Page 89 of Lose You to Find Me

There’s a fire in his eyes that I can tell is directed at Caleb, so I’m quick to extinguish it. “I never told him. I broke up with him because I love him too much to put a hold on his happiness. He wants kids so bad, Leon. He used to bring it up all the time, and it’d freak me out knowing there’d be a day he could resent me for not being able to. I mean, he loves me—lovedme—so maybe it wouldn’t have been that bad. But…I didn’t want to take that chance.” Saying it out loud sounds stupid now, but fear can make people do a lot of silly things. “I already know what I’m going to be told one day. It’s a gut feeling at this point, and my gut is never wrong. I figured it was better to let him go now before we couldn’t turn back in the future.”

My neighbor stares at me for a long time before shaking his head. “I take back what I said. You’re an idiot. Because that might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

There’s a brief moment when I’m silent as I stare at him.

Leon breaks it with “But I suppose it’s also one of the sweetest things I’ve heard. You love him so much you’d give up your happiness for his. That’s something I can see Annemarie doing.”

But she didn’t.“She stayed though.”

He gives me a lopsided smile. “Poor woman was stuck with me by then. Divorce was frowned on by the time we had our problems with children. Maybe if we’d known sooner, she would have let me go too. Someone who loves you that much is willing to do anything, I suppose. No matter how drastic.”

I can’t look him in the eyes.

“Do me a favor though,” he says, pulling my hesitant gaze back to him. “Don’t settle for less than you deserve. Annemarie was my forever, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Can’t picture myself with anybody else. You need to ask yourself the same thing about your boy.”

My boy.

I swallow. “He’s not mine anymore.”

All Leon does is hum, as if he doesn’t buy it as much as I do. Then he switches gears. “Why haven’t you brought that crazy-ass dog of yours over in a while? Been thinking about getting a pet myself lately. Annemarie wanted a cat, but I’ve always been a dog man.”

And just like that, we move on.

Like I should do with Caleb.

Should.

*

Dad waves atme from the table in the back corner when I walk into Birdseye Diner. A few people turn my way with big smiles as I walk over to the man who’s standing with one of his arms out to hug me. “Hi, pumpkin.”

He pulls my chair out for me and waits until I’m sitting before going back to his seat. That’s when I notice the milkshakes already on the table, next to the glasses of water.

“I already ordered our usual,” he admits, looking a little sheepish. “I hope that’s all right. Figured even though we’re celebrating the end of term, we’d still be getting the same thing.”

My eyes go to the cherry still perched on the top of my milkshake. “You didn’t take the cherry,” I note stupidly, wiggling out of my jacket and letting it drape across the back of the chair.

Dad grins, tugging his milkshake closer to him. “Of course not. You like cherries.”

I blink at the statement. “I do.” My brows pinch when that soaks in. “You knew that this whole time?”

His chin dips as he takes a sip of his drink. “I’m not always the best at picking up on things, but there are very few things that Idon’tnotice about you, Raine.”

A ball of emotion swells inside my chest, tightening around my heart. “That’s…” I’m not sure what to say. “Sweet. Thanks.”

Dad laughs. “If something as small as realizing what food you like makes you emotional, I’ve clearly failed as a father.”

“Don’t say that,” I tell him, moving hair behind my ear.

A small smile curves upward on my father’s face. “Look, I know my faults. I obviously wish I could have changed how certain things happened over time, but I can’t. I can only try to make up for it. Which means being present when I can now. Supporting you however I can.”

I’m not used to this side of Dad. “You don’t need to make up for anything.”

“I do,” he says. “Your mother and I didn’t agree on a lot, but we both have always wanted you to be happy.”

I grab the cherry from my milkshake and stare at the bright red color. “I know that.”

He slowly nods, almost as if he’s trying to figure out what to say next. It isn’t like he’s ever been a sappy person. Talking about feelings isn’t his forte. So this is…weird. Nice, but weird.

---