Page 2 of Saving the Halfback

“I have to get to school,” I told him. “I just wanted to let you know I finished the chores this morning.”

He nodded, though I could see the disappointment in his eyes. Guilt crept in. He would let me skip school, if it meant I went out riding with him. I was good at that, disappointing people. Maybe it was something I could work on.

“You guys checking on the cows?” I asked, trying to give him a few minutes of my attention.

“Yeah, several are due to give birth any day now. Going to rotate a couple herds.” He stopped and his eyes met mine. “You look good today, Bailey.”

“Thanks, Dad.” I smiled at him. “When I get home, I’ll clean out the stalls and feed everyone. Is that Titan I see Tommy on?” I asked, looking out to the red gelding.

“Yes. Someone has to ride him. Can’t have him going rusty on us.” It had been two years since I’d ridden, but I couldn’t findthe passion in me anymore. Titan had been my horse, a working barrel-racing horse.

I nodded. “All right. I better go. Love you, Dad.”

He smiled and nodded. “Love you too, sweetheart.”

I enjoyed driving to school.My parents had splurged and gotten me a used Dodge Ram 1500. The truck was needed for hauling trailers and getting orders from the feed store but also made it so I could finish morning chores, instead of rushing out to catch the school bus. Dad had talked about how I could fit all my friends in it because of the extended cab. The moment he’d said that, my grin and excitement from getting the truck had faded.

My small town didn’t have a high school, so all the small-town kids were bused into the city forty minutes away. There were a handful of us who had transferred together, some of whom I used to call friends. I’d seen them every day for years, and yet, not once had we uttered a word to one another. One of the wrongs I hoped to make right this year.

I turned the music down low as I drove, needing to think. This semester was going to be easy. I was most excited for gym class. I had always been athletic and competitive, but I had never actually chosen gym. I had put off selecting my electives for so long, though, that gym and art were my only options. At least I’d lucked out by getting one thing I enjoyed. I thought it would be fun. A bit of a break from the books. Art, on the other hand…well, I hoped the teacher didn’t mind stick figures.

I had stepped out of my comfort zone with the classes, or rather, I stepped beyond the line that was drawn for me. I smiled, congratulating myself. See, I could totally do this. Maybe, this year, I would even sit in the cafeteria, instead of my usual spot at the top of the stairs in the far wing of the school;it was always quiet there. And maybe…maybe I would make friends, some girlfriends. My phone had a total of five contacts. My parents, two farmhands, and our neighbor. All emergency contacts. Maybe this would be the year I’d add more…fill it up. Stay up all night, texting friends and going to parties.

My smile turned to a grin. Yes, yes, and yes. I wanted to do it all. I didn’t want to feel dead inside all the time. Maybe feeling dead inside was the wrong way to put it. I was quiet inside. No excitement, no ambition, just empty and lost. I didn’t want to feel lost. It wasn’t who I was; it was who I’d become. Ed had been right—it was my choice, and I’d turned into that all on my own. But now it was up to me to turn back. It was up to me to take the step forward. After all, he’d let me go so I could move on, right?

“Stop lying to yourself.”

I shook my head in an attempt to get rid of his voice, but then he appeared, sitting next to me. I kept my eyes on the road. Maybe if I ignored him…

“Igave you excitement, remember, princess?” I could feel his eyes boring into me, demanding I look at him, but I kept my eyes focused forward. “As long as I was around, you weren’t lost. Kids your age, they just don’t get you like I did.”

“Kids…” I whispered. I didn’t feel like a child. I could hardly remember the last time I’d felt like a child. With that thought, his voice and body vanished from the truck.

The parking lotwas almost full when I got to school. I was sure everyone in my small town could fit into the gymnasium alone, but despite its size, overcrowding was still an issue. Buses were lined up, letting kids off, and the school mascot, a black panther, was out jumping around and hyping kids up for the first day. It was the same greeting we got every year.

Parking at the back of the lot, I allowed myself a few moments to breathe. I could do this. I would do this.I am Bailey.I used to be adventurous, carefree, and an extreme extrovert.I can totally do this again.

Getting out of the truck, I pulled on my backpack, pressing the lock button twice before making my way to the school. There was nothing in there to steal, but it gave me something to fiddle with, expelling some of my nerves. Kids met in groups and screamed one another’s names, as if they hadn’t seen each other in years. They ran, hugging or just jumping together. The vibes added fuel to my flame, the courage within me growing.I can do this.

Then…I saw Chase. Chase was one of the town guys who’d transferred to the city school with us. Only, his family didn’t own a farm; they owned an estate. They were wealthy. I knew this because there was a time, which felt like so long ago, when Chase had been a friend. A best friend. However, we went from summer campouts and schoolyard games to near complete silence.

He had changed so much over the years that I wasn’t sure how to even talk to him. His small arms and narrow chest had grown to thick coils of muscle and broad-set shoulders. He, along with the rest of our used-to-be friend group, was on the football team. When we were younger, I remembered being able to see over his head and my dad reassuring him that his growth spurt would come in time. Well, it had definitely hit. Chase had nearly a foot and a half on me now, and I wasn’t a small girl.

He stood next to his red sports car, Hadley, his girlfriend of two years, tucked under his arm. I held my head high and reminded myself that this year would be the year for change. Never mind what Ed had said. I could do this without him.

So, when those stormy grey eyes of his glanced my way, capturing my attention, I refused to look away this time. Irefused to be timid and shy away. Instead, I gave him a smile, praying it didn’t come across as creepy and unnatural. Shit…maybe I should have practiced this.

“Hey, Chase.” I slowed my walking to a stop in front of them. Time froze. Chase froze. His lips parted ever so slightly, and his eyes widened briefly. “How was your summer?” I asked, trying to break the awkward staring moment, even as Hadley gave me a death glare.

All too quickly, he snapped his mouth shut and narrowed his eyes at me. “Who the fuck are you again?” He turned his head away dismissively and continued talking to the crowd in front of him.

Hadley laughed. Not a full laugh. It was like a mocking, short laugh that had my heart sinking. Others in the group glanced at me briefly before effectively ignoring me, and my shoulders deflated. I tucked tail and walked to the school, trying hard not to run and give away my embarrassment. Trying hard not to allow the tears that burned my eyes to fall.

There was no way he had forgotten me. We’d spent every day together since kindergarten. Did three years really make someone forget another person entirely? Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe.

I could feel eyes on my back as I walked away, but I didn’t dare look. I wasn’t sure I could handle seeing that indifferent dismissal from Chase again. Of all the things I’d worried about today, rejection from old friends wasn’t one of them. I hadn’t been expecting animosity between us. It wasn’t that we had left on good or bad terms; we’d left on no terms. We’d just stopped. Stopped being there, stopped talking to one another, stopped everything. Was this how it would go with the others? Part of me didn’t want to find out. Could I even handle it?

I rushed into the closest bathroom and locked myself in a stall, hoping no one was in there. Panic rose in my chest andcurled around my heart, and in that moment, I realized why I wore baggy clothes so often. It felt good to have something surround you, to hold you and weigh you down while you felt as though you were floating away.

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