Page 52 of Knocked Up By the Silver Fox

Beth was not and would never be a replacement for Kate. I loved them both uniquely and the spot I held for Kate would always be there. But Abby needed to understand what I failed to articulate—that my love for Beth would never supersede my affection for my daughter or her late mother. Abby was my world, and now Beth was part of that world, and Baby Will too.

"I think so," she said, and her frown resolved into a soft smile. She wrapped her arm around mine and we walked between headstones until we stopped at Kate's.

We stood for a moment in silence. It was difficult to muster any words. Kate's death had been so tragic, so sudden. It crushed me to feel so weak and vulnerable, to know at any second life was so fragile it could be sucked away and there was nothing you could do to stop it. A fate so cruel and punishing it not only stole your loved one, but your peace and your ability to feel secure in life.

Kate was a treasure and I still missed her. But I had managed to find my security not in the idea that death would never touch me, but in the idea that life could be lived fuller and more deeply in light of its fragility. Death taught me to love with more passion and hope, and it made me see how precious those around truly were.

"She'd have liked Beth, I think…" Abby was the first to speak and her words brought tears to my eyes.

"Yes, I really think she would have. They'd have been best friends." I smiled through my tears as Beth sat Will's car seat down next to the head stone. He was starting to fuss, squirming around in his swaddle, and Beth clung to me.

"I would have loved to have known her. If she could create such an amazing, generous, wonderful daughter, I know Iwould've loved her." Even Beth had tears in her eyes. It was like Kate was here, giving us her blessing once and for all. Like the heavens had opened and she was smiling, saying it was okay to move on, to love again, to be free and happy.

"Mom, I miss you," Abby said, and she was crying, sniffling and wiping her face.

"I miss you too, Kate." I squeezed Abby tighter to my side, and Beth wrapped her arms around both of us.

"Don't worry, Kate, I'll take really good care of them."

I let a sob leap up out of my throat before choking the rest back. My heart was so full in that moment feeling the release of all that mourning just flood me with hope and peace. Abby smiled up at me and then looked down at Baby Will.

"I think Mom likes him too…" Abby's words were dusted with joy, and I looked down at Baby Will and smiled.

His face screwed up into what looked like a smile and then a scowl, and he let out a whimper.

"He's getting fussy…" Beth stooped to rub his cheek, and I knew it was time to move along before he got too hot and started screaming.

"Can we come back again sometime?" Abby asked, and I bent to pick up Will's seat.

"Anytime you want, baby," I told her, but she shook her head.

"I mean me and Beth. I think I'd like to sit here and tell her about Mom sometime." Abby took Beth's hand and helped her stand up, and Beth looked at me as if she were so moved by that idea.

"I think I'd love that," she said and put her arm around Abby.

The three of us walked back toward the car and it was like a weight had vanished from my shoulders. The drama at work was finally over. Beth was healthy and had given birth to my firstborn son. Abby finally accepted a lot of things that I thought she'd never be able to process, and after years of feeling lonelyand depressed, I had a family again. I had a real second chance at this thing called life, and I wasn't going to take that for granted.

My happily ever after came in the form of a tornado that turned my entire life upside down yet put everything into place exactly how it should be, and Mother Nature has never been so kind.

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