Page 6 of Lose You to Find Me

In spite of my family watching and expecting me to say yes, I couldn’t force it out. I love Caleb. But are we capable of loving each other forever if we can’t give each other everything we want out of life?

Swallowing, I pull my legs up to my chest and grab my notebook from the tiny table that my grandfather carved from a log. The end of the blue pen is chewed up from all the mindless gnawing I do when I should be reading a new case study to keep up on the psychology assignments bound to drown me when grad school starts in the fall. The only benefit to being surrounded by failed relationships my whole life is figuring out how badly I’d love to fix them for others. That’s why I want to become a counselor.

Clicking the pen to release its tip, I open to the page I left off on, already marked up with little comments in the margins of the pages.

More lighting flashes across the sky.

More thunder shakes the ground.

Nibbling my bottom lip, I rest my head against the back of the chair and stare up at the sky, trying to sort out my thoughts.

I hear car tires make their way up the gravel driveway and know it’s my aunt’s friend bringing her back. I take a deep breath of the muggy air before setting my feet back down and watching as Tiffany carefully exits the passenger seat of the car parked several feet away.

I force a smile when I hear my aunt’s friend call out, “She’s a pretty one, Tiff.” I think her name is Jodi. She always covers for my aunt whenever they’re out because heaven forbid anybody knows she’s dating someone.

Tiffany closes the door and looks at the woman behind the wheel. “She’s a smart one too. Learned a lesson we certainly didn’t at her age. Look at her, being able to travel and have alone time whenever she wants. I’m a little jealous I didn’t leave sooner to have that experience for myself.”

Smart would have been following my heart no matter how many times I was warned by the woman walking up the steps that the heart would get me nowhere in life.

“Think with your brain, Raine.”

The human brain is our most complex organ, and unlike our hearts, it gives up far too easily.

When Tiffany sees the skeptical look I’m giving her, she wiggles her finger at me. “I don’t want any comments from you. I seem to recall a time not that long ago when you were sneaking back in after that surfer wannabe was dropping you off from the party you went to.”

Heart hammering at the reminder, I lower my pen and stand with a frown. “Don’t bring him up. It was a long time ago.”

My aunt rolls her eyes. “Nobody is a saint, Raine. Not even you.”

As if she has to remind me.

*

The second mytoes dip into the cool pool water a few days later, I’m instantly brought back to my sixteenth birthday. Since my birthday is in July, I always spent it poolside with my family barbecuing. They’d invite the neighbors because most of them had kids around my age, and we’d make it a neighborhood party.

That summer, I met Cody. Considering the blond-haired, blue-eyed seventeen-year-old changed my entire perspective on life after one hookup, I never even knew his last name. His family was only visiting friends for a few days. The invite he’d gotten to the party was a fluke. Looking back now, I should have never entertained him when I had Caleb, even if we hadn’t had the exclusivity talk yet.

But I knew the second he flashed his charming smile that made me blush I was done for. Had I known that I’d agree to sneak off later that night after the bonfire? No. But I definitely wasn’t drunk enough to blame alcohol for my decision to sleep with him.

Dunking my head underwater, I come up for air and comb my wet hair out of my face with my fingers.

“I’m heading out,” Tiffany calls to me from the back door. “Your mom left a message on the landline. She said you weren’t picking up your phone.”

Frowning, I wade over to the edge of the pool and lean against it. “I thought you said you were going to hang out here with me. Are we still ordering pizza later? I finally found the takeout menu buried in the kitchen drawer.”

If Aunt Tiffany remembers it’s my twenty-third birthday, she doesn’t say so. I didn’t hear her say it when I walked into the kitchen earlier, and she’s made no mention of it in the hours since.

She looks at her watch. “I made plans already, but I’ll let you know if I’m back in time. Buddy has already been out and is sleeping in the guest room, so he’ll be fine until tonight. Enjoy the sunshine!”

Watching her leave, I push up from the tile and grab my towel from the lounger. When I find my cell, I see some missed texts from Mom and a couple of missed calls from former sorority sisters. After returning a few people’s birthday wishes, I see Mom’s number pop up on the screen again.

Swiping to accept, I put my cell to my ear and say, “You said you’d call last night.”

Mom sighs. “I’m sorry, sweetie. Your father called to finalize some things for our appointment. I swear, that man can’t even be decisive about our divorce. One second he wants it, the next he doesn’t.”

The last thing I want to hear about is my parents’ divorce for the millionth time, so I work on wrapping my towel around my body and sit on the edge of the lounge chair. “Did Tiffany call you? She said she was going to check in with you about coming down here before I head back to New York, but she was tired after dinner, so I don’t know if she brought it up. She didn’t even want to watchReal Housewives.”

Mom makes an amused noise. “I think your aunt is finally realizing that she can’t keep at it like she used to. She texted me at two in the morning the other night.Two!She’s going to be forty soon. It’s ridiculous how she acts like a preteen sometimes. We spoke earlier today about me coming down at some point, but I don’t know, Raine. I may not be able to swing it this year. Things with the divorce have been dragging on longer than I expected, and I don’t want to keep delaying it being finalized. But enough about that. I won’t bore you with the details.”

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