Page 78 of Saving the Halfback

I frowned. “How long has it been going on for?”

“What?” His eyes met mine, the glow from outside allowing just enough light for me to see the redness that darkened them.

“The abuse.”

He shook his head and looked out the window. “Does it matter?” Ethan didn’t move. I could barely even see himbreathing; he was a statue. “The alcohol was bad enough… Once he started on the drugs, it got worse. I don’t know why he acts the way he does, but if I fight back, it makes things worse. The social worker and doctors had me on medication, telling me I was the reason, and that completely messed me up. It’s why no one can know. I can’t go back to taking it.” He shook his head. My hand was close to his when he reached out and started playing with my fingers, as if he was trying to focus on something different.

“Are you still taking medication?” I asked.

“No… I play football now. I had no purpose until Coach recruited me to the team. Football has taken up so much of my time over the years that I can finally escape.”

“This whole time, you never told me.” I frowned. “I would’ve… I could’ve…”

Ethan looked up at me. “I would’ve taken it to my grave. I won’t stand by and pull you into that. Don’t you see, Bailey? I do it for you.”

“What?”

“The distance. Staying away from you. Refusing to allow you to even come by my house. I have to do it. I have to put this space between us. I can’t explain it, but I have to keep you from it all.” What Ethan was saying to me was heavy and unguarded. His eyes were raw, his voice hoarse, and the way he spoke, I knew this had been weighing on him for some time. It took a lot out of him to say it out loud.

He’d left me to protect me. Not because he was hurt, or because he had moved on. He did it to protect me from a threat that he could see. From a threat he knew, because Ethan had no worry for himself, no self-preservation. He never had. He’d taken that beating tonight until he saw me. He’d taken every hit until he thought I was in danger. Only then did he move. Only then did he fight back.

I could tell him I was fine. That I could have held my own, and he had no right trying to protect me when I could protect myself. But I knew it was useless. I’d brought Ethan into this group, years ago. I’d refused to allow him to be left behind. I’d refused to allow him to put our group on the other side of his wall with everyone else.

All this time, I’d been trying to break down his wall or be on the same side of it as him, and all this time, I already had been. He’d kept me there with him; I just hadn’t seen that the distance between us was his way of doing so.

I leaned forward, crawled between his legs, and lay within his arms. He opened up to me, wrapped me in his warmth, and held me to his chest. The sound of his heart beating increased with each passing moment. “Thank you,” I whispered to him.

I felt all the air leave his lungs in onewhoosh. His cheek rested on top of my head as he held me, and we just sat like that, silently watching the lightning storm spread across the surrounding fields. Time passed slowly, his breathing became more controlled, and I could feel my eyelids growing heavier. I was wrapped in a safe, warm cocoon that was Ethan, and my heart whispered a lullaby of belonging.

Ethan shifted, almost as soon as I drifted off, and woke me. His arms released me and slid around, under my legs and across my back, so he was cradling me. “Hey,” I whispered sleepily, “I was comfy.”

Ethan chuckled, then stood. “You’ll be more comfortable in bed.” At first, I thought he was about to place me in his bed, but instead, he walked through the hall with me cradled in his arms. “As much as I want you to stay with me, your parents were good to me, and I want to respect that.”

Ethan laid me out in my cold bed and pulled the blanket around me. Instantly, I snuggled deep into my pillow. I felt a feather-light touch across my forehead and opened my eyes tosee him leaned over, kissing my forehead gently. “Sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have.”

I smiled at him and reached out, taking his hand in mine. “Stay with me, please.” Just one night, I hoped to get through without hearing a dog barking or the slamming of the garden shed door. One night without having to rely on calling Lachlan or Nolan to chase my demons away. I didn’t have to say anything more. He nodded.

Ethan went back to the guest room, returning with a blanket and pillow. He laid his stuff out on the floor beside my bed. I would’ve offered for him to lie on the bed with me, but I knew he would decline. Instead, I rolled over and hung my hand over the side. He took my hand in his, placing it on his chest and holding it there.

“When you’re ready to tell us—Lach and me—what’s going on, we have your back, B,” he whispered.

I sighed. “Does Lachlan gossip to you too?”

“No. I just know you.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. I knew Ethan would figure something out. “I promise to tell you, if you promise me something,” I mumbled.

“Depends on what you want me to promise.”

I smiled. That was so Ethan—not making promises until he knew what they were. “That if your dad ever hurts you again, you call me. If you’re alone, you call me.” I yawned. “I never want you to be alone, Ethan…never. Again.” I didn’t want any of us to be alone again; I hadn’t realized just how much harm being separated had done.

In his silence, sleep came quickly, so quickly that I couldn’t recall if he had promised me or not.

28

Bailey

Friday

---