Page 3 of Burly and Honorable

I shrug, leaning back further and forcing my hands to relax. “He never hesitated about going after what he wanted.”Even when he knew I wanted the same woman.

Hanna tilts her head, studying me for a second before nodding. “Yeah. He was driven like that.”

“So,” I cough, uncomfortable at how awkward this all feels. I love Hanna, but reconciling that love and the loss of Keenan has me in knots. “About these letters. If this is what Keenan wanted, we’ll do it.” My voice is even, but I clear my throat anyway, covering emotions that threaten to choke me. “But it won’t be easy. For either of us.”

Hanna nods. Her hands are visibly trembling now, but her expression is determined. Her face is downcast, and I can’t look away. She’s always been like this, even in grief—vulnerable and unshakably strong at the same time. Stronger than I am.

And here I am, still torn between guilt and wanting her.This isn’t about you. Don’t make it about you. Focus.

“I know it won’t be easy,” Hanna says, breaking the silence. “I just need it to feel… right. Like I’m doing something for him. Like I’m not—” She stops and shakes her head.

“You’re not,” I reassure her quickly, the conviction in my tone surprising even me. “You’re honoring him and his wishes. We both will be.”

Her eyes flicker up to meet mine, and I think I see relief there. Or maybe I’m just hoping for it.

She nods, and we fall silent.

“You’re quiet,” she says suddenly.

“Just thinking,” I reply, forcing the words out evenly.

“About what?”

I hesitate. I could lie. Tell her I’m thinking about the logistics of the trip, or Keenan, or anything else. But none of it would be true. I can’t stop thinking about her. “About what we need to do.”

“Jordan…” Her voice trails off.

When I look up, she’s watching me with an expression I can’t quite read. “What?” I ask, trying to keep my tone light.

She hesitates, then shakes her head. “Nothing. I just…I don’t know how you do this.”

“Do what?”

“Stay so steady,” she says softly. “It feels like the ground’s been shifting under me for a year, and you’re…solid.”

I swallow hard, the weight of her words hitting me in a way I didn’t expect. “I’m not as okay as you think.”

Her eyes stay on mine, and I consider confiding in her about how hard it’s been, how much I’ve missed my best friend, how much I’ve missed her. I like the guys I work with up here on Silver PineRidge, but it’s not the same kind of bond. Keenan and I grew up together. We served in the Army together. That bond can’t be replicated.

“We can head out after lunch tomorrow. I’ve got a meeting with the other men up here in the morning. We’re working on some projects, and I need to tell them about our trip.”

“Can you take off like that?” Hanna asks, finishing her tea and putting the mug on the table.

“Well.” I exhale. “Not normally. But my buddy Cody owes me a favor. I don’t think anyone will object when I tell them why I need time. They know what Keenan meant to me.”

How the hell am I supposed to survive this trip?

In the morning,I hike to The Lodge for Jax’s weekly update meeting. The Lodge is Jax’s—and now his fiancée Leesa’s—home, where we hold all our meetings. We used to check in every month or so, but with the additional work we’ve been doing, we had to switch to a weekly schedule.

“The third cabin for Ghost Security is almost complete. Jordan and I expect to be finished before the end of the month.” Acesays, looking at me.

Jax looks at Ace and me, nodding as he strokes his beard. “Good work, you two. That one should be the last for now, but getting a straight answer out of those men is difficult, so we’ll see. Next, we have more work coming our way through Waylon and his team, in addition to the safe houses we’re building. Waylon floated the idea of a survival program for kids.”

“I like that,” Cody interrupts. “My father taught me how to track when he took me hunting. I’ll volunteer for that project. Those are solid skills for anyone—especially children—to learn.”

Waylon strokes his beard and chuckles. “Well, that was easy. I thought that, especially with children, the project would be a hard sell.”

“Nah, man. I’ll do it.” Cody affirms. “And if Ace keeps drinking the last of the beer and not replacing it, I’ll make him join me with the kids.”

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