Page 14 of Lose You to Find Me

“What?” I press knowingly. “Just say it.”

A sheepish smile curves his lips. “I guess I’m wondering how things are going with Emma. It’s obvious that you’re not over Raine. How could you be after all these years together? I want you to be happy, bro, but I don’t know if this is the best idea. There’s nothing wrong with taking a little break from the dating scene.”

Maybe I shouldn’t have asked. “Emma is a good person.”

“I don’t doubt it. Anybody you give your attention to must be,” he answers easily. “But even if somebody is a good person doesn’t mean they’re good foryou. It hasn’t been that long. Jumping into something might not be the best idea.”

I nod. “You’re right, but I like her. It isn’t like I’m going to get serious with anybody right away. She makes things easier. That’s all that matters for now.”

I can tell DJ doesn’t agree with me, but he doesn’t say so.

“Thank you,” I tell him, despite our opposite stances on this. “For being my friend.”

His smile eases. “You don’t have to thank me for that. You’ve got a lot of people on your side, Caleb. We’ve got your back.”

That’s the thing about breakups. There are always sides people choose, but I don’t want that for either of us. I’d like to think there’s a reality where we can coexist with the same people, especially since she’ll be back soon for graduate school.

Easier said than done though.

*

Emma hasn’t stoppedsquirming since we were seated thirty minutes ago by the beady-eyed host, nor did she eat her food when it was delivered. My fingers have grazed my burger to assemble it, but her distance has my appetite waning.

“What’s wrong?” I finally ask, knee bouncing under the table. My mind goes to Dad.

We’ve agreed not to talk about him and his diagnosis when we’re out, but if she knows something about him, I want to know now and figure out how to tell Mom later.

Her eyes are timid as they peek up to meet mine through the thick lashes she’s coated with makeup. She always wears some at the hospital, but nothing like tonight. I would have had to be blind to see what kind of a heartbreaker she is in the red shade of lipstick that makes her lips look fuller and the dark liner that emphasizes her moonlike eyes.

Etherealis how Dad once described her.

She carefully sets down the fry that she’s been playing with for the past few minutes and leans back in her chair. “I think maybe we should call it.”

My brows pinch as I examine her plate to see if there’s something wrong with the food. “Is the burger not cooked right? I can ask them to bring you a new—”

“I don’t mean dinner, Caleb,” Emma tells me, lips quivering. “I mean us. Or whatever it is we’re trying to be. What I’m trying to say is that I think you and I should call it quits.”

I sit back in my chair and feel my shoulders tense at the suggestion she’s brought up before. I haven’t exactly been model boyfriend material, but I haven’t left her on read or bailed on plans since the last time. I’ve been open with her. Honest about mostly everything. I told her about Raine and me breaking up after graduation. I told her about Raine’s uncertainty. I wanted her to know that it wasn’t me, because I spent weeks on end wondering if it had been. But I saw the skepticism in her eyes that day.

Maybe it matched mine.

In hindsight, how could anyone get over someone they claimed was the love of their life so quickly? I’d like Raine to answer that question for me so I stop staying up at night trying to figure it out.

After a few seconds of staring at the burger in front of me, I lift my eyes to hers and say, “I’m sorry if I did something.”

It doesn’t feel like enough, but there’s nothing else I could say to make her feel any better for not trying harder. I’d like to think if things with Dad weren’t the way they are, maybe I would put more effort in.

Then again, I never would have met Emma if he hadn’t gotten sick. I think I’d take that trade.

“I’m an ass,” I admit, scratching the column of my neck. “I know there’s probably a guy out there who can give you a lot more attention than I can right now.”

She quickly shakes her head. “You’re not an ass. Honestly, Caleb, you’ve got so much going on that the last thing you need is to add time with me into your schedule. You should focus on your father and your classes. And…other things. I have work that keeps me busy anyway. It’s fine.”

I don’t believe that. “Is it?”

She closes her mouth and evades my eyes, staring down at her plate. “It sort of has to be, doesn’t it? We’re on two different paths right now. We need to focus on ourselves, I think.”

Why does that pack a punch? “I see where you’re coming from, but I don’t want this to end. I enjoy spending time with you. You’re a great person, Em. And—”

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