Page 62 of Saving the Halfback

Eventually, his eyes drifted down to me. “What?”

“I thought you were just joking, saying you were geeky,” I teased.

A blush spread across his cheeks, visible even in the dark, our lantern the only light illuminating us. “Is it too much?” For the first time tonight, Nolan seemed nervous. The confident bravado he normally wore was gone, and he appeared somewhat timid.

“Definitely not. I never took the time to look up and think about the stars.” A streak flew across the sky—it happened so quick. “A shooting star!”

“Almost. That was a meteor. Keep an eye out, and more should come. It’s supposed to be a fairly busy sky tonight.”

“So, my wish won't come true?” I asked with a pout.

He chuckled, rolling over onto his side and using his arm to prop himself up. “Well, technically, shooting stars are meteors, so wish away.”

I smiled, then closed my eyes, concentrating.

“What are you wishing for?” Nolan’s voice came out low, his breath giving away how close to me he had moved. Still, I felt…safe. I was beginning to trust him.

“Unlimited supply of chocolate chip brownies.”

He laughed, and I opened my eyes, watching him flop back down. “You would.”

I rolled over, propping myself up this time and looking down at him. His blue eyes were dark in the dim lantern light. “I wished for more…more time like this. Feeling normal. Feeling eighteen and not eighty.”

He gave a sad smile, moving so his arms were behind his head as he peered up at the sky.

“What did you wish for?” I asked.

He was quiet, his eyes roaming the skies, and I could see the deep thoughts being processed on his face. “Yesterday, you asked me if the motorcycle was a Nolan thing…or a Nick thing.”

My chest got heavy. “I didn’t mean—”

“No, it’s okay. It didn’t bother me.” He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them, he turned his head to me. “I haven’t been Nolan for a while. Everyone loved Nick so much, and when he died, they were devastated. Losing him tore our family apart. After my mom left, I went and got my hair cut just like Nick’s. I waited for people to call me out on it, but they didn’t. It was just like when Nick and I would swap places for the day; no one blinked an eye. I went to my father and told him I wanted to play football. I think it was the first time I’d seen him smile in weeks.”

Nolan looked back up to the sky. “He smiled with every gain I made. Every catch, every throw. As I got stronger, he praised me. I fed off his praise. I devoured it, and the more he gave, the more I pushed myself. I would do anything for my father. Until…the praise came less and less, the critiques more and more, and I’m trying to keep up. To be the one to make him happy and to give him what he wants. I just can’t seem to get there anymore.”

I put my hand on Nolan’s arm. He took his arm from behind his head and slipped it down, threading his fingers through mine. “Because you’re not Nick. No matter how hard you try to pretend otherwise.”

Nolan nodded, keeping my hand tucked in his as he rolled onto his side. “Everyone was okay with me being Nick. For some, it’s all they’ve known. Except you. You asked about Nolan. So, I wished for more time like this. Maybe I can find Nolan again.”

“Can you just stop pretending? Quit the team. Eat a cheeseburger. Tell your dad you’re switching classes and going back to those AP courses. Lachlan would like that. Not many of the football players are in his classes.”

Nolan chuckled. “If only it were as easy as wishing on a meteorite.”

“Star,” I corrected. He smirked.

“What’s one more year, and if football gets me into my university of choice, what would it matter, anyway? I’ve put a lot of work into it.”

“It matters if you’re happy or not. Life’s not just about progress.”

“Well…there’s another side to pretending to be Nick. My dad doesn’t cry as much anymore. At school, Nick’s friends accepted me into their group and didn’t seem as somber. And I… I’m his twin. I’m his DNA. I’m everything he is made up of. So, as long as I am him, maybe for me, it feels like he didn’t leave, after all.”

Everyone mourned the loss of Nick, and when Nolan became Nick, they rejoiced in having him back. But no one mourned the loss of Nolan. I think… I think Nolan might be mourning the loss of both.

I looked back up at the sky. “I don’t see shooting stars anymore. Is it over?”

I said nothing about the fact that Nolan never let go of my hand as he looked back up at the sky. I didn’t remove my hand, either; his grasp was warm and welcoming. “Not over, it can go on for hours. When they reach Earth’s atmosphere, it’s like hitting a wall, and they catch fire and burn up.”

“So, what we’re seeing is like their final journey before they burn up? Do they turn to ash?” One last chance to be who they are before they burn alive.

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