Page 72 of Into The Darkness

We all crowded around the small living room, with a couple slices on our plates, and chatted about what classes we were taking this semester. I was still in Dr. Connolly’s class since it was a year-long course but had a smaller load this semester since I had gotten a lot of my requirements out of the way already.

“Ember, you gotta take us to an Alpha party at some point,” Maddy chimed in.

“But we promise not to leave you . . .” Beatrice added.

“That sounds like a blast,” I offered, confident that Walsh would have no issues letting us in. However, there was a nagging doubt about the full truth behind Beatrice’s words. Even though I enjoyed the company of my friends, I couldn’t shake the feeling that our interactions often revolved around partying. Sometimes, I yearned for simpler moments like our pizza nights.

“We should also consider a Bachelor night,” I suggested, recalling a social media post I’d come across. When Maddy asked about it, I explained, “You know, we gather every week to watch the show, and everyone brings a special drink based on the theme of the episode.” Their exchanged glances left me wondering what was on their minds.

“Absolutely,” Beatrice agreed, smoothly transitioning to discussing her abuela’s Christmas dinner. I sat back, observing the easy flow of conversation between my two friends. Being taken into their fold was a comfort I deeply appreciated. With Ash out of the picture, I anticipated being lonely. So, if it meant inviting them to more parties to maintain these connections, I was more than willing to do so.

“The reason Ash and I broke up was because he told me about this ritual, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for it,” I confessed, their eyes fixed on me as though I had sprouted worms. I elaborated, touching on the pre-party events at the Den and purposely leaving out the family situation between us. I’m not sure why I felt the urge to confess to them, but the words had been festering inside me, and I needed someone to share this with. This was why we’d broken up, after all. When Maddy found me the night before break, I hadn’t told her the whole story—just that Ash and I had ended things—so hearing me recount the initiation surprised her.

“Are you actually considering it?” Beatrice asked, still caught in a state of shock.

“If I want him back, then I guess I’ll have to,” I admitted.

“Is that something you’re okay with?” Maddy prodded.

“You mean, like being intimate in front of people?” She nodded. “I guess it’s not something I’m strictly against. I’m just not sure.”

“So what’s the real issue?” She was coming off a bit harsh now.

“The problem is that anyone can touch me. I don’t mind being watched, but the touching bothers me.”

“But do you want Ash? If this ritual didn’t exist, would you guys still be together?”

“Yes,” I answered without hesitation. That was definite.

“Then I think if this is a sacrifice he’s asking from you, you should consider it. He’s made significant sacrifices for you, based on what you’ve told us,” she said, her knowledge of his actions barely scratching the surface. She had a point.

“I could . . .” Maybe I could offer this to him. It all felt rather trivial and foolish, and I was struggling to determine right from wrong.

“Relationships are about give and take. If you’re comfortable with it, then perhaps it’s something he’d accept from you, knowing he’ll give something to you in return later on,” Beatrice suggested. “Sometimes it’s not an even split—sometimes it’s more like sixty-forty. Right now, it sounds like he might need a bit more from you.”

“And you just walked away when he asked,” Maddy chimed in.

They were speaking from an honest place. Their perspectives were eye-opening. I had never considered it from this angle before. Maybe there was more to consider here, more than just my immediate discomfort.

“I appreciate your honesty, both of you,” I said, contemplating their advice. “I’ll think about it.”

Maddy’s demeanor softened as she realized her bluntness might have stung. “Sorry if I came across too strong,” she said, “but I know how much Ash means to you.”

“No, you guys are right,” I replied. “I’ll take your words to heart. Thanks for caring enough to tell me what you think.”

We continued chatting, our conversation shifting to lighter topics, but my mind remained occupied with the dilemma they had laid before me.

By the time Beatrice left and Maddy went to bed, I felt a mix of emotions. Beatrice’s and Maddy’s insights had given me a lot to ponder. In my room, as I lay in bed staring up at the ceiling, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I'd made a series of mistakes. I thought back to my time with Ash, to our connection, to the passion we shared. But now, that bond seemed severed, complicated by constant misunderstandings.

As sleep eluded me, I kept returning to Beatrice’s words.“Relationships weren’t always balanced, sometimes one person had to give more.”Could I give this to Ash? It was a question that gnawed at me, making my heart race as I contemplated its implications.

In the quiet of the night, my thoughts circled back to the same painful realization: I had messed up something that was once so promising. Ash’s face lingered in my mind, and I couldn’t help but feel a heavy ache of regret settling deep within me. How had it all become so complicated?

Chapter twenty-nine

I spent the entire week studying and going to work without a single word from Ash. My inner battle with what to do about the ritual had kept me from texting him. Plus, school was kicking my ass. The days all melted into each other, then suddenly, it was Friday, and I knew I would see Ash in class.

It was almost an hour before class that Dr. Connolly tutored me. Today, he would go over with me more of the marketing side of publishing a novel. I dressed up again, but since it was cold in Isles, I opted for a brown ribbed sweater with a pair of jeans and my brown leather riding boots. It was the first time I would see Ash, so I wanted to look good for him. I wanted him to see what he was missing and maybe make him beg a little bit harder.

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