Page 152 of Saving the Halfback

His dad spun on me. “I knew you would be trouble,” he growled.

“Say it.” I ground my teeth, trying to curb the anger.

“What?”

“Say his name.”

Nolan’s dad was a large man, but when I took a step forward, he found himself backing up against the wall. “His name is Nolan. I get you lost your other son, but can’t you see the damage you're doing? He is not Nick, and no matter how much you shove him into that small box, no matter how much it hurts him, he will always try to make you happy, but he will never be Nick. Ever. When he was hurt and in need of help, he didn’t call you. He called us. If you don’t stop, you’re going to have two dead sons!” I yelled in his face.

Spinning, I stomped up the stairs. I found the others in the room with an open door and stepped in just as Lachlan was pulling Nolan’s socks and shoes off. I grabbed the comforterand draped it over him, watching his breathing for a moment to reassure myself he was only sleeping. He was so still.

I knelt beside the bed. “Nolan,” I whispered, his face inches from mine. “Please give me some indication you’re okay, that I don’t have to call the ambulance right now,” I begged.

His eyes fluttered but didn’t fully open. “I’m okay,” he whispered. “I just need ten minutes. I'll be good in ten minutes.”

“Did you hit your head?” Lachlan asked.

“No.” Nolan yawned. “Hand me the pills in my drawer.”

Lachlan opened the drawer and pulled out a prescription bottle. Before he opened it, he looked at the label and took out his phone, searching for the drug name. “Muscle relaxers,” he said before opening the bottle and slipping one into Nolan’s hand. Nolan swallowed it with no drink, then promptly fell back asleep.

The picture frame on the bedside table caught my attention. “Can you guys stay here? With him?” I asked.

All three of them nodded, and I grabbed the picture, walking out. This had to stop. I couldn’t watch Nolan tear himself apart anymore. I got that it was selfish, but Nolan was family. I had to protect him as much as he wanted to try to protect me.

I expected Nolan’s dad to be downstairs somewhere, but he was sitting at the top of the stairs. I took a deep breath, calming myself before I sat down next to him. “Is he okay?” Rob asked, his voice broken.

“Yes.” His body deflated at that, and I gave him a moment before I held out the picture, and he gently took it from me. “This is Nick.” I pointed to the little boy that had the same haircut Nolan sported now. He had a huge grin on his face, his arms held up, showing off his muscles the way little boys did. “This is Nolan.” I pointed to the kid next to him. He was identical to Nick but also the total opposite. His hair was falling into his eyes, curly and resting below his chin. His shoulders were hunched alittle, and the smile he had was soft, content. Like he was just happy to be and didn’t need to be big to show it. He leaned into his brother.

The grown man next to me let out a long breath as tears rolled down his cheeks. “I thought I was helping Nolan.” His voice was low. “I thought I was keeping him busy and doing things his brother did, so he wouldn’t have to miss or grieve his brother. He never said—” His voice broke.

“Nolan told me he was being more like Nick, so you wouldn’t have to grieve his loss. You both are pretending he never died.”

That broke the man. Sobs wracked his body, and he clutched the picture in his hands, large tears falling onto the glass. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder, having to reach up to half hug his frame. “It’s something a son, a brother, should have never had to do.” He tried to take steadying breaths. “I didn’t know. I didn’t know it was hurting him so much. He never—”

“He never would have told you.” It was something I was learning. “It’s the ones we love the most who will heal us the most. But it’s the ones we love the most we hide from because we want to protect them. We need to stop hiding the pain.”

Silence descended as we both stared at the picture. “We went for a hike that day,” his dad said, clearing his throat and wiping the tears off the picture before wiping them off his own cheeks. “Nick was so determined to beat our time, wanting to conquer the trail, always running up ahead, coming back and telling Nolan to hurry up before running back ahead of us. Nolan wanted to stop at every rock, lift it up to see what bugs lived under there. He would pause every five minutes and look at the sky and say, ‘Dad, listen,’ and then he would spout out the name of some bird, followed by the scientific name. Nick was myhurry up and get there,beat the racekind of kid. Nolan was mystop and listen to the birdsand smell the flowerskind.”

Rob moved to put his arm around me, giving me a large side hug before letting go.

“Thank you, kid, you’re a good friend. I’m going to go check on him.” He cleared his throat again and wiped his face, trying to get rid of any evidence he was crying. His eyes were so bloodshot and puffy, it was still obvious.

I followed him to the room and smiled at the shouts and laughing coming from within. Nolan was awake, though still lying in bed and looking tired. Ethan leaned against the dresser, arms crossed and smiling. Chase was standing on top of a chair, shouting something, while Lachlan sat at the end of the bed. Everyone went silent when we walked into the room, and Chase quickly got down off the chair.

“Dad? Are you okay?” Nolan asked. He sat up quickly but gasped, grabbing his leg.

“What happened?” Rob asked, stepping up to his son. The worry and love he had for Nolan was the same I felt my dad had for me. He never wanted to harm his son; grief makes us do things we wouldn’t normally do. It disguised the wrong choices as the only choices.

“My leg won’t relax, it keeps spasming. Should I get in the ice plunge?” Nolan asked.

Lachlan’s eyes widened, but before he spoke, Nolan’s dad did. “No, son. Let’s get some heat on this and let you rest.”

Nolan looked over at the clock on his bedside table. “I have practice soon.”

“I’ll call Coach. You’re staying home today.”

Nolan blinked at him a couple times, then frowned. “Why? I’m fine, I can do it.” He tried to get up, but his father stopped him.

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