Page 41 of Snowed In With the PUCK

I glance at her again, and this time, she catches me looking. Our eyes lock, and for a brief second, something flickers between us. Something unspoken, something I can’t quite put into words.

And then, just as quickly, it’s gone. She looks away, her expression blank, and I feel the distance between us grow wider.

I can’t let this go on. I can’t leave things like this.

After a few more minutes of awkward small talk, Kathy and Laura excuse themselves to the kitchen to check on the cookies Jessica had been baking earlier. As soon as they’re out of the room, I turn to Jessica, taking a deep breath.

“Can we talk?” I ask, my voice low.

She hesitates for a moment, then nods. “Sure.”

We move to the far side of the room, away from the tree and the warmth of the fireplace. The air between us feels charged, like there’s too much unsaid. Too much unresolved.

“I’m sorry,” I start, not really knowing where to begin. “I really am. About everything.”

She crosses her arms, her expression guarded. “You don’t have to apologize, Eric. We’ve been over this already. I told you, you were right. It’s not my business to help you find your mom.”

The words are cold, distant, and they hit me hard.

“That’s not what I meant,” I say, frustration creeping into my voice. “I didn’t mean to push you away. I just… I didn’t know how to handle it. I still don’t.”

She sighs, looking tired, like she’s been carrying the weight of this conversation long before I even started it.

“You don’t owe me anything, Eric,” she says quietly. “And this isn’t just about your mom. There’s been too many surprises, too many times when you chose not to communicate. It’s unfair to me. Look, this is your life, your journey. You don’t need me to hold your hand through it.”

Her words sting, but the truth is, Idoneed her. More than I realized.

“That’s the thing, though,” I admit, my voice softer now. “I do need you. I can’t do this alone, Jessica. I thought I could, but I can’t.”

She looks at me then, her eyes searching mine, as if she’s trying to figure out whether or not to believe me. And in that moment, I realize how much I’ve hurt her by pushing her away. By keeping her at arm’s length when she was the one person who could actually help me through this mess.

“I’m scared,” I say, the words coming out before I can stop them. “I don’t know how to face her. I don’t know how to face any of this. And I don’t know what to do about us.”

“Us?” she echoes, her voice barely a whisper.

I nod, my heart pounding in my chest. “Yeah. Us.”

For a long moment, she just stares at me, her eyes full of questions. And then, slowly, she shakes her head.

“There is no ‘us,’ Eric,” she says quietly. “Not the way you want there to be.”

Her words are like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of me.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” she continues, her voice trembling just slightly. “But I can’t be your fix, Eric. I can’t be the one to heal all your wounds. You need to figure out what you want, and you need to do it on your own.”

Her words hang heavy in the air, and for the first time in a long time, I’m speechless. Because she’s right.

I’ve spent so long trying to run from my past, from my feelings, that I haven’t even stopped to think about what I really want. Or what I need. And now, standing here, staring at the woman I care about more than I realized, I have no idea how to fix it.

“I’m sorry,” I say again. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know,” she says softly. “But that doesn’t make it any easier.”

She looks at me for a moment longer, and then, without another word, she turns and walks away.

I watch her go, my heart sinking as I realize that I might have just lost the one person I didn’t know I needed.

Chapter twenty

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