I clench my teeth together, not liking how I'm being told where I will and won't like to be. I'm sure she only has the best intentions. I'm sure she doesn't mean to make me feel like a child who can't handle all the same things that everyone else can. I know she doesn't mean it that way because every female here is here to help because they've been through something that hurt them, too.
None of them told me what hurt them, and I never asked. The same as how they never asked for my trauma. So, when I give the female a dirty look, and she doesn't do anything but hold my gaze, I know she's serious when she says I need to not go to the great hall. I can't let myself be ruled by what could be wrong or not doing something because I might not be able to handle it.
Maybe it's stubborn or stupid or something else, but I don't want to be timid. I want to be the same me before I was put into a collar, before I was altered, before I was kidnapped off Earth. I was brave, I was strong, and I did things even if there was a chance I could get hurt.
So even though I'm probably about to do something foolish, I say, "Take me to my friends."
The female gives me a nod. Her hands are on her hips, but that's the only indication that she doesn't like me not listening to her suggestion. "It's late, so there will be lots happening. Many males and females go to the great hall at night in the hopes of finding someone to spend the night with. Many of them don't even go home."
My stomach goes tight at the description of what I'm about to stumble into. She opens the door to the sanctuary, and my heart deflates a little when I see that no one is here to greet me. It's pitch black outside, though, so it makes sense that they wouldn't be out here waiting. Still, I don't know why I got it in my head that someone would be.
As we walk through the clan, the sounds from the great hall become more and more distinguishable. There's the sound of loud music, moans of pleasure, and lots and lots of laughter. My stomach does another flip, and I'm about to tell the woman I changed my mind and don't want to go anymore.
We're close enough to the great hall that the open doors are only a few yards away. I stop in my tracks, my skin clammy and my face pale.
I forgot. I somehow managed to forget how alike Rytharian males from this tribe look until two walk over to me and the other female. She doesn't see them because she's facing me, making sure I'm okay since I stopped moving.
My eyes are wide, the panic in my brain flicking that switch that tells me to protect myself. I'm more animal than human now, and I don't know if I can communicate with any of them. I definitely can't tell them to get away from me before they're right behind the female, and her nose is twitching in the understanding of why I'm freaking out.
"Jia," one of the males lays his arm over the small female in front of me. Their height difference is so great that I tremble in terror. I'm so much smaller and weaker than these males.
The male who did this to me didn't need to put the collar on me because he could overpower me easily enough, just like these males could overpower me.
"You smell like heat." The male with his arm around Jia nuzzles his head closer to hers and takes a deep sniff.
"You and your friend need someone to help you with any lingering effects?" The other male shoots me a wink that makes me want to curl up into a ball.
I'm standing stock still, my eyes wide, and I don't even know if I'm breathing. The males can't tell that I'm not interested, though. They don't know where I just came from or who I am. They aren't treating me like some traumatized female who can't be near them, but I am. Oh god, I am. Jia's trying to tell the first male to go back into the great hall and let her deal with me, but the other male is trying to talk to me.
"Hey, are you okay?" he asks, lowering his body slightly so he's not towering over me. It's nice in theory, but he just keeps getting closer and closer. His hand reaches up to touch my arm, and I know he's not trying to hurt me or cause me any undue stress, but if he touches me, I'm going to have a full breakdown.
"I got this one." Phial's scales shimmer slightly as he steps in front of me. His feathers are standing on end, the tips of the ones on his back tickling my nose with how close he's standing to me. He doesn't turn around to check on me, but I can feel his tail thumping against the insides of my ankles as it moves back and forth slowly. "Go have fun, Jia. I'll make sure she's safe."
"Are you sure?" Jia asks. She doesn't look to me for confirmation, which has me asking plenty of questions. Or I will as soon as I can think of anything other than running and hiding.
"You know I'll keep her safe," Phial says, his voice sounding tired. I didn't see him come from the great hall, but I don't know where else he would've come from to notice me having a meltdown over being approached by a male.
"I'll let the others know that she's back on the ship," Jia says, giving us a once-over before herding the two males back into the great hall.
The males look a little shaken, but I'm sure it's because they're good men who care that they just sacred me. It's not normal for Rytharians not to cherish their females, so I have no doubt they had no intentions of doing anything to me that I wouldn't have loved. They just didn't know I'm also a little messed up right now.
"Let's get you home," Phial murmurs, finally turning to face me.
He offers me one of his four-fingered hands and even retracts his claws back slightly so his hands are easier to hold. I don't take it. Not because I don't want to but because my whole body is shuddering, the shakes coming on now that the threat has passed. I crumple to the ground, curling in on myself, sobbing hard into my hands, and feeling foolish for having such big responses to such simple interactions.
"It's okay," Phial says softly. His hiss is a calming sound since I'm used to hearing it from how much time we spend together. "You're safe. I'm never letting anything happen to you again."
He kneels in front of me, making sure not to touch me. His claws play in the dirt in front of me, drawing little doodles over and over again that gives me something else to focus on instead of how fucked up I am. He keeps drawing, only moving when his legs get tired or one of them is holding his weight for too long.
We sit there for who knows how long as couples leave the great hall, laughing and moaning and having a great time. None of them matter, though. Not when I can watch Phial doodle in the dirt as I wait for my panic to subside.
"I'm ready," I sniffle when I'm finally able to think clearly enough to know I don't want to sit out in the dirt all night.
"Back to the ship?" Phial asks, cocking his head at me, his big eyes blinking in the weird way that they do.
I nod. "Back to the ship."
He stands from where he was crouched down, his tail lazing about against the ground in a soft swish. He watches me as I get up, dusting my furs off and trying to make sure I don't look like too much of a mess. He doesn't touch me, except for accidentally with his tail. Not since he carried me onto the ship after rescuing me weeks ago.