Page 104 of A Wolf's Heart

It was the first time I went to sleep not crying at the fact that I would never feel Max’s weight against my legs in the bed again.

We said nothing else, both of us falling into the deepest sleep we’d had in days.

Eventually,I did find my footing. The hardest part was not breaking down every time I stood up and tapped my thigh, my way of calling Max to me. Or fighting the tears when I would start talking to myself and look around, realizing I truly was alone.

It helped having my mates around me. Once Weylin learned of my slumber parties with Kage, he started having sleepovers, telling me my sheets were softer, and he preferred the firmness of my mattress more. He was much more handsy than Kage, though; still, neither of them minded the other was there.

Rainor kept his distance, often watching me with the others with a slight smile on his face, the same kind of contentedness I felt in Weylin’s touch or saw in Kage’s gaze every morning. But at times, I felt his unease, like an ache in my chest. I wasn’t surehow I knew it was him. I just did. He was holding himself back, and something told me to wait for him to come to me. Just like Kage had, just like Weylin always did. When he was ready, he would let me know.

So, I wasn’t at all surprised to wake up to the scent of smoky woods one morning. Kage and Weylin had left hours ago, and I was too comfortable in bed. This was the first of my last days working at my little local precinct, having signed the contract to work for the Cridhe pack. I didn’t really want to return to my old hometown, though I often wondered if the distance was making me forget why I loved it so much.

I opened my eyes, gazing into Rainor’s red-rimmed ones. The softness told me the beast was dormant; they always got bold when he was fighting for the light.

Moving a little closer to him, I pressed the pillow’s edge down so I could see him. “You’ve been quiet lately.”

“Oh.” He moved a little closer to me, and that’s when I noticed he was wearing a plain black cotton shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

I smiled a little. “My, my, Rainor, since when do you dress so casually?”

“You seem comfortable wearing Weylin’s scent, his soft shirts, hoodies. I didn’t have any.”

My smile widened. “So, you bought these… for me to wear? So I could have your scent with me?”

There it was, that look in his eyes, the uneasy sorrow of sorts that caused my heart to ache. “I don’t have much to give you that they haven’t already provided.” His voice was the softest of tones.

I had never thought about it. There was one of me that had the attention of three of them. Perhaps I’d experienced moments of feeling rejection early on, but when one wasn’t available, the other mate was there. For them, there were three for only me,time divided, not to mention the beast. I had to satisfy the beast, just as I had to satisfy Rainor. So, while the others had two more males to share me with, Rainor had three more, one of which was a part of him he was constantly at war with.

“Well, first of all.” I sat up, tossing my leg over his hips and forcing him onto his back. I was completely naked, I almost always was in the mornings. Weylin preferred skin-to-skin, and I wasn’t complaining. Rainor smirked, his hands falling to my thighs, warmth spreading through his touch. “This shirt is mine.” I tugged at the black cotton and pulled it up over his head with a little help from him. I brought the fabric to my face and buried my nose into it, breathing in his scent. “No takesies-backsies.”

When I met his eyes again, his pupils were blown wide, the redness deepening. The beast was watching. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything,” he croaked.

“Can I see your eyes? What they look like without the beast?”

Rainor frowned, caught off guard by the request. “I’m blind,” he whispered.

“You’re you. I got to have all of the beast,” I said, remembering when the beast took over completely and had me pinned and bleeding on the forest floor. “Let me have all of you.”

He was silent for a moment before turning his hips, forcing me to lie next to him on my side once more. “If you have all of me, what do I get from you?”

What did I have that would even come close to comparing the vulnerability Rainor was giving me at this moment? I stared at the man before me, thinking about all he had done for me, all he had given me. But it wasn’t just about what he did for me; it was what I felt for him. The safety. The security. Dare I say, the love. “I give you me, all of me. Claim or unclaim me as you will, but my heart belongs to you.”

His eyes widened as I said that, and something passed behind them, an emotion that words couldn’t describe. But actions did.

In one slow blink, Rainor opened his lids to reveal a pair of faded brown eyes. The pupils were pinpoint, not dilating or contracting, and they were glassy.

“Is it all dark?” I asked in a hushed tone.

“No,” he whispered. “I can see your outline. Shadows of things. My other senses automatically become heightened, though. Your scent isn’t just a creamy lemon, but the sweet undertone is so complex that I swear, with each breath, I can taste the granules of sugar. Your voice, I could listen to you talk all day. It slips into my mind and holds my pain. It doesn’t mask it, it doesn’t make me forget. It just… accepts it, shows me there is still something beyond the pain, someone beyond it.”

I reached out, placing my hand in his. “What about touch?”

He reached out with his other hand, lightly touching my shoulder, my neck, finding my hair and brushing it back out of my face before he began tracing my facial features with a featherlight touch.

“I stare at you through the eyes of the beast, and I see powerful beauty. You are amazing to watch. The way you command a room, how your body moves like a natural-born alpha, and the no bullshit demeanor, you know your worth and you expect no less. But now, my angel, as I see you through my touch… the laugh lines that I've missed. The crinkles near your eyes. The smoothness of your cheeks and tenderness of your lips. But this…”

His fingers drifted to a soft spot just below my jaw. Rainor rolled up on his arm, pushing me onto my back and leaning over me to gently touch his nose to the place he had just indicated.

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