Page 82 of Third Degree

“A rosé, please,” I told the waiter while leaning over the table and reaching for Elio’s hand.

I knew I took him by surprise. He was normally the one who liked to initiate our physical touches, especially in public, but I wanted to give him reassurance that I recognized he was working for me.

The waiter nodded and then walked off as I interlaced my fingers with Elio’s. I didn’t care how stupid we looked to everyone else, sitting holding hands while across the table. If anyone said anything, I would just admit that we were celebrating our honeymoon. I guess that’s what this could be called.

“I want to talk to you.” He gave my hand a slight squeeze.

I knew this conversation was bound to happen. I guess I just wasn’t expecting it to happen now.

“Okay.” I slumped back into my seat and pulled my hand away. I noticed that for the briefest of seconds, Elio reached back out toward me but quickly moved his hands off the table.

“I have been doing a lot of thinking,” he began.

“Okay…” I responded when he didn’t follow up with anything.

“I am truly sorry, rosa mia, about what happened yesterday.”

I still cannot believe it was only yesterday that we got married.

“I told you a little about Bea and our relationship, right?”

I assured him by giving him an affirming nod and an empathetic tug of the corners of my lips. I knew it wasn’t easy for him to talk about her.

He continued, “I lied to her because I wanted to make our family happen. I never left the Mafia because once a Made man, always a Made man. She thought I had struck some kind of deal with my family, so I lied to her to protect her. She thought for years that I was just a club owner.”

I knew this to some extent.

“What I did at the club, I wasn’t proud of. I laundered money for the family, sure. But I also let them use my club as a place for all their dirty business to happen. The basement of the club was often full of bodies, either holding onto life or dead already.”

I winced at his confession. From my father’s business, I knew that people died, but I had been gone for so many years.

I had so thoroughly removed myself from the Mafia life. But truthfully, I knew it wasn’t normal to have dead bodies in the basement of a club. That wasn’t something children should know and expect their parents would do.

“I would go home and wash the blood of a man off my hands before I greeted my wife. When she was diagnosed with cancer, I had planned to tell her the truth. Selfishly because I didn’t want her to die one day without knowing that I wasn’t the good guy she thought I was.”

“Elio,” I interrupted, but he only held a hand up to stop me.

“I am not a good guy, rosa mia. I am a bad man who has done horrible things. But the worst thing I have ever done was when I didn’t include you in the plan for the wedding.

“I have killed more men than I can count. I have tortured and lied even to the people closest to me. When I saw you standing in the aisle, and you were disappointed, I had never felt a deeper hurt than at that moment.”

Suddenly, I could feel my eyes starting to well up.Please don’t cry. Please don’t cry.I tried to will myself not to let go, but he continued on.

“So when I say that I am sorry, I mean that from the darkest depths of my heart. The parts that no one has ever seen. The parts where even I don’t understand myself.” He reached out his hand toward mine, and I immediately interlaced our fingers.

“I didn’t know,” I confessed, squeezing his hand slightly and letting the tears slide down my face. Fuck, I was ruining the makeup I had just gotten done.

“It’s not yours to know. I should have opened up to you more. I should have told you more. I just felt like we were always racing against this clock that was constantly running. I didn’t want you to think of me like Bea would have.”

I didn’t want him to feel like he had to hide this part of himself, this part of his story. I wanted all parts of him.

Regardless, if he was the villain in someone else’s story, he was the savior in mine.

“I want to hear more about her. Julian and Alex growing up. Your work. I want to know about all the parts that make you the person you are today.” I offered a quick squeeze before adding, “I am begging you not to shy away from talking about her. She helped mold who you are. Please talk about her.”

He flashed me another smile before our conversation was momentarily interrupted by the waiter. After perusing the menu, we placed our orders. I chose a prime rib while Elio got a New York Strip. We both decided to split mashed potatoes, green beans, and a salad. It was our honeymoon technically.

This time, I decided to let Elio take the lead and choose for me, and I could see the pride in his eyes as he confidently made the selection.

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