Page 25 of With This Ring

“Fuck you, Carter,” he says through clenched teeth, then storms off.

I watch him leave, my stomach sinking to my feet.

Before I can go after him, Nico jogs behind him, shooting me a look over his shoulder. I flip him the bird, which makes him scoff. At lease he’ll have someone with him while I try to figure out how to fix what I just fucked up.

I was supposed to figure out a way to get me and Kai to stop hating each other. Looks like I accomplished the opposite.

CHAPTER 10

KAI

Yeah? Then you’ll know no matter how much you kiss his ass and try to be the perfect son, he’ll never fucking love you. Why do you insist on trying to get his approval when you’llneverget it?

The words Carter threw at me run a loop through my head as I pull on the rowing machine. I’m not stupid. I know Pop hates me, wishing he had a son that was straight and could give him heirs or whatever archaic views he has. But to have someone else see it? That fucking stings. Especially when that someone is Carter.

Seeing how worried Dominic was when he heard Carter was almost killed, then how freely he showed his love for him when he saw him with his own two eyes? That shit hurt. It shouldn’t have—Pop has outwardly hated me since I was twelve. I’ve had over a decade to get used to it. But seeing that a man as ruthless as Dominic had the capacity to love his son made mewant. I want what they have. And it hurts ever more when I know I won’t ever have it.

I yank on the machine hard enough to almost hit myself in the face with the bar, but I don’t care. I want to row until myfucking arms fall off. I need to get away from my thoughts, from my failures, from my shortcomings as a son.

Nico comes over, kneeling beside me with a look of understanding on his face. I only get like this when some bullshit goes on with Pop. It’s doubly bad now because Carter is added to the mix. I didn’t think my enemy would have the power to actually hurt me.

“How long you gonna keep this up?”

I pant, pulling against the rowing machine with all my might. I want to tell him to fuck off, but that would require me breaking concentration to answer him.

“Wanna tell me what happened? If it’s shit to do with your dad, you shouldn’t beat yourself up. You know how he is. He’ll die before he changes.”

Of course, Nico understands. He’s bi, and his dad had shit to say about it too. But Nico and his dad worked through their shit before he died. As one of the inner circle members for my dad, I figured Nico’s father would rub off on Pop. That was a fucking pipe dream.

God, wanting my dad to say for once that he’s proud of me is fucking pitiful. I’m a grown ass man, secure in my sexuality. I shouldn’t want Pop to look past it to love me when I love myself.

Shaking my head to get sweat from my eyes, I pant, “Carter…too.”

“The fuck did that asshole do?” he practically growls.

I stop rowing, chuckling at Nico’s reaction. I really appreciate that he’s the one person that has my back. Or is he? Carter was aiming a gun at my dad’s head because he was taking up for me. Does he have my back too or was he trying to save face because we’re married?

I glower at the ring on my finger, but don’t take it off. For some reason, I like looking at it. I’m a fucking fool.

“He did nothing. Just told me the truth as he saw it.”

“He’s still an asshole.” Nico hands me a towel. I drag it over my face, collecting the sweat as it drips down my forehead. “You want to talk about it?”

“That’s the last thing I want to do,” I say, standing from the machine and stretching my arms out. “I want to take a shower and lie down. This day has already been too much.”

Not only am I thinking about the shit that went on at Indigo Arc, but a weird feeling settled in my chest when Dominic told me and Pop that Carter was almost killed. I shouldn’t care. If he died, I’d be free of this marriage, and we’d still have the support of the Whitlock family since I would be widowed. But for some reason, the thought of Carter no longer in the world made mefeel. I didn’t release a full breath until he walked through the door of the conference room.

After wiping off my sweat from the machine, Nico and I head upstairs. It’s close to ten at night, which means I’ve been in the gym for close to three hours. It’s been a while since I’ve worked out that long, needing to get out of my own head. Now my arms feel like lead and some of the uneasy feeling that was settled in my chest starts to dissipate.

But I’m still feeling antsy. Being cooped up in this house—in Carter’s house—makes me anxious.

I tell Nico I’m going to chill for the rest of the night, but I have no plans of being in this house longer than I have to.

After taking a quick shower, I get dressed in a fresh suit and slip out, leaving my cell phone behind so Nico can’t track me.

It’s probably not the smartest thing to do, slipping my bodyguard, especially with someone trying to take down my family. But if I had Nico tag along, he’d take me to places my family or people that are close to the St. Clair family frequent. I don’t want to go to those places. I don’t want to see anyone I know. For tonight, I want to be Kaison. Just Kaison, not Kai St. Clair, heir to the St. Clair family.

What would my life be like if I weren’t born into mafia royalty? Would Pop have accepted that I was gay? Would my mom have stuck around? Would I have grown up like a normal fucking person? There’s no way to answer any of those questions, so I forcefully push them out of my head.

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