Page 41 of Saving the Halfback

“What, Bailey?” Derek asked, tipping his bottle up to his lips and taking a large gulp. “I heard she’s working to break you up.”

Why? Why was he adding fuel to the fire? Bailey didn’t care about Hadley and me. More importantly, Bailey didn’t give a shit aboutme.

“Told you,” Hadley said, pouting. “I just wanted to give her a little shake up to get her to stop coming for us. I did it for us.”

I shook my head. I should call her out on it. I should defend Bailey, but I didn’t have it in me. “Stay away from her.”

“It’s not fair. She—”

“Enough,” I snapped. “You stepped on her hand, Hadley. She’s a player on the team, a running back. You’re lucky you didn’t fucking break anything! You put the team at risk.”Coward. That wasn’t why I was angry with her actions. She hurt Bailey. I didn’t find out about the hand until later in the day, but when I’d seen Bailey in class, she was hurt because of that hat. The damn hat she’d made me win for her. It was a cheap thing, and yet it was so clear how much she treasured it.Fuck, that shouldn’t make my dead heart start acting up…should it?

No, it shouldn’t, because anything with Bailey was a dead end. Filled with betrayal and abandonment.

“She made me cry today,” Hadley whimpered, trying to go for the sympathy card.

I scoffed and took a long swig of my beer. Hadley wasn’t getting my sympathy; she never would.

Derek moved closer to her, placing a hand on her back to comfort her. “It wasn’t just Hadley. A few were in on it. It was just fun,” Derek said, defending her.

I looked him in the eye, my face void of emotion. “Bailey is off-limits. Understood? Fuck with her again, and I will deal with you myself.”

“What the hell, man? I thought you hated her.” Derek was in disbelief.

“I knew it.” Hadley’s bottom lip quivered. “I knew you had a thing for her.”

“Almost like when you and Derek flirt when you think I’m not looking?” I shot back.

She didn’t even miss a beat. “Ha, now you’re trying to turn it around on me just because you got caught? Seriously.” Hadley stood. “I’m so done with being gaslit. This is ridiculous.”

No, wait, stop.The words were weak in my mind, a whisper dripping with sarcasm as Hadley stomped out of the backyard and to the pool house. I drowned them out with another swig of beer.

“I better give her a ride,” Derek said.

I laughed, so much hatred and disdain bubbling out of me. “Haven’t you already, though?”

“You can be a real asshole sometimes.” He shook his head as he went after her. Whatever.

Then they were gone.

I satin the emptiness of the hot tub, which sat in the emptiness of the back patio, holding on to the emptiness of my beer bottle. I couldn’t do this much longer, because all too soon, everything around me would be gone. What happens when even your emptiness leaves you?

Standing, I walked toward the pool house to get another beer but stopped and changed course as my eyes landed on the pool. I stumbled over, probably not in the best condition for a swim but needing one all the same. I made it a few laps, back and forth the length of the pool, before I stopped in the deep end, treading water. The yard was dark now—black, almost—except for the pool lights illuminating the water around me. Surrounded by darkness but not quite, as if this was the tiny shred of light I was holding on to.

I grabbed the ladder and used it to pull myself under the water, holding myself there so I wouldn’t float up.I wasstanding on the bridge, staring down at the rapids below, watching the water bend and weave around and over the sharp rocks. That was when I saw her. Bailey. Fuck, how much I dreaded saying her name out loud. As if it would be my undoing.It almost had been…that first day of school. Her name had hovered over the tip of my tongue, and I knew if I so much as whispered it, I would’ve broken right there in front of her. Spilling myself before her and in front of everyone. Vince’s contempt for showing emotional weakness was the only thing that kept me strong.

Feeling the pressure in my head, building in my lungs, I pulled myself up, out of the water. Gasping.

That day on the bridge, Bailey had her hair in one long braid down her back. I had been there because I was ready to stop the emptiness, stop its consumption… Ready to let go of the railing and tip over into the rapids below. No one would second-guess. It wouldn’t be the first time a kid fell into that river and got swept away. We had been reminded to be careful of it our entire childhood. But then…she had worn her hair in a braid that day. Why? Why did it bother me so?

I took another breath of the night air before pulling myself under the water.

Bailey was walking by, hair in a braid, head down and so drawn into herself, but…she saw me. She stopped and looked directly at me, and I saw her take a breath and hold it. Hold it as if she were holding on to me, and for just a moment, I thought there was something there, something that passed between us. I let go of the railing, but…I didn’t tip over. Instead, I stepped back from it. When her amber eyes locked on to mine, I hated how much hope filled me.

Everyone in my life could come and go, and it would do nothing to me. But this girl, my Bailey girl, she could crush my soul with a single glance or breathe life back into me with amere whisper. Bailey opened her mouth, as if to say something to me, but then her eyes widened in fear. Why? What was she scared of?

I let go of the ladder and frantically swam up, realizing I’d held myself under a little too long. I sucked in the night air. Her fear was the reason I’d shown up to school this year. I’d wanted to know, needed to know, but when she walked up to me, it was the last thing I had expected. And before I knew it, all this pain and hate came rushing forward. It took everything in me not to take it out on her.

I pulled myself out of the water and walked back into the house. I knew why I’d come back to school. The only thing I didn’t understand now was why I stayed.

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