Page 78 of Pucked and Pregnant

Did I remember to eat today?

I think I had breakfast at least. Max and I went to that French toast place.

No, that was yesterday.

Shit.

I whisper an apology to the raspberry-sized little life growing inside me and promise to try to do better.

I have no energy to cook and there’s no way I’m going to ask Connor, not with the day he’s had. So takeout it is.

I’ll just have to wait until it won’t be insensitive to ask about food. As hungry as I am, peppering him with questions about delivery the moment he gets in the door would be beyond rude.

Apparently, I don’t have to worry about that because as I step into the living room Connor walks in with a takeout bag.

“I know you’ve been talking about trying to eat more regularly, so I figured I’d bring over some dinner.”

His smile is dazzling and his demeanor is composed, but I know him well enough to be able to see through to the cracks underneath.

“I stopped at Pane Perfetto by your old neighborhood. I remember that was where you’d always insist on going for any type of celebration. I got stuffed shells for you, garlic bread, a salad to share, and a double portion of pasta alla norma for me. Oh, and bomboloni for dessert. Table? Couch? How fancy are we getting?”

He’s pulling out all the stops for me. There’s clearly something big going on under the surface. I’m worried it’ll kill him if he tries to keep this up all night.

I gently take the bag out of his hands and set it on the coffee table. I know he can sense the vibe shift because his whole body stiffens. His eyes are a mix of agony and terror when he looks at me.

“Connor, this is wonderful but?—”

“You changed your mind and want me to go. No problem. I get it.”

He tries to turn away but I catch his hand before he can. I drop down onto the couch and pull him along with me. I tuck my legs under me and turn so I’m fully facing him.

“I need you to look at me when I tell you this,” I say softly.

He clenches his fists so tight his knuckles turn white but he does what I ask.

“Okay. So what’s the but for?”

“This was a wonderful gesture,butyou didn’t need to do all this. You told me you were having a bad day. That’s the whole reason you came here. You don’t have to pretend everything’s okay. I know you well enough to see right through that shit. If you don’t want to talk about it, I get it. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do or aren’t ready for. Just don’t pretend. Not with me.”

I didn’t think it was possible but he tenses up even more.

He forces a smile. “I didn’t want to go out for drinks, but I didn’t want to be alone, either. Yes, I had a shit day, but it’s not anything I won’t get over.”

“Connor, I don’t know what happened to make you feel like this but it’s okay to not be okay when you’re with me. It isn’t going to change the way I see you.”

His whole face seems to crumble. The next thing I know, I’m in his lap and he’s holding onto me with the same intensity that a child clings to their favorite teddy bear.

Connor’s hands are shaking and he buries his head into the crook of my neck. He’s quiet, and I feel a few tears drop onto my skin.

I don’t know how long we’re going to stay like this and it doesn’t matter. This is something he needs, and I’m not going to take it away from him.

He lets me go after several minutes, and when he does, it’s like he’s an entirely different person.

His eyes are warm and kind. His body appears more relaxed than I’ve ever seen him. He seems softer, calmer.

I’ve caught glimpses of what’s behind that confident mask before, but this time I know I’m seeing the whole thing.

He takes a shaky breath. “It’s been so hard keeping this secret from Max. I know it's different because he’s your brother, but he’s one of my closest friends. I know it’s unlikely that he’s going to take it well, and the guilt is eating me alive. I haven’t been sleeping, I feel super overwhelmed, and I keep getting stuck in these thought loops.”

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