Page 45 of Saving the Halfback

Silence.

I wasn’t even sure Chase was still standing there, but I couldn’t bring myself to look. Why, why was it that, in fight-or-flight situations, my body always chose to freeze? Why couldn’t I be a fighter?

“Bailey.” Chase’s voice was soft. “I- I- I would never hurt you.”

“What the fuck, man?” The sound of Lachlan’s voice had me looking up. “Why are you cornering her?” Chase’s eyes were on me, though, searching my face. Lachlan shoved him to the side.

“What the hell!” Chase shoved him back. “I wasn’t hurting her. We were just—”

“Give her some space.” Lachlan got right up into Chase’s face. “Can you not see you’re intimidating her?”

I couldn’t figure out what to do; they looked as if they were about to fight, but over what? Me? No, they couldn’t. I felt the blood rushing to my head, making me dizzy. I had to speak out, to tell them to knock it off, but all I could hear was his voice in my ears.You need to be taught some manners, princess.

I could hear a dog barking down the street, and my knees gave way. The asphalt rushed up quickly, my skin scraping even through the material of my jeans.

Fear and pain consumed me all at once, and I wished I could push past it. I wanted to scream at myself to get through this inconvenient time, but I was just…stuck.

Then hands touched either side of my cheeks, and I looked up into Nolan’s eyes. He was talking, his lips moving, and though my hearing was numb, muffled, as it had been this morning, I became lost in those dark blue eyes.

I took a deep, shuddering breath as calmness washed over me. Nolan pulled me in, wrapping his arms around me and tugging me into his lap. Everything else faded away, except the steady thump of his heartbeat.

17

Bailey

Ididn’t think I had ever been so embarrassed in my entire life. When I finally came to my senses, I was sitting on the ground in the parking lot in Nolan's arms. Chase and Lachlan, who were very close to having a full-on fist fight, were standing there, staring at me, as if waiting for me to shatter at any moment.

“Sorry,” I mumbled to Nolan. I stood up, even though he tried to hold me still. Lachlan stepped forward, but I held my hand up to stop him. “I need some space for a bit. I’m fine, I’m just, I’m sorry.” I was about to fall apart. The shaking wasn’t just in my hands, the numbness not only in my feet. It was in my chest, it was in my mind, it was so much deeper than I’d thought possible. All day, all the night before, it had been building up, and now I could feel it ready to explode. I needed to compose myself.

So, I left. What a mess. Here I was, mad at Chase for running away, while he was mad at me for running away. I wasn’t, but now I was, and… damn, how did I even sort through any of this?

Did I have—

Was that—

A trauma response? No, because I wasn’t traumatized. I had a good family; I was lucky to have them. Good parents. People with good parents weren’t traumatized. And I had found love. Ed loved me. Seriously, he did. He had said once I was too up in my head, thinking and overthinking way too much. He was right. I was just being dramatic.

I laughed at my own stupidity as I walked through the halls to get my bag. How embarrassing this all was.

I was so grateful when we spent gym class watching a video of the first aid and CPR. I sat away from Nolan and Lachlan, though I could feel them staring at me the whole time. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Nolan’s head dipping close to Lachlan as he whispered, and Lachlan nodded in response. By the end of the class, I wished I could ditch history and go home early, but of all my classes, history was the one I struggled with the most.

Chase walked up next to me. “Bailey, I would’ve never hurt you. You believe me, right? I’m angry, but I would’ve never hurt you.”

He thought I was scared of him? I guess it must’ve looked that way. I’d just taken on the submissive role Ed had taught me. It was so much easier when defusing stressful situations. It was the right thing to do. It was the right move to make.

Some part of me knew, at this moment, I was acting like a puppet on strings. I was disassociating with everything around me, but what else could I do? I put on a friendly smile. “Chase, it wasn’t that. I wasn’t afraid, I’ve just been tired lately. Sorry, that had nothing to do with you, okay?” I giggled. Why did I giggle?

I didn’t meet Chase’s stare, but he kept following me. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I smiled. I must’ve looked so pathetic. “Bye.” I turned into class.

I slipped into my seat and Nolan sat next to me. “Bailey—”

I held my hand up.Please, no more awkward encounters.I would probably throw up. “Honestly, I am fine. Just a bit of a dramatic girl moment.”

“What was?” Ethan asked from my other side.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.”

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