Page 22 of Lose You to Find Me

“What’s wrong, Caleb?” Mom asks, walking over and brushing my arm. “Did you two talk? Did you fight? Did you discuss—”

“It’s not important,” I tell her, walking past Dad’s favorite recliner that hasn’t been used since he was hospitalized. Sitting on the end of the couch, I blow out a heavy breath. “I know you’ve always been team Raine, but too much has happened, Mom. Yes, she stopped by. Yes, we spoke. She…said some shit that I’m still processing. But that’s it. Please don’t go making up anything in your head about us getting back together. That’s the last thing I can focus on right now.”

Her frown deepens as she stoops, petting between Frank’s big, floppy ears. Mom knows even less than I do about why my relationship ended. How could she? It was hard to explain the reason Raine told me no when I don’t truly understand myself. “I willalwaysbe team Caleb. Do I like Raine? Yes. I loved her like a daughter and am still fond of her because she’s a good person. I will never understand how things went down the way they did between you two because you’re one of a kind, baby boy. Any girl would be lucky to have such a sweet, kindhearted man in her life. But I also know that Raine’s choice must not have been an easy one for her to make because it was always clear that you two loved each other very much.”

This conversation isn’t making me feel any better, which was why I came here—to be around one of the people who has always been in my corner. My parents have been my ride-or-die my whole life, and even just sitting around doing nothing with them brings me the kind of peace I need. Now more than ever.

Mom doesn’t stop there. She walks over and sits down beside me, taking my hand. “She’s always been a logical girl, but sometimes reason gets in the way of what the heart wants. Not that you asked, but just because things didn’t go well doesn’t mean they still can’t. But if that’s not what you want, I’ll support you. I’ll be on your side no matter what, as long as you’re happy in the end. Okay?”

Raine has always analyzed everything in life, including us. I never really thought twice about it because she’s studying to become a psychologist. It makes sense that she wants to dissect how people act and think.

But maybe logic is actually the downfall in relationships. If you can’t dive off the deep end because you trust someone fully, then what the hell is the point? This whole time, I thought Raine and I trusted each other enough to make it official, to make it to the end, yet here we are.

Apparently, I was fucking wrong.

Staring at the floor, I murmur, “Okay.”

Mom pats my hand before reaching for the TV remote. “By the way, your father told me to pass along that the security cameras in the store need some updating. It seems they only work half of the time, and he told me you’ll need to check them out because of some strange footage on them.”

My body locks up at what must have been recorded there recently.

Jesus Christ.

My voice is raspy when I force out a strangled “Got it.”

Chapter Nine

RAINE

The bakery feelsdifferent from the other side of the counter. More intimidating. “It’s not that hard,” Elena, Bea’s granddaughter, tells me. She shows me how to make the next latte with a slick grin on her face. “You’ll mess up a bunch at first, but I’m sure people won’t care too much since most of the town likes you.”

Great.A seventeen year-old is reassuring me that I’ll get pity votes if nothing else at my new job. “I never thought about what all went into each drink,” I admit sheepishly, already tired from my first full week of classes.

The past five days have been filled with paranoia walking around the familiar campus, all because I’m doing it on my own for the first time without Caleb or the people I hung out with by my side. The girls I lived with at the sorority house have all gone their separate ways, not that I was particularly close with any of them. One thing I’ve been dreading all summer is what it would be like coming back knowing most of the people in my social circle were people Caleb was friends with: guys from the team and their girlfriends or people he made friends with from his classes. I didn’t intend to rely so heavily on his extroverted nature to meet people, but I did.

Now, I have no idea who’s in my corner. I don’t even know if he is, despite our spontaneous hookup.

Sighing, I refocus on the cheat sheet by the counter to help guide me on how to make each drink that the bakery offers, which I have a feeling I’ll need to study if I’m going to get this right. I’m usually not irritated so easily at myself for getting something wrong, but my emotions have been everywhere lately thanks to the stress of school, living back at home, and trying to figure out a new routine for myself. A routinewithoutthe boy I haven’t been able to stop thinking about since I walked out of the hardware store with my dignity dragging on the sidewalk behind me.

I’m not sure if regret is what I’ve been feeling about our slipup, because I’ve never regretted a single moment with Caleb before. But there’s an emptiness nestled into my chest where my heart should be. That black hole is the only thing I can focus on, and if nothing else, I hope that what we did took away from whatever darkness has been surrounding him.

Elena snickers. “Maybe we’ll just have you get the food orders ready. All they take is either heating them up or shoving them into a bag. Easy. When Ivy first started working here, she almost killed somebody who had a tree nut allergy by accidently adding a hazelnut creamer to their coffee. So as long as you avoid that, you’ll be fine.”

Ivy Underwood is dating the new Giants tight end, Aiden Griffith. They both went to Lindon before he dropped out to start his professional career with the NFL and she followed. I sort of miss the snarky girl whose spot I’m basically filling. It was funny to watch her banter with people and keep a no-fucks-given attitude with anybody who tried giving her flak. She was one of the few people who could make the broody football player smile, even when she pretended she was annoyed with him.

Bea walks out from the back holding a tray of freshly made peanut butter cookies with peanut butter cups baked into them. It makes my mouth water as I watch her set the tray down on the counter and open the display case. “Stop trying to psych out our trainee,” she scolds the younger girl beside me. Then Bea glances at me from over her shoulder. “Help me put these away. And don’t listen to Elena. Ivy wasn’tthatbad. She caught on fast, just like I know you’ll do. Not that she ever admitted it, but she took a picture of our cheat sheet and took it home with her to study. Within two days, she’d memorized everything there was to make around here without needing to be told twice.”

I smile at that. “Do you hear from her or Aiden at all?”

Bea nods as we empty the tray and make sure the baked goods are lined up in the glass case. “They visit whenever they’re in town, and Ivy sends me postcards with pictures every so often. The last one I got is hanging right over there.” Her finger points toward the corkboard where pictures, letters, and other papers are hanging by tacks. “Damn cute couple, those two. Ain’t never seen Aiden smile so wide until he was around her.”

So I’m not the only one who noticed. I’m smacked with nostalgia thinking about what it was like being around those two back when everything seemed so much less complicated.

“Let him in, Elena,” I hear Bea say as I stare absently at the cookies, brownies, and muffins ready for the day. “He always gets his coffee early before heading to the store.”

My stomach dips as I look up, finding Caleb walking through the front door. We haven’t seen each other or talked since that day at the store. As if he knows I’m staring, his eyes move from Elena to me, stalling at the entrance of the café.Is he going to walk out?

The intrusive thought buries its claws in my mind as I see him hesitate before finally snapping out of whatever thought he was having and walking toward the counter. My chest tightens the closer he gets, and suddenly I remember every single sensation he brought alive on that store counter we used to do homework on once upon a time.

---