Page 139 of Saving the Halfback

“It was me,” I said quickly.

Ethan sat back and frowned. “What?”

I grabbed my shirt, pulling it on, and looked for my pants. Ethan held them out to me. “Your father, it was me that did it.”

“Stop.”

“It was, though. It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn't gone in there,” I reasoned, my voice raising.

“Enough!” Ethan got up, gathering clothes to get dressed. “I smashed it into his head. Don’t ever think it was you.”

I walked to the edge of the bed on my knees, pleading with him to listen to me. “Just say…say I did it, because if you say it enough, it will be true.”

Now dressed, he walked up to me and held my face in his hands. “I don’t give a fuck what anyone says. I don’t care what you say. I know what happened. You saved my fucking life, B. I don’t care if I spend the rest of it locked up, I will always be grateful for you. I will always protect you, with everything inside of me.”

I could feel the tears stream down my face, but Ethan wouldn’t allow them to fall, swiping them away with his thumbs. “I don’t want you to go. I can’t let you.”

“Don’t you understand, B? The only time in my life I have ever been truly afraid was the moment you ran at him. When you took him down. I was so afraid you were going to get hurt. Never. I will never let that happen. I will always put you before me.” He kissed me, this kiss more desperate than the last.

We both went downstairs. Ethan made himself a coffee while making me a hot chocolate, just the way I liked it. I tried not tocry, frantically searching my mind for a way to fix this fucked-up mess.

Mom came back to the house just before Dad and Chase. I threw myself into my dad’s arms, probably looking like a real mess. If I begged my dad, would he make sure Ethan would be safe?

“It’s okay, Boo,” Dad whispered to me. “I’ll take care of him. We’ll be back for dinner.”

I nodded, not able to say any words. They left. I didn’t want to give Ethan a hug goodbye—I didn’t even want to say goodbye—because he was coming back. Right?

I shook as I stood on the porch, watching Dad’s truck take Ethan away. Arms wrapped around me, and I leaned into Chase. “I called Lachlan and Nolan and filled them in. They’re going to come over and hang out.”

I didn’t respond.

“Is there anything you want to do?” he asked.

No.

It wasn’t long before Nolan and Lachlan arrived. I was dressed in jeans and a hoodie, already in the barn with Chase. I didn’t shower, didn’t want to shower. It was the oddest feeling. When Ed had been done with me, I’d always showered, scrubbed myself, felt sick. And yet, I didn’t want Ethan to leave my skin, didn’t want to erase what we had done, didn’t want to forget about it. The two experiences were completely opposite, but it wasn’t like Ethan had gone out of his way to make anything special. He made it seem so easy to make sex feel good, to make me feel good. Why hadn’t Ed done that? Instead, he’d gone out of his way to make it painful.

“Did he say anything?” Nolan asked. We’d just finished giving them both the rundown of the full story. We were walking out to the driveshed, having decided to go for a ride to distractourselves. “I know his dad was a deadbeat, but still…that’s his dad.”

“I don’t know how Ethan isn’t more fucked up than he is for the amount of abuse he went through,” Chase said. “He hid a lot from you guys. I used to sneak him into my house all the time.”

“Same.” Lachlan leaned against the shed door while I pulled the covers off the ATVs. “I mean, we couldn’t go to my place, because he didn’t want my brother and sister to know, but we used to hang out on the trails.”

“He didn’t tell me. I had a feeling, but he never told me,” I said.

“He didn’t want—”

“Me to know.” I cut Chase off. “It’s a going theme among us. No one wants anyone to know what we are going through behind closed doors. I’m done.” I turned and faced them. “This is it. This is my breaking point. I’m done with these secrets that keep coming up to hurt us.”

“What’s his name?” Lachlan was quick with his question; he had been holding on to it for a while. His arms were crossed, his cool blue eyes on me.

A hypocrite, I was not. “Ed.” The moment the name left my lips and rang through my ears, my body deflated. I could feel the tears well behind my lids, but I held them back.Not now.Lachlan was on his feet, mouth open and ready to ask more when I held up my hand. “I will. I will tell you, but not without Ethan. I will only say it once.” As I stood there with the guys, worrying about Ethan, the fear and doubt slid away and the rage began to burn.

Lachlan’s eyes flashed, and I could almost feel the frigidness behind them. His lips started to move, in the smallest of amounts, and I knew he was counting. He was struggling.

I stepped away from the ATV and put my hands on his chest. He didn’t flinch. Instead, he leaned in, as if he knew my touch calmed him, and he desperately needed it right now.

“Also, I had sex with Ethan.” Lachlan froze, but his eyes melted soft, a grin spreading. “Since we’re on the page of not having any secrets.”

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