Page 46 of Saving the Halfback

Mr. Levie came into the class just as the second bell rang and started his lecture. I engrossed myself in the lesson, hanging on to his every word. Nolan didn’t try to speak to me again. He snuck his phone under the table, texting now and then, but I was hyper focused on the lesson. So focused, in fact, that I heard each word individually, and the teacher’s sentences weren’t making any sense.

I was totally going to flunk this class because the only thought on my mind was hypothermia. Weird, right? Like, how when someone is cold, their body will shiver in response. It’s their muscles’ way of creating heat to stay warm. But there’s a point in hypothermia when you stop shivering, when your regulation systems can no longer cope, and everything gets consumed by the cold. And then, I thought, shouldn’t I be shaking right now? Or have I finally been too consumed by the cold?

I felt bad ditching Nolan as soon as the bell rang. The truth was, I was doing my best to remain in control. In control of the emotions rolling through me, in control of the thoughts trying to break down the door in my head, which I kept carefully locked. And I was sure if I gave in, if I took the comfort he attempted to give all through class, that door would break open, and I wasn’t exactly sure what truths would fall out.

I didn’t even stop at my locker, just walked out to my truck, keeping it in the forefront of my mind, so I wouldn’t be derailed. Only…Lachlan stood at the truck, waiting for his ride home.

He was leaning against the hood, phone in hand as he typed something out, frowning at the screen. He hadn’t seen me yet,so part of me thought about turning around and going the other way. Maybe escaping to the library for a breather. I could text him I was going to run late with a project and to take the bus without me. But I couldn’t do that. I’d agreed to give him a ride. I could just give him my keys, and he could drive back to town while I took the bus.

My phone buzzed in my hand, likely Dad adding to my chore list. I flipped it over and looked at the screen.

Lachlan:Take your time, I can wait.

I looked up to where Lachlan was now staring at me from across the parking lot. His smile was small, soft, and his eyes were welcoming, and then he winked at me. I shook my head, laughing under my breath, and unlocked the truck before making my way over.

At first, I was uptight and nervous as we got in, but Lachlan carried on like nothing had happened at lunch. He fiddled with the radio a bit and then the heat, making it a comfortable temperature before sitting back. I felt like I was hyper attuned to his every move as he leaned on his elbow, his hand rubbing absently against his chin, as if he were in thought.

I had my arm on the center armrest as well, holding on to the gearshift, even though the truck was an automatic. It was habit after driving so many stick shifts on the farm.

Lachlan’s phone pinged, and he flipped it over, typing something with his thumb and then chuckling at whoever he was talking to. “Busy tonight?” he asked, and it took me a few seconds to realize he was talking to me.

“Yeah, I have some chores to do, and then I’m helping Dad take the beans off the field. It’s supposed to rain all next week.” Dad had already been out in the field all day with the farm hands, so Mom and I were going to go out in the evening while the guys came in to get something to eat and rest for a few hours.

“Gracie was wondering. She keeps asking to go for ice cream with you.”

Gracie was Lachlan’s little sister. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen her.”

“She starts high school next year.”

Wow. How? I swear, she had just started grade four last year. “Maybe we can hang out next week.”

Lachlan nodded, typing on his phone before setting it on his lap. I relaxed more as we got to the city limits and the houses started getting sparse. Lachlan placed his hand on mine, surprising me with the sudden touch. Warmth spread through my hand, even though his touch was barely a whisper against my skin, so light. “Is this fine?” he asked.

“Yeah.” My voice came out as a whisper, but when I glanced up at him, I could see how much he was struggling. I turned my hand palm up and held on to his hand more firmly. He let out a steady breath before nodding, as if answering his own thoughts.

I drove for a few minutes longer, relaxing into my seat while he became stiffer, his leg bouncing slowly at first, a little tremble, before it turned into a full shaking bounce. “Do you mind—” He cleared his throat. “I just need a quick smoke. Can you pull over?”

I nodded, letting go of his hand and moving the truck to the side of the road. Lachlan was out as soon as I put the truck into park. He opened his backpack and moved to the tailgate. I didn’t stare. I wanted to give him privacy, no matter how much I wanted to see what he was doing. Then he began pacing, a joint in his hand as he took a drag. Finally, he nodded to himself before tapping the red end out and placing it back into a baggie and into his backpack.

Lachlan got back into the truck.

“Good?” I asked. “I can wait a bit longer if you need.”

He turned in his seat, facing me. “I was charged with assault. Assault causing bodily harm.” His eyes watched me, weighing my reaction. I was just confused. “Only my parents and my lawyer know the full story of what happened. We thought it might lessen my sentence. Maybe it did because I could’ve gotten a lot worse. The judge was a dick, though.

“I was back and forth with whether to tell you, but after today… Bailey, I see you. I see you spiraling and the rapid changes in mood and trying to cover it up and excuse what you’re feeling—I see it. I went through it, still go through it sometimes.”

“I’m not trying to cover anything up.”

“Did you not tell Nolan you were being dramatic?” Lachlan asked, keeping his voice level and soothing.

“Ugh, you guys gossip way too much. Iwasbeing dramatic. I have no idea what happened. It was nothing.”

Lachlan shook his head. “I was thirteen when I was raped.”

My heart stopped, my blood running cold. Lachlan,myLachlan, had been raped? My hands gripped the steering wheel, my knuckles turning white. No words came out because I had no idea what to say.

“It was March break, grade eight. My brother brought his friend home from college. Remember back then how everyone thought I was gay?”

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