Page 33 of Don't Trust the Cowboy

Those are the last words I say before the word goes black.

When I wake up, I’m screaming aloud, and then I realize that there are two voices. Mine and Piper’s. She’s holding me close, while I cry ugly tears, fighting for dear life. It’s like I’ve died a hundred times since I came home. In those first few nights, I only slept when medicated, and the days melted together, while I recovered from multiple reconstructive surgeries. And then, once I stopped the painkillers, this happened. Over time, it’s been better, and it isn’t every night, but the shit still haunts me to this day. I still can’t even talk to Wade Dire, my best friend. Hell, I know he’s alive, and he’s not far from me, living just outside of Houston, but the thought of seeing him again brings it all back.

“What’s wrong, Billy? Are you okay?” She gasps, crying with me.

I lift, sitting up in bed, and I realize how much of a fucking fool I am. Why did I invite Piper to live with me, knowing full well that this is what I’m faced with? I suppose it never occurred to me that I’d wake up in the middle of the night, screaming bloody murder. Perhaps this PTSD is worse than I thought it was. I’ve had some counselling, but I think that building this ranch and putting my life back together is way more medicinal than anything a shrink or a drug could offer me. But maybe I’m delusional. Maybe I’m doing all the wrong things, especially as I sit here on the edge of my bed, while Piper cries with me. “You were screaming. I thought someone broke into your room and was maiming you or something!”

“And you ran right in here?” I ask, shocked, almost angry, that she’d risk her own safety. “Why would you do that?”

She wipes her eyes and sniffles. “Because I...well, I thought I could help.” She turns my face to hers and wipes my tears with the palms of her hands. “Was it a bad dream? I’ve never heard anyone cry like that before. You were like a wounded animal.”

My body still quivers, like I’ve been brought in with hypothermia. “Yeah. I get them a lot. Sorry I woke you.” I say through chattering teeth.

“Is it from when you were in the military?”

I nod. “Yeah. It’s some fancy thing called PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder. I thought it was all bullshit, but I’m living proof that it’s not.”

She wraps her arms around me as if I’m freezing cold, as she pulls the blankets up over me. “I’m...sorry you had to witness this. I don’t know what I was thinking having you move in here with me like this. It was a stupid idea.”

“It wasn’t at all, Billy. Quite the opposite. You need help and maybe this is the way to figure that out.”

As she pulls me to her, I start to calm. Her touch is so gentle and loving, as she rubs my back and holds me to her, like we’ve been friends for years, and she’s well versed in this. I let myself lean my head on hers, taking in the comfort. Something I haven’t had in a long time from anyone. And I’m not even talking about sex here, either. This is tender, vulnerable, unconditional love and support that she’s showing here. It takes quite a woman to bust into a man’s bedroom when he’s crying out, and comfort him, in the middle of the night. I give her a lot of credit for doing that.

“You’re a doll, you know that.” I murmur to her as I feel my heart finally beat at its normal pace.

She answers by kissing my cheek. “Anyone with half a heart would do the same, Billy.” She kisses my cheek again. And I find myself kissing her cheek right back in thanks.

“Are you feeling better?”

I nuzzle my head on hers. “Yeah. I’m sorry to say this, and I don’t know if it’s at all appropriate, nor do I give a rat’s ass right now, but, you’re just the right medicine, darlin’.”

Another kiss, but this time on the temple. “A little TLC sometimes is all we need, Billy. It’s simple.”

“I suppose you’re right.” She holds me tighter. God love her. She wasn’t afraid to come in here to me. Either that or she was a fool. I really think it’s the former. I draw in a deep breath and let it out. “Well, I think it’s pretty safe to say that we’ve crossed the line between employer/employee relationship.”

She chuckles. “We crushed it, Billy. From the second I saw you in your towel and you saw my ass, we were well beyond that.”

“And you’re still here. Now, that’s saying something.”

“I love it here. I’m not going anywhere.”

I look at her, almost in awe. I search her eyes. “But this place is a dump. You could do so much better.”

Her eyes search mine, too. “Billy, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. This isn’t a dump to me at all.” She blinks. “In fact, I think it’s a shame that you’re building another house. This one has so much character.”

I consider that for a moment. Maybe she’s right. Maybe my judgement is skewed by all this mental shit I’ve got going on. I start to question myself. “You really think so?”

With a nod, she licks her lips. “I mean, some paint, new windows, and a few updates here and there, and this little house would be completely restored to its original beauty. Even Jade and Crystal said that.”

I sit here, amazed by the amount of care that this girl has in this place, and in me, for that matter. I’m seeing her in an entirely different light. “Maybe I should turn the bigger house into...like an Inn.”

She nods. “I think that’s a great idea. You said that you wanted to do something like that.”

“That, and I have to have some accommodations for my ranch hands at some point.”

“Well, the Paxton boys are local, right?”

He nods.

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