Page 42 of Saving the Halfback

Everyone always claimedthey wanted some massive mansion of a house. If only they knew…how quiet it was, how empty it felt. No matter how many times I tried to fill the spaces with random shit, spending as much of my father’s money as I could before I was cut off, it still felt empty. No matter how many parties I threw, how many mindless nobodies I invited over in an attempt to fill the void, it was still empty. This, them, it wasn’t living; they weren’t friends. Everything was just…empty.

I stripped the moment I got into my room and pulled on a pair of grey sweats. I went to my closet to grab a shirt and stared atit, the tips of my fingers and toes numb and tingling. My vision fuzzy as my breathing slowed down. There was an ache that settled deep in my chest.

No matter how long I stared at the bright yellow noose that hung from my closet bar, I still emotionally felt exactly how this house felt…empty. My father wouldn’t mourn. They probably wouldn’t find my body for a while, seeing as the cleaner was asked to leave my room alone. It wouldn’t be until the stench ofdecay slipped from my door and seeped into the hallway that she would come in and check.

Maybe he would mourn, but I knew it would be for show. Deep down, he wished I would do it. I knew he did. I wished I would too. I had no one, no one of meaning. That was the thing—money did buy friends, but those friends weren’t real. They wouldn’t fucking carry you out of the woods when you broke your ankle on a hike, then spend their entire summer hanging out with you, even though you knew they would rather be out exploring abandoned buildings. I’d had my chance at true friendship, true family, and lost it.

Enough of the self-pity. I shook my head and grabbed a shirt, slipping it on. I went to my nightstand and opened the drawer, needing to feel…something. I grabbed the neatly folded-up picture and just sat there, pressing it to my lips.

My computer pinged, and a voice came through the speaker, causing me to jump. “GreySeeker 453, you there?” Maybe, there was at least one person out there for me.

I moved to the computer and shook the mouse until the game I had been playing this morning popped up. I pulled the mic closer to me and spoke to Lachlan. “Yeah, I’m here,” I said, my voice coming out as a croak.

“You sound like shit. There’s a party of warlocks headed up to Forgotten Mountain to defeat the Hydra, wanna join?”

Lachlan didn’t know it was me he spoke with. I had found him on this game during his time in juvie; he was only allotted a certain amount on it per week for good behavior. I guess old habits die hard, because for the last three years, we have been playing it religiously. I got that he didn’t want to see me when I came to visit him, but why the fuck did he stay away from me now? Why did he ignore me after he got out? The guy couldn’t stand to be near me; he nearly jumped in his skin anytime I approached him. Was I that revolting?

So, I pretended, again, because that was all my life was at this point. One big imaginary game. I pretended to be GreySeeker, just so I could get in a few good hours with an old friend.

16

Bailey

Friday

Icould see the teacher’s lips moving, I could hear the chatter of students around me, but all of it was muffled, distant. My stomach churned and my skin felt tight and cold.

Creeeak, bang!My nails dug into leather.

Creeeak, bang!My face was pushed down into a hard surface.

Wait… Did the bell ring? I was in class, I had to get up. I grabbed my belongings as chattering continued. I was lost in the sea of students, pushed this way and that like tidal waves.

Creeeak, bang!I was breathing…right? Yeah, I was breathing, I had to be. My steps were muffled. I was walking, right? Yeah, I was walking, my body moving while, inside, I curled into the corner of the recesses of my mind.

Creeeak, bang!“No,” I whimpered.

A pencil was in my hand. I was drawing, scribbling. When had this happened? Flashes of the day cut in and out, time passing, without me really being a part of it. What the hell was going on?

Creeeak, bang!No.Creeeeak, bang!Stop.Creeeak, bang!Please.

Creeeak—

“Bailey. Bailey.” I blinked a few times and shook my head. Nolan was holding my hand, squeezing it tight. “You okay?”

I cleared my throat. Art. I was in art class. “Yeah, I’m good,” I croaked.

Nolan looked over at Lachlan briefly, concern in his eyes. I had to get a hold of myself. I was overreacting, and it was ridiculous. I tried to focus on the now. I leaned over my drawing, trying to make sense of what I had been doing with my sketch.Creeeak. “Do you hear that?” I asked.

“Hear…what…” Lachlan asked, turning his head to the side, as if listening.

I shook my head again. “Nothing. I just, I didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

“Bailey, you’re shaking,” Nolan whispered. I forced my body to still.

Pulling my hand away, I took a deep breath. “Sorry. What were we talking about?” I asked, trying to divert their attention.

They both looked at me suspiciously. “Me, moving this weekend. Lach was offering to help with the move,” Nolan said. His eyes were too sharp. When he watched me, he really watched me, but I noticed it wasn’t just me—he really watched Lachlan too. Like he was checking in on both of us.

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