Page 51 of The Secret Play

“And Whitney knows.”

“She won’t tell. Whitney’s the only reason we’ve gotten this far without it blowing up in our faces. But if this gets out, I’m cooked.”

“You’re worried about your job,” she said, her tone flat, as if she had any right to be disappointed in me.

“Of course, I’m worried about my job,” I said, the frustration slipping into my voice. “This is my career, Gemma. My entire life. And now I’ve got a daughter I didn’t even know about, and I don’t know how…I don’t know anything at all.”

Neither of us spoke for what felt like an eternity. I resumed pacing and dragged my fingers through my hair, wishing that was her hand, her gentle touch. I loved when she did that.

Not today, though.

“I need to think,” I said finally.

“Casey,” she said, standing.

“I need to think,” I repeated, my voice firmer this time. “And I can’t think here. You’re here. I’m too…you muddy things up in my head.” I started toward the door, but before I could reach it, she was there, standing in front of me.

“Don’t go,” she said, her voice trembling.

“I have to,” I said. The look on her face made it feel like my chest was caving in.

She grabbed my arm, her brown eyes locking on mine. “I love you.”

The words stopped me in my tracks.

My body went numb. I was overloaded. I forced the words out, “How…how can you say that to me now?”

“I had to tell you.”

“To make me stay?”

She shook her head. “I’m not trying to manipulate you, Casey. I needed to say it. I’ve wanted to say it for days?—”

“After you drop this on me, you say that, and I’m supposed to…what, exactly? Say all’s forgiven, let’s be a happy family? Gemma, you’re fucking with my heart, my livelihood, my life, and I have no idea how to handle any of this?—"

“I know this is a lot,” she said, her voice shaking. “And I know I’ve handled it all wrong. For someone who writes for a living, I suck at saying things the right way out loud. But I love you, Casey. I love you so much, and I don’t want to lose you.”

My heart ached at her words, torn between the anger, the confusion, and the deep, undeniable love I felt for her. But it was too much—the playoffs, the team, the policy, and most importantly of all, Winnie.

If I said it back, if I told her I loved her, I couldn’t be rational. I’d give into whatever she wanted, and I’d ruin my career over it. The career had given my life meaning when I was so lonely for so long that I thought love was a construct and the only real thing was my work. Whenever love had let me down, work was there for me. I couldn’t just say screw it, could I?

Her house had become unbearably small and suffocating. I had to go somewhere I could breathe again. “I need time.”

She nodded, stepping aside to let me pass, but the hurt in her eyes killed me. I opened the door and walked outside, the cool night air hitting me like a splash of cold water.

I didn’t look back. If I did, I’d never get this figured out, and there was a very young child in need of me figuring it out. I had to leave for her sake.

Chapter 20

Gemma

Ishouldn’t have done it.

The words echoed in my head as I stood at the door Casey had just walked through, my hands trembling and my heart pounding in my chest. I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t have told him I loved him. And I definitely shouldn’t have let him leave like that.

But I couldn’t stop myself.

Telling him about Winnie was one thing. Telling him that I loved him was another. It crossed a different sort of line. I understood why he had asked me why I’d said it now of all times. From his end of things, it must have looked like I was trying to manipulate him. But on my end of it, the words had just come spilling out. It was not a plea to control him—it was my heart’s declaration that I couldn’t tamp down any longer.

---