Page 47 of Lose You to Find Me

That has me smiling for real this time, grateful neither of these girls are giving me a hard time for the decision I made about Caleb.

They probably accepted I’ve made up my mind.

Now I just need my own mind—and heart—to accept it.

*

Elena is sittingon the counter during a slow time at the bakery and swinging her legs back and forth while hounding me with questions. “Why not? I could be a great test study.”

I pull apart some of the croissant I took from the display and pop it into my mouth, praying I’m able to keep it down. After my night out at Hulbert with the girls, I went home and researched everything I’d need to get for a dog while nibbling on some of Mom’s leftover Thai food. Since neither of us cooks, our fridge is full of takeout boxes. Now I’m guessing they had some old food we should have thrown out a while ago.

Regret has definitely settled into my stomach because I’ve been fighting the urge to vomit since I heated up the mango chicken. I couldn’t afford to miss work, especially since I’m picking up my four-legged friend in a few hours. When Emma texted me before I left the open mic, it felt like fate was finally on my side.

I don’t have Caleb anymore.

But I’ll havesomeone.

A dog of my own like I always wanted.

Something else to focus on.

Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I pop another tiny portion of the croissant into my mouth and answer the teenager. “You’re seventeen, Lena. What do you know about relationships?”

She scoffs, putting her hands on her hips in offense. “I watch reality TV, Raine. It’s basically all the research I need. I could make something up for your project that would blow your teacher’s mind. What better case study is there than something based on those awful reality dating shows that are nothing but drama?”

Even though that’d be entertaining, I shake my head. “I appreciate the offer, but I don’t think your extensive knowledge onThe BachelorandLove Islandis going to help me with this assignment. Plus, I already asked someone, and I think I may still get my mom to change her mind about doing it.”

She blows out a raspberry and glances at the window where a few college kids are walking by in groups. “Did you ask Caleb?”

Her question gives me pause. “You think I asked myex-boyfriendfor help on my project aboutromanticrelationships?”

She’s quiet for a second before shrugging as if there’s nothing wrong with that. “I don’t see why you couldn’t. He’d probably agree if you asked him. He still loves you.”

I’m staring down at my snack absentmindedly, so she doesn’t see the doubt on my face. After my last exchange with Caleb, I’m not so sure she’s right. And I don’t know if I want her to be. He deserves to have somebody be sure about him, and it’d be unfair for me to go back on everything I’ve put him through only to change my mind. While I don’t regret making love with him, I know it was a mistake because it puts us back to square one where we’re both as confused as when I told him I couldn’t marry him.

“It’s not going to happen” is all I say as I push off the counter and start working on the project Bea gave me earlier. She and Elena made cute little item tags to put in the display case so people could see what everything is instead of trying to look on the chalkboard above the coffee machines to figure it out.

“Why not?” the stubborn girl behind me pries, not seeming to care that I don’t want to talk about it. “If it’s not Caleb you asked, who is it? Is it another man?”

“Lena—”

“Look!” She smacks my shoulder a little too hard, causing me to cut into my flesh with the sharp pair of scissors instead of the paper I was supposed to slice. “He’s coming in right now!”

Hissing at the pain as blood instantly starts dripping down my hand, I back away from the counter and watch as the teenager’s face pales beside me once she sees the red droplets.

“Oh my God!” She jumps down and races over to where one of the dishcloths is before running over and pressing it against my bleeding hand. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do that. I just got excited.”

The cloth pressing against the cut looks stained and smells like coffee. “Did you give me a fresh cloth or a dirty one?”

She gapes at the stained cloth. “I–I don’t know. I panicked.”

I put as much pressure as I can stand on the wound that hurts like hell before staring down at the mess on the countertop and floor.

“What happened?” a rushed voice behind us asks. I know who it is without turning around. I’ve heard the tone a time or two in the past when my clumsy self would accidentally trip or fall. Like when I was seventeen and slipped on a patch of ice at Lindon High School on the way to my car and bruised my buttandmy pride in front of a group of classmates. That was the third time I’d fallen that winter, and Caleb’s dad teased me about having the kind of talent to trip over painted lines.

Elena says, “She cut herself. Oh God, there’s so much blood.” She backs away, making a face that tells me she doesn’t do well with it. “I’m sorry, Raine. I saw Caleb walking in and wanted to let you know.”

I don’t have time to worry about what the man in question must think of that because red is quickly seeping through the dirtied white material that’s getting God knows what into the wound.

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