Page 107 of Lose You to Find Me

Raine glances down at the top of the railing. “I never really thought about it like that, I guess. Mom and I both got used to letting the men in our lives handle that stuff.”

“Because wewantedto,” I tell her. “My dad loved cleaning, doing the laundry, cooking dinner, anything he could for my mom. Because they loved each other, and he knew it made her happy to have someone dote on her once in a while. It’s no different from when Mom made Dad a homecooked meal on the days he had long shifts at the store and came home exhausted.”

For a while, she doesn’t say anything. “I always loved their love.”

I look over at her.

“You were right before. A lot could have been solved if we’d only talked about it. I shut too many things down because it’s what I’m used to seeing other people do. Mom. Dad. My aunt. Their version of communicating was always fighting until somebody gave up trying.”

There are obvious similarities between her and her mother that I won’t point out because there’s no reason to. She knows where she went wrong, and I’m determined to make sure we don’t go back to that place.

“We’re not your parents,” I remind her.

She nods. “I know.” Holding up her hand, she says, “I have something for you. Wait here.”

Raine disappears into the apartment. Not even a minute later, she reappears in the doorway holding a container of something in her hands. “It’s not going to be as good as the cake your mom makes, but I tried my best. My mom helped me with it. Don’t worry. She didn’t spit in it or anything. She’s obviously over her tiff with us. I guess asking her for help winning me over got her to realize we’re the endgame.”

That makes me smile. Knowing her mother approves is the kind of reassurance I need because I know how much her family’s approval means to her.

“There’s also soup in the fridge that I brought over. Leon helped me make it. It was his wife’s recipe.”

All I can do is stare at the dessert container that she passes me. She spent the time to make this for me. With her mother. Who may or may not have spit in it for hurting her daughter’s feelings when she told me not to. I’d take the chance.

Raine steps closer. “It’s officially after midnight. Happy birthday, Caleb. I wish your dad could be here to celebrate with us.”

Taking a deep breath, I gently set the container down beside us and pull her in for a frontal hug, resting my chin against the top of her head. “The nurses said he was the strongest patient they’d ever had. Nobody with the same form of cancer as him survives this long. Not even when they get treatment to slow the progression of it.”

Her arms go back around my waist. “I’m not surprised. Your father was always one of the strongest people I met.”

“One of?” I question, staring at the birthday cake she made me.

I hear her take a soft breath before nuzzling closer to me. I try keeping her as warm as possible when the chilly breeze starts blowing a little harder. Her voice is muffled when she replies, “I always considered you to be the strongest, so it makes sense. He raised you to be.”

Closing my eyes, I move my fingers to the back of her head and lightly brush them through her hair. I feel her cheek press against my chest as we stand like this for a while longer.

Moving her hat farther down so it’s covering the tops of her reddening ears, I press a light kiss against her head and say, “Friend had a nice ring to it, but I’ve always preferred calling you mine. Just about ended me when you weren’t.”

She’s quiet for a long time, and I wonder what’s on her mind. Eventually, I feel something press against the spot just above my heart.

Her lips.

“I missed the sound of that too,” she admits.

That’s when Dad’s words echo in my head for a second time tonight.“It doesn’t matter what happened in the past because this is your new chapter of life, son.”

While I never wanted to live a chapter of my life without my dad, it makes me want to be the best one I possibly can be to my own kid someday, no matter how we have it, so I can give them even a fraction of the things I got when I was growing up.

As if she knows what I’m thinking, Raine places one of her hands over mine. “It’s going to be okay eventually. Maybe not right now, but someday.”

Someday.

I’d like to think that someday, everything will make sense. “Someday” sounds like a promise from her that I have every intention of holding her to if it means I still get to have her in my life. For now, I’ll take the little moments because those will build into much bigger ones.

I find myself smiling in the dark.

Someday.

“I like the sound of that,” I tell her, tipping her chin up so she’s looking at me.

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