Page 95 of Into The Darkness

I admit, I was acting like a bitch, echoing Maddy’s previous naive perspective. Life was supposed to be about seizing the college experience and basking in its glory, but the harsh reality was leagues away from that ideal. All I needed was a true friend who’d join me on my bed and navigate through the turmoil with me. I could have texted Marissa back, but it wasn’t her who I yearned for. The desperation weighed heavily on me, the need for someone to help untangle this chaotic mess.

“Damn it.” I sobbed, the answer was evident. I needed Ash. He was the one who could’ve filled those roles effortlessly. He’d sweep up my debris, cradle me through the night with tender words whispered in my ear. He was the missing piece, the solace I craved but couldn’t have.

The slam of the front door resonated like a physical blow, stirring nausea within me. Maybe those donuts were a mistake. I dashed to the bathroom, the retching uncontrollable and overwhelming. After I finished, I washed my face, studying the reflection staring back at me. The girl in the mirror felt like a stranger, altered and shrouded in darkness. She’d become a silhouette . . . lost in her own shadows.

Chapter thirty-eight

The last forty-eight hours had been the longest fucking hours of my life. For the first few hours, I had convinced myself it would be like it was over break. She would eventually tell me it was some larger misunderstanding and come back.

But this was bigger than that. I kept a secret from her, and she was hurt, even though I told her numerous times over the last year that everything would be okay. I had a fucking plan; she just didn’t want to hear it. I never got to tell her the full story, and I was planning on it, but I was trying to figure out the right time.

Yet time passed, my emotions spiraled into chaos. I yelled, I cried, and drowned my sorrows in a haze of alcohol. The truth was undeniable: I couldn’t fathom a world without Ember. Her absence left an emptiness that gnawed at my core, a void that couldn’t be filled by anything else.

Maybe I was being dramatic, but everything seemed to bubble over at the same time. Drained by my dad’s relentless expectations, I lagged behind in all my schoolwork. Teachers warned of my impending failure unless I aced the upcoming final exams. This semester, I prioritized Ember’s safety, ensured the Den ran smoothly, and meticulously planned the bonfire to avoid any potential threats. Oh, and avoided getting murdered.

On top of all that shit, the fucking bonfire was this weekend, and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt Ember more. Killing her brother would tear her apart.

I needed to come up with a new plan, but my mind was blank. All I could think about was Ember.

“Fuck,” I screamed, and some of my books from the bookshelf fell onto the floor, resulting in a loud thump.

Footsteps bounded up the stairs, then Rain opened the door. “What’s wrong?” he asked, searching the room as if he was looking for someone else to be in here with me.

“I want this fucking bonfire over with,” I said. I had a solid plan in place to ensure everything was safe, but if anyone were to capture Walsh, I needed to ensure he went unharmed.

The Alpha house would suspect that I was going to the bonfire early, so I was actually going to pull up after it started. Our small hunting house way back in the woods was only accessible by ATV. I would not go into this by playing dumbass and getting myself killed because I needed to see Ember again.

While I understood that most of my house members were let down by my approach—expecting that I would march out there like a merciless machine and take lives—I simply aimed to survive the night. Pico and Raul had specific orders: find and keep an unwavering eye on Walsh. As for Rain, he’d guide me to the safe house, a location we believed hadn’t been compromised yet.

Everyone at the Den, my dad, and his colleagues had all gone over this plan hundreds of times. We fixed the mistake from last year, by arriving later to the bonfire instead of early, and it felt foolproof. My father’s men supplied us with any weapon we could ever need, so I felt safe on that end.

At the end of the day, I needed to make it through the night to get to Ember. She would always be my end goal. The plan for the bonfire was cultivated months ago, but now it felt like it was worthless. She would never come back to me, not after what I did to her. Not after I lied to her.

The newfound problem was what happened if someone from my fraternity found and captured Walsh? They wouldn’t finish him off unless they got specific orders from me, but I also didn’t want him tortured and beaten until I could get to him. This was all new developments since Ember’s departure from my life.

“What’re you going to do?” Rain had been badgering me since Ember left.

“I told you. I don’t fucking know!” I screamed right in his face before turning back around and regretting my actions.

“Take a break, Ash. Don’t go to the bonfire, go back to the city,” Rain encouraged, but that wasn’t an option—at least not with my father.

I gave him a pointed look before apologizing for yelling. I raked the curls off my face before looking back in his direction.

“I gotta do this for my dad, but I am not touching him.” Rain nodded, knowing exactlywhoI meant.

“The other guys aren’t going to agree to that.”

“I know. I need you to monitor everything. Figure it all out, Rain.” I shoved my hands in my pocket, then looked up to lock eyes with a nervous brother.

“Why won’t you be monitoring?” he asked. I just shook my head.

“For emergencies—if they manage to get me.” Rain nodded as though he understood what I was saying.

“I’m broken without her.” The words felt like gravel against my throat, the admission heavy and raw. It was a monumental effort to restrain myself from drowning in alcohol or collapsing into a messy breakdown right in front of Rain.

His nod was slow and contemplative as he approached me with a deliberate pace. Without a word, he reached for my shirt, pulling me into a hug that was firm and warm. The embrace was a lifeline, and I surrendered to it, feeling the pent-up anguish finally release as sobs racked through me. The weight of my pain felt tangible, yet Rain held it with me, offering the solace of companionship. I stood in his arms for what felt like hours when he finally broke the silence between us.

“You’re my brother, Ash. You’ve been there for me when I needed it most, and now I’m here for you.” Rain’s words carried an unwavering sincerity that resonated deep within me. His promise was a balm to my wounded soul, a lifeline to cling to amid the turmoil that seemed to engulf my world.

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