelief.

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