Page 100 of Lose You to Find Me

Silence.

Mom appears at the doorway. She doesn’t say a word when she walks in or when she gets onto the bed and carefully pulls me into her side.

It isn’t until I rest my head on her shoulder and let my damp cheek soak into her shirt that she brushes her long fingers in my hair and tells me, her voice uncharacteristically soft, “I know I haven’t made things easy for you, but you could have told me. If I’d known what happened all those years ago, I could have helped you. I know it wouldn’t have changed what you went through, but it would have changed how you coped with it. I…” She takes a deep breath, pausing her comforting strokes. “I failed you in so many ways, didn’t I?”

Squeezing my eyes closed, I whisper, “I failed myself.”

Mom is quiet for a long stretch of time before her fingers start moving again. “You’ve done far better at life than I have, Raine. Despite all the challenges you’ve faced, especially on your own. I’d hardly say that’s failing.”

Chapter Thirty-Five

CALEB

Mom startles whenI slam the front door closed and storm in. She and Dad are both awake and gawking at me in the living room as I enter, shake my head, and walk into the kitchen.

No words can describe what I’m feeling right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever find the right way to express everything swirling in my head.

“Honey?” Mom says cautiously, a hand falling onto my back. I’m leaning over the counter, gripping the edges until my fingers hurt. “Caleb, what happened?”

Frustration still seeps into every crevice it can as I look over my shoulder at her. “Raine.”

It’s the only thing I can get out.

One word.

One name.

Confusion swirls on Mom’s face. “I’m going to need more than that. What happened between you and Raine?”

“She—” My hoarse voice is cut off with frustration, forcing me to clear my throat and stand taller until Mom’s hand falls from my back. I take a deep breath. “She lied over and over again. And for fucking what? It could have been different. It would have been fine.”

Mom is shaking her head and trying to piece together what I’m telling her when Dad calls out my name.

I look to Mom, wipe my face with my hands, and watch her nod and guide me into the living room again.

He says those three damn words that have me dropping onto the couch with my palms on my wet face. “Talk to me.”

If anybody has a right to be mad at the world, it’s the man waiting to help me. If there’s anyone who needs to be comforted right now, it’s the person who reaches over and grabs ahold of my hand. But like always, he’s giving everything he has left to me.

So I let it all out.

Every raw admission.

Every hard reality.

Every horrible emotion.

Because I’m done holding it back.

Physically, mentally, and emotionally done.

“Shegave upon us,” I whisper, staring helplessly at my father. “If she had just told me the truth, we could have figured it out. But she chose not to even try.”

I swipe furiously at my cheeks, letting Dad’s hand fall to the couch arm. All while he watches me with knowing eyes. Studying. Waiting for me to take a few deep breaths and calm down.

“Let me ask you something,” he prompts, wincing as he repositions in the chair. “If you got married to Raine, committed to one another for a lifetime no matter the circumstances, without the knowledge you have now, would you care if you later learned you couldn’t have kids? Would that information upset you if you struggled with it?”

I blink slowly. “How could you ask that?” How couldRaineassume I’d be a dickhead about something she had no control over?

---