Page 49 of Lose You to Find Me

But it was.

I knew the day I was told I had advanced endometriosis it was the end ofmyworld. The one I’d get to share with Caleb for the rest of our lives. And that ugly green monster still lives inside me whenever I think about what could have been if things were different.

I’d be happier.

Healthier.

With the love of my life.

Instead, my body decided to revolt against me and ruin the one chance I got.

I debate on putting my hand through the mirror so I don’t have to look at the reflection of the broken girl anymore but decide I’ve already done enough damage to myself for one day. So, nostrils flaring, I wash my hands as best I can after filling and putting the cup where I was told to and head back to where Caleb is waiting for me.

“You okay?” he asks after I settle back onto the stiff hospital bed.

I lift a shoulder, not sure how I am. I’m tired. Upset. Pissed off. An array of things that I can’t tell him. It’s better to be silent than lie. How could I possibly explain to him that I’m upset because I had to pee in a cup despite knowing there’s a high probability that I’ll never get pregnant?

Dark, heavy emotion hurts me at every corner.

It burns my eyes.

Prickles the back of my neck.

Tightens my throat.

I have to keep my gaze pointed at the floor so he won’t see all that taking over, because I want nothing more than to scream.

After a few minutes of silence, save for the loud patients and machines in other sectioned-off areas of the cold emergency room, Caleb asks, “Why was Elena trying to get your attention about me anyway?”

Internally, I flinch as I toy with the zipper tab of his jacket that I’m still wearing. “It was stupid.”

“Tell me.”

After taking a deep breath, I turn to give him an uncertain look. “Caleb…”

“We’re going to be here for a while.”

Sighing, I lean back and attempt to make myself comfortable. “It’s for a school project I have to do with a couple of people. I was telling her I found someone outside of class to help me already, and she was grilling me for details. But before I could tell her about him, she started hounding me about why I didn’t ask you.”

His lips purse. “Him, huh? Whodidyou ask?”

Before I can tell him, Salvatore walks through the parted curtains. “Ms. Copelin,” he says, his eyes going to Caleb for a moment before darting back to me. “I’d like to talk to you for a moment. Would you like him to stay or…?”

Alarm coats my insides, causing me to slowly turn toward Caleb for a moment. “I don’t understand,” I say slowly, eyes trailing back to the nurse. “Um, I guess he can?”

“What is it?” Caleb asks, concern weighing down his words. He’s on high alert, maybe more so than I am. And I wonder if it’s because of the news he’d gotten about his father that turned his life around or if it’s something else. We haven’t used protection, and only I know we’re safe from the repercussions. He’s a smart guy who could easily assume that’s what Salvatore will tell me.

Despite whatever the nurse needs to share, I could use someone in my corner right now. Caleb has always been my person for comfort when my nerves get the better of me just like I’ve been for him. So, a little more confidently, I say, “He can stay.”

Salvatore presses his lips together. “There’s some blood notable in your urine sample, so we wanted to know if you’re on your period, finishing your cycle, or have a potential injury that could be leading to the trace in it.”

My nose twitches as I rub my legs. “No, I’m not on my period right now. I don’t start it for another couple of weeks.”

He nods. “Well, I’m sure it’s nothing concerning. If you’re open, the doctor can go over your file and maybe do some bloodwork after we get your hand taken care of just to be sure.”

A small, shuddered breath escapes my lips as I take in those words, because I know what they’ll find when they start digging. If they do more image testing, they’ll probably find more cysts and scarring. More reasons for the backaches and cramping. I don’t need them to confirm anything, but I can’t tell them that either.

Voice quiet, I say, “Okay.”

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