Page 6 of Avery

Phial isn't happy about staying on this planet, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out why. There's a fifty-fifty chance of me getting triggered by walking outside and seeing a Rytharian who looks somewhat like Vyron.

"It might be for the best," I say, turning to talk to Phial. "I go through my heat every month. Going somewhere else doesn't make sense when we'll return here in a few weeks anyway."

Phial's feathers lift on his head, causing my lips to twitch upward. I don't know what causes the feathers to move, but it's cute how, every time, he immediately starts trying to smooththem down. While he works on fixing his feathers, I turn back to the rest of the crew.

Holoth has his arms wrapped around his mate, his head resting on her shoulder. Sloane's sitting in Jovi's lap, her fingers running over Alik's forearm absentmindedly while we all talk. Essa's leaning against the far wall, her tail flicking back and forth in a more irritable way than Phial's, which is lazily lying behind him, not even moving right now. Essa's tail is thinner, with a soft tuft of black fur at the end, whereas Phial's is thicker and tapers off near the tip.

"Look, I know you're all worried about me, but things are getting better." I might be exaggerating a little bit, considering I've only been to two therapy sessions, but I mean, things can only get better. "We can wait here until the Intergalactic Alliance tells us what to do. I can go to the sanctuary for my heats, and I can keep talking to Kithi."

"You're talking with Kithi?" Holoth asks, his brows rising on his forehead. The others all turn to him like they expect him to tell them why that's such a surprise. He shrugs his shoulder. "Good for you. My sister said she helped her a lot when I left."

The only one in the group who doesn't seem surprised that I'm talking to someone is Phial, who's still too preoccupied with his feathers. I laugh, and he catches it, the feathers rising again, much to his dismay.

"Okay, new plan: we stay on Rythar for a while," Alik says, moving to stand from the table now that our plans have been figured out. "We'll see if I can make it through this without killing a Rytharian."

"Tell your mate to stop dancing with the unmated females, and you won't have that issue," Holoth tells him, following the others out of the kitchen.

Alik shoots Holoth a dirty look. "You think I can tell her to do anything?" He looks at Sloane out of the corner of his eyes,and she throws her head back in a laugh. The sounds of their conversations die down as they walk through the ship and back out into the clan. Essa's the last one to leave Phial and me. She stands in the doorway, her tail twitching around again, more agitated than it seemed earlier.

"If you ever want to go out, I can keep you safe," Essa says the words with a calm finality to them. Her attention is on Phial, making sure he doesn't take her words the wrong way, even though they're directed at me. "More safe thananyof the males." She emphasizes the word 'any' as though that will make Phial feel better.

"I can keep her safe," Phial hisses the words, his feather sticking straight up now. His claws fidget at his side, looking longer than they normally are.

"You can," Essa says, not backing down. "I can do it better. That's not a knock against you or any other male. I'm just letting her know that if she fears going out, I'll be there to protect her if she wishes."

Phial's jaw ticks back and forth slightly, and then he nods. A stiff, jerky movement that seems to appease Essa.

"Thank you," I tell her.

I know she's not exaggerating when she says she can keep me safe. I saw her get angry once at K'Vella. Something inside of her just snapped. Her pupils get all weird, her fangs grow long, and she makes the lizard part of my brain say run and hide. The safest place for anyone is with Essa, so long as you're the one she's protecting.

"I'm going to watch movies," Essa says, patting the doorway of the kitchen as she turns to leave. "You can join if you'd like."

"Movies?" I turn to Phial, giving him a hopeful look.

He's tired, or he looks more tired than he used to. He shifts on his feet, and I wonder for the first time if my friendship isn't exhausting for him. I don't see how it couldn't be. I rely on himso much, and I know I need to start relying on myself more. It's something I'm working on, but it'll take time. This could be my chance to give him a break, though.

"Why don't you go do something for yourself?" I offer so he doesn't feel like he needs to keep me company all the time.

"Yes, Phial, go find one of those females who's eager to be with you," Essa says from down the hall.

My heart kicks into overdrive at her words. I don't know why I care so much. Phial's just my friend. He'll always just be my friend. It shouldn't matter what he does with anyone else. He doesn't owe me undying loyalty, not when I can't give him a fraction of what he needs.

Phial's eyes are wide as he watches me digest Essa's words. He opens his mouth to say something, but I can't hear it. I don't want to know what he was doing during my heat. I can't think about that because even though it's unfair to him, it will break my heart.

"You should go do that," I say, giving him an unconvincing smile.

"I should go find a female?" Phial asks, his lips tight and his teeth clenched. "That's what you're saying?"

"Sure." I shrug. "Why not?"

Phial's feathers ruffle as his eyes widen. "Yeah." His throat works as he swallows. He turns away from me, walking down the hall toward the ship's exit. "Why not?"

The sinking feeling in my gut makes me want to throw up. Phial owes me nothing, not when I can't give him anything. He's my friend, and friends are allowed to sleep with other people without their other friends making a big deal about it.

Yeah, this is fine. I'm fine. I say it's fine a few more times until the ship door opens and closes, and then I'm at the waste bin throwing up the food I had earlier.

Perfectly fine.

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