Page 54 of Saving the Halfback

Ed chuckled, a sound that made me feel defeated.

“I wasn’t afraid,” I whispered.

“Of course, you weren’t. You are tougher than that. I had to work you harder, but only because you have a tough spirit. See how beautifully it shone, though? How malleable it became? You had no reason to fear me, because you understood. You know what has to be done to become the proper wife. To be mine.”

I turned to Ed, stepping away from the window. “I was afraid of you. I wasn’t afraid of Lachlan. He walked up to me, grabbed me, and it was so gentle yet powerful. I wasn’t afraid of him. I felt safe with him, something I never, ever felt with you.”

“You didn’t need safety. You were unruly. I turned you into the woman you are now. The one he tried to take away. You wanted so bad to become this. It was all your choice.”

I shook my head, taking a step back. His words didn’t feel right. They caused my heart to ache, but some part of me was trying to convince my heart it was really all my choice. Why would anyone choose to cower when someone else showed them another way? “Liar.” I shook my head, my voice rising. “How could I have made a choice when you never gave one?”

A light in the hall flicked on, and my mom poked her head in. “Bailey?” she asked sleepily. Ed was gone. I walked back to my bed, sitting down and pulling the covers over my legs.

“Yeah, sorry, I was having a bad dream.”Creeeeeak, bang.I froze, thinking she must’ve heard it, but she said nothing.

Mom blinked a couple of times as she looked at me. “Are you okay? I was just waking up, anyway.” Was it already five in the morning? It was so dark outside. Mom came into my room and sat at the foot of the bed. “It was a busy week at school. I want to check in and see how you’re doing. Balancing the farm and football isn’t easy.” She reached up and swiped my tears away with her thumb.

Chores, football, friends, and the impending doom that someone was going to find out what I’d done and punish me for it. What would my own mother think of me when she found out? Because, through the night, I’d come to the conclusion that it was awhenand not anif.

I leaned forward and lay across my bed, so my head was in my mother’s lap. I wrapped my arms around her waist. “Thank you for being the best mom.”

“Bailey,” my mom whispered. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“Just tired.”

“Maybe football is too much.”

“No, Mom, it’s not. I promise. I’m making friends. And I have been hanging out with Lachlan again.”

Mom stroked my hair. “The O’Riley boy?”

“Yeah.”

“You should invite him over sometime. I haven’t seen him in a while.”

“I also made a new friend. Nolan is our quarterback.” Once I started talking, it was hard to stop. I told Mom about the guys, how Ethan and Chase were distant, but Lachlan and I hung outa lot. I told her about Beth and a couple other girlfriends of football players she’d introduced me to. I told her how much art class sucked, but gym was great and English was okay. I told her how I was getting swamped in history, but Nolan was helping me so I wouldn’t get left in the dust. He was a good teacher; I could listen to his voice all day… I didn’t tell her that.

I spilled so many truths to Mom, in hopes it would make up for the lies. It didn’t, it wouldn’t. My lies were too big. It was nice letting her in on something, though. Not being alone on something. I was nervous and excited for my first high school party. Lachlan had told me there was one after the first game.

“You’ll be safe, right? You know not to drink out of open cups, not to leave your drink anywhere.”

“Yes, I know. I’ll have my phone on too.”

Mom’s hands stilled in my hair. “And you call, for anything. I don’t care if you’re drunk or high or whatever. I don’t condone it, but as long as you call us when you need help, I will ignore and forgive whatever state you’re in.”

I sat up, pushing through the tears and giving her a smile. “I will, I promise.”

“Maybe we can have breakfast here at the farm. Invite the team. I’ll talk to your dad about it.”

“Do you know how big the team is?”

“I used to go to some of your dad’s college games before I knew him. It will be fine. We can handle them. We can set up a buffet.” Mom stood up. “Why don’t you lie down and get some more rest? I’ll do the morning chores.”

I moved to get off the bed, but Mom put her hand on my shoulder, holding me in place. “You don’t have to, Mom. I’ll get up.”

“I want to. It’s been a while since I spent time in the barn. I may go for a ride this morning.” She turned and went to the door. She was being too kind to me, and I didn’t deserve it. Onceshe found out what I did, she would know I didn’t deserve it. How much would she hate me? Could I live knowing how badly I hurt her?

“Mom.” She stopped and looked back at me. “Sometimes I feel like I’m a bad person.”

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