Page 44 of The Secret Play

“I thought we were leaving our pasts in the past. The fact that you’re older than me means you have a lot more experience than I do, and I don’t judge you for that. I don’t think you should judge me for my past, either.”

“This isn’t about judgment, Gem.”

“Well, I don’t think this is a conversation we should be having right now.”

“Why not?” he asked, his eyes searching mine. “If there’s even a chance?—”

“There’s not,” I said quickly, cutting him off again. “I’m not doing this, Casey. Not here, not now.” He opened his mouth to argue, but I held up a hand, silencing him. “I’m serious. If you want to keep seeing me, then drop it. Right now.”

Frustration stiffened him right back up. He glanced out the large window, and if I had to hazard a guess, I would have said he was debating on a response. I hoped he chose wisely.

“Okay,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

I nodded, swallowing hard as I tried to calm the storm raging inside me. “Apology accepted. Now, can we just…enjoy our ice cream?”

He managed a small smile, but I saw through it. I’d screwed up and hurt his feelings by shutting him out, and that stung us both. But he said, “Yeah. Ice cream sounds good.”

The shop was a counter service kind of place, so we made our selections—his pistachio waffle cone and my dulce de leche milkshake—and sat back down. Awkward wasn’t a heavy enough word for what happened until our food arrived.

We were silent. Not the comfortable silences we’d had before. This one was peppered with unasked questions and regret.

When the food came, we both dove in, thankful for something to do with our mouths that wasn’t talking. I could tell Casey wanted to bring it up again, but he didn’t, and for that, I was grateful.

But internally, I was falling apart.

He knew. Or at least, he suspected. And I couldn’t hide it much longer. When we were parting ways outside the shop, he tipped his head to the side, his brow lined from deep thought. “You didn’t ask why I thought it might have been you.”

I swallowed. “You said you were at the same masquerade as me.”

“Right, but why wouldn’t I know the face of the woman I slept with?”

“I thought we were done talking about this, Casey.”

“I’m not asking about that night. I’m asking why you didn’t ask how it is. I wouldn’t have known who I slept with.”

I shrugged. “It was a masquerade. We were all wearing masks. I assumed people who hooked up that night kept their masks on for the sex.”

“Hmm,” he said stiffly. “I guess that’s where you and I differ. That kind of thing wouldn’t have occurred to me. If I’d been on the receiving end of those kinds of questions, the first thing I would have asked is how it is you don’t know who you slept with. Strange that you knew we kept our masks on.”

My heart leaped into my mouth. “Isn’t that the point of hooking up at a masquerade? The spicy anonymity?”

“Yeah, but?—”

“You obviously don’t read enough romance novels, Casey. It’s a thing. I’ll send you some links to the ones I like.”

Just like that, with one lie, his worry lines melted away. “That’s really a thing in those books?”

I nodded, relieved he bought it. “You’ll see.” We said our goodbyes, and that was that, but nothing felt resolved because it wasn’t.

Later that night, after Winnie was asleep and the house was quiet, I sat on the couch with my head in my hands, replaying the conversation over and over in my mind. I had done hours’ worth of research for romance novels that had that plot in them and sent him the links. Thankfully, social media made it easier than reading the books myself.

That had been a welcome distraction from my guilt.

I’d always known this moment would come. From the second I figured it out, I knew it was only a matter of time before he put the pieces together. But I’d convinced myself I could handle it, that I could keep the truth buried until I was ready to deal with it.

I had lied to him and to myself.

Because the truth was, I didn’t know if I could deal with it. I didn’t know if I was ready to face what it would mean for Casey to find out he was Winnie’s father.

---