Page 65 of Saving the Halfback

No. Yes. Maybe… I took a deep breath, eyeing the garden shed as it sat in the moonlight. While the love I had for Ed was true, what he did to me can still be wrong. “Thank you…for talking to me. What time is it, even?” I quickly looked down at my phone.

“I don’t want to lose you, Bailey,” he said, his voice gruff. “Shit happened to us, not between us. We need to stop letting it get between us and just get through it together.”

Like a family. I wanted to tell him everything, but doing so would put him in a bad position. Would it make him an accomplice? When the truth finally broke free, would he get in trouble for withholding information in a criminal case? Was this a criminal case? I felt like a criminal. Eventually, I was sure, the police were going to come for me. That, or Ed would die, and my lie would never be discovered. “I’m still working through everything. I feel like I have no right trying to work through it, though. I’m too young for this shit, you know?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I think I have a bit of an idea what is going on. I didn’t have anyone to talk to, and it fucking ate me up inside. Talk to me, okay? Even at three in the morning.” I smiled at that, nodding, even though I knew he couldn’t see. So, should I indulge? Tell him a few truths, get his opinion while I opened up? “How did you like stargazing?” he asked.

“How do you know about that?”

“Nolan and I talk.”

“Do you, now?” I raised my eyebrows, finding it amusing they were talking about me, but at the same time, not bothered by it.

Then again, I didn’t exactly trust myself. What if I was falling for one of them, but I was only deluding myself, just like I had with Ed? I trusted them, but I didn’t trust myself to trust them. At least Nolan and Lachlan weren’t isolating. If one of them were to suggest cutting everyone one around me out, I was sure the other would step in before I made another mistake.

“Yep, we sure do.” Lachlan made a noise, like he was stretching. “Ugh, why do Monday practices have to be morning practices? Should be banned, like double practices are.”

“Double practices?”

“Yeah, the last few years, we used to have one double practice a week—practice before and after school. The school board banned it, saying it was too much.”

“That sounds like it would suck, but I would be all for it. I like practice.” I got up from the window seat and walked over to my bed, slipping under the covers.

“If you like practice, just wait for the game,” he said. “You’re going to have the whole crowd chanting your name, trust me.”

I rolled my eyes. I highly doubted that, but I was excited for the game. “I should let you go. Thank you for answering me.”

“Bailey, I will always answer you.”

Silence fell upon us as it normally did when I was talking to Lachlan; he was so good with the calm quietness. My eyelids started to close as sleepiness took over. “Hear that?” I whispered, listening to the silence.

“I only hear your breathing,” he whispered back.

I smiled. “Same.” No loud bangs. No dogs barking. Just…the sound of his breathing…

24

Bailey

Monday

Lachlan was right—morning practices should be banned on Mondays. It probably didn’t help that my alarm went off only a couple of hours after I had fallen into a deep sleep. No matter. I was still looking forward to practice.

It took me a long time to finish the barn chores, or it felt like it. Like the water buckets in the horse stall filled drops at a time, no matter how fast the water flowed out. I tried to rush, wanting to head out as soon as I could to pick up Lachlan, but I found myself slowing down as well, talking to the horses, greeting them in a way I hadn’t in so long. Over the past couple of years, I had always rushed my chores, mechanically getting them over and done with. Feeding and watering the horses before turning some of them out into the pasture or paddocks. Everything habitual, no stroking of their manes, no bum scratches or cooing involved. Just getting the job done.

I was nearly finished when I got to Titan. He was so beautiful. I gave him his food in the bucket and moved the hose over to fill his water. While he ate, I got into the stall and began cleaning it out. Just as I shoveled his feces into the wheelbarrow,he stepped his legs back, arched, and began unloading a heavy stream of urine.

“Ah, come on, Titan!” I said to him. “You did that on purpose.” He stepped around the urine pile and gave me a look that told me he knew exactly what he’d done. I reached up to him and began scratching along his neck; it was his favorite spot. He leaned his neck into my hand and began bobbing his head up and down. “I know, buddy. I know I stopped coming. Maybe…” I thought about it—could I promise him? “Maybe I’ll take you out for a ride sometime this week.” I smiled at him. “I, uh, don’t know how much time I have. I don’t know how long I have here—don’t know if they’re coming for me—but I’m starting to think I can make the best of the time I have left.” With the presence of the police this weekend, I was starting to feel my time was limited. Talking to Titan was easy. He didn’t judge, he didn’t care, as long as I kept up with the scratches.

I felt a shadow pass over me, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up.

I could feel Ed’s breath on my cheek. I could feel his hard body press against me. It was a ghost of a feeling—not real, because he wasn’t really there—but a memory come to life, which was just as terrifying. His hardness pressed against my lower back, and I became frozen, just like I had the first time he had done this to me. “Don’t scratch, stroke. Stroke him like this, princess, see?” He grabbed my hips, holding me in place while he pressed against me. “He likes that.”

I pulled my hand away from Titan, as if I had been burned, and jumped back, looking around the stall. Empty. Aside from Titan and me, it was empty. I was the only person in the entire barn. Still, his presence had been so strong then that I felt he was here now. How had I not seen his actions for what they were, what they had been?

After cleaning up the soaked shavings in Titan’s stall, I topped off his hay, turned off the water, then took the wheelbarrow around back. He would stay in his stall, as Dad had stated he was going to take him for a ride this morning.

I had a quick shower, knowing I was about to get sweaty during practice, then grabbed a few pancakes for the road and the Tupperware of muffins my mom had made for the team. I tried to tell her they served the team breakfast in the mornings, but she didn’t care; she still wanted to make the muffins, and none of the guys ever objected.

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