Page 61 of True Blue

I go to text him back, thumbs hovering over the keyboard as my mind blanks on what to say. I shake my head and drop the phone to my side. Swiping at my cheeks with my other hand, I glance around, mind racing with what to do now. I can’t fly back to the Coast, everyone has to be out of their dorms for breaksince there won’t be any RAs on campus. I'm not going back to Mom’s house. Not after the things she just said to me without caring about what I said.

I shake my head. I want to call Bentley or Axel or Lay, but they’re all having their own breaks. I shouldn’t bother them with my family drama while they’re with their own.

I pull up my phone, remembering the voicemail Axel left me and que it up to play.

“I can’t believe you just did that, Janette,” Axel’s voice plays in my ear. I laugh, tears still on my face as I remember the looks on their faces after I said I love them. They both had gone slack jawed, staring down at me, frozen in place and I knew they’d be mad at me for leaving, but I couldn’t handle the tension I created, so I just slipped out, figuring I’d call them both sometime over the break.

Axel’s message continues. “I am so pissed off and turned on, and just—ugh—why did you leave like that? You didn’t even wait for us to say anything.”

I kick the pavement with the toe of my shoe, wondering what would have happened if I had stayed. They probably wouldn’t have let me leave anytime soon. Maybe I would have missed my flight and had to go with Axel to Maine. Maybe I’d be on my way to Switzerland right now. My chest squeezes at the idea of being with at least one of them right now.

“I’m not going to say it back right now, because I want to do it in person, but ditto, okay?”

My heart stops, whole body freezing up at his words.

“And when we all get back in a few days I’m never going to stop saying it.”

Tears well up in my eyes all over again, completely different from the ones I previously shed. I listen to him pause, holding my breath to hear what he has to say next.

“Call us if you need us. I mean it, Blue. Don’t hold it in because you don’t want to ruin our vacations.”

I laugh through my tears at how well he knows me.

“We want to be there for you when you need us. Let us do that.”

I sigh, adjusting the tote bag on my left side.

“Alright, I'll see you in a few days. Layla’s going to try to make Mom’s cobbler. I’ll bring some back with me. Oh, and start planning how you’re going to make this up to me. Later, Blue.”

I laugh again at the end, knowing he probably wants me to start planning some elaborate strip tease or something.

When the voicemail ends, I replay it, just wanting to hear him say it all again. After the second play through, my resolve crumbles, and I know I have to call him. The phone rings twice before he picks up.

“Hey, Blue. Did you make it home okay?” His excited voice makes my stomach gnaw on itself.

“Yeah, I got home okay.” I glance around the street when a car goes by, hearing Axel shuffle on the other side of the line.

“What’s wrong?” He sounds clearer and I know he must have just taken me off speaker and sat up or something.

“Um,” I sigh, dropping the tote bag off my shoulder and leaning it against my leg. “My mom invited Christopher over for dinner. He was there when I got home. And when I told her I didn’t want to have dinner with him, she pulled me into another room and told me I was acting childish for not wanting to be with him for his money.” I start crying again, picturing Mom glaring at me and calling me ungrateful.

“Oh, Blue.”

“I left the house,” I blurt. “I told her I was seeing someone and that I loved them, and she just looked at me like I wasstupid and asked me who it was.” I leave out the part where she basically insulted Axel.

“Come to Maine, Blue.” I hear him moving around on the other end again, probably pacing and running his hands through his hair. “I’ll send you some money if you need it for the ticket. Come stay with us for the break. I don’t want you alone right now, I want you here with me. Lay will be here for you too. And I already told you Dad and Gwen still think of you as family. Come spend the holiday with us and then we’ll drive back to the Coast together.”

I laugh through the third wave of tears, picturing their house the last time I saw it. Staring at it as we drove away in the middle of the night. My heart squeezes. “Okay,” I whisper.

“Okay? You’re coming?” He whoops loudly in my ear, and I laugh again. “I was serious about the money. Do you need any to cover the ticket?”

“No, I’ve got the cost of the ticket, Axel. I don’t know when the next flight will be, but I’ll text you when I get to my gate to let you know when I'll be there.”

“Okay, awesome. I can’t wait to see you. And, Blue?”

I pick up my tote, planning to order an Uber once I'm off the phone. “Yeah?”

“I’m really sorry your mom said that to you. We’ll talk more when you get here, but you don’t deserve that. Don’t spend the next few hours thinking you do.”

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