Page 33 of True Blue

Axel cancelled again on our Friday library meet up last week, not even coming to our classes either, but then he showed up in our Wednesday class, still sitting away from Bentley, but coming right down to my front row seat and sitting down next to me. We didn’t speak since he showed up just as Howards walked in, then packed up and left the moment class was over. I wanted to ask what was going on, but he didn’t even look at me to give me a chance to try to say something.

Then I showed up to class this morning to find Bentley sitting in the seat on the left of my usual spot. I paused on the stairs, limbs faltering as I remembered our kiss two weeks ago. Shaking off the feeling when someone bumped into me to get to their seat, I walked down to my usual spot with as much bravado as I could summon and sat down.

Bentley looked over at me and I met his eyes as I pulled out my notes for the class. He’d searched my whole face, and I wondered if his thoughts were in the back of Kitsune Grill like mine were. But then he just nodded and faced forward again without a word.

Axel showed up right as Howards did again and it made me wonder if he was hiding in the hallway, waiting to go in at the last possible moment so he didn’t have to speak to either of us. He sat down next to me on my right side, avoiding my eyes when I looked over at him. Bentley looked at him too, but I found regret playing across his features when I glanced over at him. He tried to hide it, smiling to me as Dr. Howards started class, but I spent most of the hour thinking about that look and trying notto explode under the tension running in all directions around the three of us.

“Still meeting in the library later?” Axel said when Howards released us to go. His eyes stayed on my face, not sparing Bentley a glance. It had been the most I’d heard him speak since the first time we sat together in the library on the second week.

I turned to look at Bentley who stared up at Axel before nodding and staring down into his bag as he packed up.

“Yeah, see you there,” I said as Axel nodded once and walked off.

I remember watching him leave as I sit on his sister’s bed and stare into her eyes that almost perfectly match his.

“I didn’t tell them,” I say, picking at a thread on the pillow in my arms.

“Coward!” Layla yells and I let my head fall back against the wall behind me.

“I know, but things are so weird, not just with me but with them too. What was I supposed to say? ‘Hey guys, here’s the research I’ve compiled and oh by the way, I broke up with Christopher so now I’m free and open to date either one of you.’ Be fucking for real.” I narrow my eyes at her, squeezing the pillow further against my chest.

She leans forward and shoves my foot. “Yes! You need to tell them. They’re both operating under the assumption that you’re off-limits when you’re finally home free!”

“We’re barely all talking to each other again. I’m not throwing another wrench in the mix right now. If them thinking I’m still with Christopher helps us all get along, I’m not going to change anything.”

“Bentley kissed you while you were still with Christopher,” Layla points out, starting to spin back and forth on her chair.

“You need to calm down.” I laugh. “Take some melatonin or something, you’re way too jittery right now.”

Layla shrugs, starting to complain about how she thought her Romantic Period English class would be more Pride and Prejudice and less William Blake poetry, but my brain wanders off as I nod along.

Axel had already been in the library when I showed up at two minutes to five. He sat at the same table I picked out last time, already focused on the screen of his laptop. I picked up my pace, wanting to talk to him before Bentley showed up, but as I came up to the table, I realized he had earbuds in. Not wanting to disturb him if he was actually trying to avoid us, I sat down, pulling out the books I took out last time we were here and my laptop to keep taking notes on the passages I marked with sticky notes.

“Hey, Blue,” Axel whispered, pulling my focus back over to him as he took out the earbud on the side closest to me.

“Hi, how have you been?” I turned toward him in my chair, gripping the edges of it to stop myself from reaching out to him. The urge to touch him had apparently only grown in his absence the last couple of weeks.

He sighed, tipping his head back and staring at the ceiling. “I’m sorry I ditched the last few times. I’ve been feeling off for a bit and just needed to figure some stuff out.” He glanced down at me with a small smile. “Forgive me?”

I rolled my eyes. “Nothing to forgive, Axe. We have the whole semester to do this project. Plus, Bentley cancelled once too so it wasn’t just you.”

Axel deflated a bit, looking much more relaxed as his smile grew larger. “I was worried you'd be pissed at my flakiness.”

I shook my head. “You’re good, Axe. Just next time you’re feeling off, talk to me or Lay. We were both worried about you.”

“I don’t think you want to know about what’s bothering me,” he murmured, playing with the earbud in his hands.

I’d been about to prod him about it more when Bentley walked up, dropping his bag next to the chair across from me and sitting down with a friendly greeting. We spent the next hour in a tense silence, Axel putting his earbud back in once I showed them both the research I already compiled. When we hit the hour mark, he pulled out the headphones, closing his laptop and saying he’d see us in class on Wednesday before leaving quickly.

Bentley sighed, watching after him before looking to me and then ducking his head. We’d packed up quietly, an awkward silence around us before we both stood up and just nodded, heading in different directions at the door.

“Where’s your head, babes?” Layla calls, snapping her fingers as I glance up.

“Sorry, got lost in my thoughts.” I slump down a bit, picturing Axel’s face as he sulked at the library table.

“Heard anything else from Aunt Sandy?” she asks cautiously.

I sag further down. “Yes.” I wiggle my phone out of my back pocket without sitting up. “She texted me yesterday.” I pull up our chat, reading the long text she sent before I woke up yesterday.

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