Page 88 of Smooth Sailing

I was getting angry.

And it was probably the current situation that made me do something I’d never done, outside of burying all this disquiet about Mom, ignoring it or making excuses for it.

I pushed back.

Okay, Mom, you know I love spending time with you. But she’s been gang-raped. So maybe next time shoot me a text or give me a call to make sure I’m free or can take time off work.

And that was when I got, Oh my God, Diana. Trigger warning next time.

I stared at the text, something bubbling inside me like acid.

It was then I remembered I didn’t tell her about my own assault.

It wasn’t because I was worried her response would be like Dad’s, but because I knew she couldn’t handle it.

I’d protected her, my own mother, from my assault.

“Not sure, no matter how hard you frown at your phone, you can make it blow up in your hand,” Big Petey remarked.

I looked to him.

“You okay, girl?” he asked quietly.

“My mom can sometimes be difficult,” I told him.

He watched me closely. “Yeah. That can happen.”

“She made plans to come this weekend but didn’t ask.”

His scraggly gray beard twitched with irritation.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “And she wasn’t a fan of me putting her off.”

“Welp, she’s got a grown girl on her hands, so she doesn’t really have a choice, does she?”

No. She didn’t.

I turned back to my phone.

We’ll plan something later, I promised.

I was about to set that unpleasantness aside and chat with Big Petey about Suzette when my phone vibrated in my hand.

Another text from Mom.

Whatever. Rick’s going to be furious we have to pay for a flight change, but I suppose we’ll have to deal with it.

She would, I had no doubt, have spent tens of thousands of dollars on clothes, shoes, purses, and if she went hog wild, that ante would be upped substantially if she hit a jewelry counter.

So a flight change was the least of her expenses.

But a chill crept over my skin at understanding this happened too. Me being to blame for something Mom didn’t get when she wanted it.

She’d given up custody. Didn’t even fight for me. I saw her on some weekends. We’d have dinner together. Dad gave her alimony until she married Brendon (husband two of three). And that alimony wasn’t stingy.

Fortunately for Dad, Brendon came on the scene quickly, and as Mom told it, even though she was heartbroken at Dad’s infidelity, Brendon, “Swept me off my feet.”

With the custody deal, and even after it, during the short time she was with Brendon (and when I grew older, I realized Brendon didn’t last long because he was a rebound), I thought at the time she just couldn’t deal because she was so brokenhearted at the betrayal then loss of Dad.

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